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[ISTP] ISTPs need relationships too!

millerm277

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Do you find him hurting your feelings alot? With bluntness/directness and all?

That's our natural way of functioning, however...we are certainly capable of not speaking like that as well. I generally find that my girlfriend is the one that I am the least blunt with, as I am...um, more sensitive to her feelings than to most other people.
 

Winz

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That's our natural way of functioning, however...we are certainly capable of not speaking like that as well. I generally find that my girlfriend is the one that I am the least blunt with, as I am...um, more sensitive to her feelings than to most other people.

Well, yeah. *points to her type* I just want to know if he -does- hurt her feelings alot in that way. Personally, I would find it draining to be constantly worrying that I'd hurt my spouse's feelings (if I had one) with every single thing I said. But that's just me.

Hopefully this doesn't get interpreted in the wrong way...
 

ColonelGadaafi

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Im going to say NF's/NFJ's, what istps need are people who understand their implications, life-styles, need for privacy and personal space. But im given the impression that most ISTP's (especially males) are emotionally self-sufficient and independent that they really have no need of a relationship, they are hobbyist(most of the istp's that i have came in contact with) who practically fall in-love with their hobbies, most are content with a collection of assorted tools, a book on electronics and large sortiment of parts. They are truly the INTP's of technical matters.
 

King sns

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I dated 2 different ISTP's. It did NOT work out. how can someone possibly need that much privacy!! grr.. they never want to spend time with me!

(in other words, not esfp.)
 

Winz

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I dated 2 different ISTP's. It did NOT work out. how can someone possibly need that much privacy!! grr.. they never want to spend time with me!

(in other words, not esfp.)

Yeah, I have an ESFP friend. I think she thinks I hate her or something :doh: which is really not the case... Just... You know :ninja:
 

millerm277

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But im given the impression that most ISTP's (especially males) are emotionally self-sufficient and independent that they really have no need of a relationship

Need? Definitely not. Being single is not some major problem for me, however...being in a relationship with someone who I really like/love is still far better. But, it does mean, that I'm not going to stick with a hopeless relationship because I think it's better than being single.

@Shortnsweet, want to elaborate a bit? Because maybe just I'm a semi well-developed ISTP, but I don't feel I have a huge need for privacy generally. And for the most part, my momentary feeling/emotions are the only things I keep private. (Negative ones moreso).
 

King sns

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hmm.. okay well I dated one of these said ISTP's on and off for three years. Big problems were that he always wanted to go smoke a cigarette or something by himself, didn't want to spend time together often enough, and was kind of emotionally unavailable. (Didn't really want to chit chat unless it was about something very important.) He liked some of my friends too, but did not want to hang out with them very often, because they were just too much for him. He wanted to sit in a dark room and watch movies, instead.

edit: (I don't equate emotionally unavailable with the inability to chit-chat really, those were meant to be two different points)
 

INTJMom

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Okay, I debated with myself for a week or so whether or not I should even make a post, and I decided that I really just want to know the answer. I'm looking for purely theoretical opinions here. Obviously there's the whole "everybody is their own individual person even if they fit into a certain type" thing, so if that's all you have to say... Well... :doh:

Are there any ideal type for ISTPs to be coupled with? And if you are an ISTP, what types do you find yourself getting along with best?

I feel like a massive lametard for asking this. :doh:
My husband is an ISTP. I'm an INTJ. We've been married over 26 years.
We have a lot going for us, but I wouldn't say it's absolutely perfect.
One area where we both fall short is that we tend to neglect each other.
We're not very good at maintaining relationships.
We're both better at troubleshooting them.
IOW: we work on it when there's a problem.
 

Domino

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My ISTP bff was around me a lot. He and I rarely argued, but when we did, it felt REALLY bad, and we tried to get it over with as soon as possible. I think he was perhaps instinctively very careful with my feelings, not because he had to, because he just wanted to, I guess. He was a bit overprotective of me at times, but he truly had confidence in my intelligence and my ability to handle myself. He was so tall that when we were at pool parties, I could sit on his shoulders in the deep end and shout bombastic things at the lesser mortals in the shallow end. :D lol

They can be very lone wolf and possessive of their free time (so can I, for that matter), but it seemed he was always dragging me out somewhere, even if it was just to drive around, or have me drive him around in his own car.
 

bronte

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Also:



Do you find him hurting your feelings alot? With bluntness/directness and all?

I dont think my istp husband is blunt - or at least only when he is forced into situations he finds really difficult - the kids can do this - generally though he will just be uncommunicative if upset or if he disagrees

he's blunt with his mates but in a matey blokey way

I think that as he's got older he's much more sensitive - especially with humour - he used to use sarcasm in a much sharper way .

my son is estp and I think their humour is very similar - they really make me laugh:wubbie:
 

millerm277

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@shortnsweet. Hm, that's odd. Mostly because I don't find myself being at all like that generally.

@PinkPiranha....that sounds very scarily like my life, except that I always prefer to drive.
 

Domino

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I think he was humoring me with his Pink Piranha Outreach Program. :D He said I looked like a gleeful crazed squirrel behind the wheel. haha!
 

millerm277

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I think he was humoring me with his Pink Piranha Outreach Program. :D He said I looked like a gleeful crazed squirrel behind the wheel. haha!

That is the exact reason I prefer her to NOT drive. She's improving a bit though, with some help from me....in HER car. Until I can not be scared to death with her driving, she isn't touching my Z. :D
 

Domino

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Hmmm, a Z, eh? *wiggles eyebrows* :D
 

alcea rosea

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Also:
Do you find him hurting your feelings alot? With bluntness/directness and all?

No, not actually. He is very gentle with me. ;) And most of time he is joking or sarcastic so most of time I don't take him too seriously. I think he appreciates me being very different and tries to understand me.

I give him space because I require space too. I'll give him freedom to do most things he want to do. I have no desire in controlling him. I trust him. He can be very blunt but apparantly he appreciates and/or understands me better not to be too blunt. And sometimes if he is, I don't really take it so seriously. The thing is just working with us two for some reason, cannot really put my finger on it.
 

Jack Flak

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That is the exact reason I prefer her to NOT drive. She's improving a bit though, with some help from me....in HER car. Until I can not be scared to death with her driving, she isn't touching my Z. :D
It's not one of those 350Z fake sports cars, is it?

I had two '85 300s, one turbo. It was fast for an 85. :D
 

Nocapszy

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I feel like a massive lametard for asking this. :doh:
Don't worry.
It's not the question that makes you a lametard -- it's that you say out loud that you're a lametard that makes you a lametard. :)
 

white

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From the two ISTPs I know here... the common observation was they would not actively seek out the relationship themselves, ergo, you'd need a partner who'd act to bring them into one, yet in a way which does not make the ISTP feel like he's losing control - rather, a more gentle yet firm guiding that helps them realise they are better off with that person, so they'd stay in it from a cost-benefit analysis.

But to evoke real feelings from an ISTP, I think you have to bypass that cost-benefit mindset, and difficult as it is, to engage their emotions. That is the spark they miss, and I feel, that is the spark that makes them stay with one person more than any cost/benefit can: someone who understands and is able to draw out their emotions, in a way, bringing colour to them.

In that respect, I think an I/mild E would work well, a J softened by Fe - to set the boundaries and yet have patience without losing direction. The ISTP cannot feel manipulated as his trust is easy to lose.

I would go for an N though, vs. an S - the intuitive is better able to show possibilities I feel, and would create more growth for an ISTP - I feel with a fellow S, they could easily fall into a trap of routine and fail to express fully and thus take the other for granted.

I could see Ti being a nice match, if paired with N, as the thought processes would feel similar, yet from a new angle which could be intriguing.
 

Winz

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Wow aelan, thanks! That's a really good way of putting things. :)
 
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