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  1. #1
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2019
    MBTI
    ENFP
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    9

    Default ESFP and second chances?

    Dear all the ESFP god and goddesses out there!! This ENFP is in total need of some help to figure out your minds (if that can be done)

    I'll first explain the background quickly:

    After recently casually dating a close ESFP friend briefly, she is going through a very rough patch with studies and huge family issues and told me that does not have the emotional strength to be in a healthy relationship. She said that she wants me to be happy always even it if was with someone else (she confirmed that the feelings are there but the timing is really bad). After saying all that, she said/did the following in the course of 2 months:

    - Asked me to promise her that no matter what happened, I would never abandon her.
    - Asked me if I was mad at her (the day after we had the chat and ended the romantic relationship and I told her that I was still here for her) and that she was scared that she would lose me or hurt me and that she did not imagine her life without me (literal words).
    - She texted me to make clear that in a conversation we had the previous day about an episode we had while having sex, that when she said that we we were getting "some action", she did not mean it and it was actually much more than that.
    - After I told her that I did not think anything of the way she said "getting some action" and that I am still here to support her, she said that I was just an amazing, kind and mature and that "I never had anyone like you before".

    I know it's not much but I don't wanna bother you guys. So my questions for you:
    1) Do you guys fear abandonment from friends or romantic partners? After everything if read about you guys, I was thinking that you guy were more inclined to make new friends than to dwell on the ones that you could possibly lose.
    2) Am I over analyzing the phrase "I can't imagine my life without you" as something you would say to someone you want to be more romantically involved than just a friend? Is using this kind of dramatic flairs something that you usually do?
    3) Would you consider giving a chance to someone you briefly dated and who you consider very close to you a second chance at a relationship when the timing is better if the relationship did not have any flaws? Or would you just move on and forget?

    And the most important question (because regardless of what happens in the future I'll stand by her as a friend and support her through this tough time), how can I best help her get through this rough moment in her life? i.e. provide emotional support, fun times, going out etc...

    Really sorry for the long rant. I guess it is the ENFP in me trying to over analyze every detail
    Likes Luminous liked this post

  2. #2
    A Bittersweet Symphony... The Mysterious Stranger's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2016
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    478 so/sx
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    13,538

    Default

    1) Do you guys fear abandonment from friends or romantic partners? After everything if read about you guys, I was thinking that you guy were more inclined to make new friends than to dwell on the ones that you could possibly lose.
    Sort of. It's complicated. Obviously I like my friends and romantic partners and dont want to lose them, but it happens. There are so many fish in the sea though, it's better to focus on future opportunities than mourn past loses

    2) Am I over analyzing the phrase "I can't imagine my life without you" as something you would say to someone you want to be more romantically involved than just a friend? Is using this kind of dramatic flairs something that you usually do?

    Once someone is in my life, I can no longer imagine my life without them. But that doesnt mean I need to be with them as more than a friend.

    3) Would you consider giving a chance to someone you briefly dated and who you consider very close to you a second chance at a relationship when the timing is better if the relationship did not have any flaws? Or would you just move on and forget?

    If I thought they could handle it within the boundaries I needed. Otherwise, it would probably not be a great idea, so likely wouldnt happen beyond occasionally hooking up if it seemed like a good idea at the time.

    And the most important question (because regardless of what happens in the future I'll stand by her as a friend and support her through this tough time), how can I best help her get through this rough moment in her life? i.e. provide emotional support, fun times, going out etc...
    Be patient and stay chill. Have fun. Stay fun ^_^
    He had long since decided that the world, Above or Below, was a place that wished to be deceived, and, to this end, he had named himself from a lie in a fairy tale, and created himself--his clothes, his manner, his carriage--as a grand joke...
    Likes gllg liked this post

  3. #3
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2019
    MBTI
    ENFP
    Posts
    9

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Gentleman Jack View Post
    1) Do you guys fear abandonment from friends or romantic partners? After everything if read about you guys, I was thinking that you guy were more inclined to make new friends than to dwell on the ones that you could possibly lose.
    Sort of. It's complicated. Obviously I like my friends and romantic partners and dont want to lose them, but it happens. There are so many fish in the sea though, it's better to focus on future opportunities than mourn past loses

    2) Am I over analyzing the phrase "I can't imagine my life without you" as something you would say to someone you want to be more romantically involved than just a friend? Is using this kind of dramatic flairs something that you usually do?

    Once someone is in my life, I can no longer imagine my life without them. But that doesnt mean I need to be with them as more than a friend.

    3) Would you consider giving a chance to someone you briefly dated and who you consider very close to you a second chance at a relationship when the timing is better if the relationship did not have any flaws? Or would you just move on and forget?

    If I thought they could handle it within the boundaries I needed. Otherwise, it would probably not be a great idea, so likely wouldnt happen beyond occasionally hooking up if it seemed like a good idea at the time.

    And the most important question (because regardless of what happens in the future I'll stand by her as a friend and support her through this tough time), how can I best help her get through this rough moment in her life? i.e. provide emotional support, fun times, going out etc...
    Be patient and stay chill. Have fun. Stay fun ^_^
    Thanks very much for your insight Gentleman Jack! It was very helpful

    I would love to get some insight from the ESFP women out there as well to see if they had any other different opinion, although I guess at the end of the day it all comes down to not only the MBTI or gender, but each personal life experience as well
    Likes The Mysterious Stranger liked this post

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