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  1. #1
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    Default How to communicate best with an ESTJ?

    Hi, I'm looking for some information on how to become a better friend towards ESTJs, particularly towards rather difficult ones, and particularly as an NF. Any tips would be great, really, and I'm hoping to not step on any toes here!

    Mostly I'm wondering how or if I can cause someone of this type to become more considerate of other people's emotions and life circumstances when I feel like they're absolutely not. Is there an easy way to make ESTJs open up about themselves, when it seems like they're randomly looking for a fight or being harsh?

    And while we're at it, how can I make a very money-orientated ESTJ family member of mine more tolerant about my career choices?

    Thanks in advance!

  2. #2
    Softserve Ice Cream Agent Washington's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Zombie spinster View Post
    Mostly I'm wondering how or if I can cause someone of this type to become more considerate of other people's emotions and life circumstances when I feel like they're absolutely not. Is there an easy way to make ESTJs open up about themselves, when it seems like they're randomly looking for a fight or being harsh?
    There isn't. Also, to an Fi user (especially Fi inferior), this feels... manipulative.

    Granted, what you can do is play a long game with them and beat them at their own game... But... Eh. Pick your battles.
    There's no love in fear.
    - Tool

    Do we want to remind you of something? Yes: the world is good and we belong here.
    - Richard Siken

  3. #3
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ogata View Post
    There isn't. Also, to an Fi user (especially Fi inferior), this feels... manipulative.
    Hmm, okay, I think I didn't state my question all that well. It's not my intention to change someone's natural behaviour or personality, I'm definitely capable of keeping my distance to people I can't get along with. What I really want to figure out is how to get an ESTJ friend back to being their old self again when they're clearly drifting into unhealthy territory. He's been through a lot of shit lately, - problems with his youth work projects, an involuntary job change, ...- but the way he's acting as a result is driving me and everyone else in our group of friends insane. He's become rude, arrogant, slightly choleric, completely incapable of apologizing. He's always been very sure of himself and his opinions, which I get and like about him, but he's never been so disrespectful and openly offensive.

    I don't know if it's manipulative to want to do something about that. I mean, it could be seen that way. But it's really not the first time that I ran into this sort of issue, and while you can pick your battles you can't exactly pick your relatives. Our even your friends sometimes - it's hard to give up on people. Right now one of my friends is clearly feeling misunderstood, and I'm clearly misunderstanding him. And I'd really like for everyone to get along again! :/

  4. #4

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    “He's become rude, arrogant, slightly choleric, completely incapable of apologizing.”

    So he’s a normal ESTJ?

  5. #5
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    Extroverted thinkers that are sensors likely will get their way through their own effort as much as they can whether their friends like it or not. So, it is best to let your friend calm down on their own time and just be there for them emotionally without saying anything to them too much. Time will tell what will happen. Or you will be dealing with a ticking bomb that might make the friendship jeopardized.

  6. #6
    Mastermind Fieldmarshal Sacrophagus's Avatar
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    How to communicate best with an ESTJ?
    You don't.



    _

    It doesn't matter if he's a relative. You don't have to justify your career choices to anyone. Stick to your guns.
    الخَيلُ وَاللَيلُ وَالبَيداءُ تَعرِفُني *** وَالسَيفُ وَالرُمحُ وَالقِرطاسُ وَالقَلَمُ
    Swift steeds, dreary nights, and the desolate wasteland, all know me full well
    As do the sword, the spear, the paper and the pen.
    Likes Amberiat liked this post

  7. #7
    Junior Member keota's Avatar
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    listen, the ESTJ you want to open up, needs to feel comfortable with u enough + you should open up first

    it might take a long time

  8. #8
    Senior Member Jaguar's Avatar
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    Actually, some ESTJs have a decent sense of humor. But to get an ESTJ to straighten up, you really do have to stand your ground.
    Without music, life would be a mistake.
    ― Friedrich Nietzsche
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  9. #9
    abcdenfp Abcdenfp's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jaguar View Post
    Actually, some ESTJs have a decent sense of humor. But to get an ESTJ to straighten up, you really do have to stand your ground.
    I agree with Jaguar you have to stand your ground. They always from my experience tend to have their facts together and you can't go to them with "gut feelings" they think that's garbage and that you didn't do what they consider the necessary steps.
    i worked with an ESTJ and everyone hated her , she was in a operations/admin type role and I was in a Human Resources type role we clashed on the way she treated the staff and she would look at me with distain if I came to her about how her behavior made them feel.
    she was however very organized, well thought out and good at her damn job , so we came to a sort of agreement I trusted her to get the facts together and she trusted me to get the staff on board, mutual respect was born.
    They have a very cut and dry way that they think things should be done and unless you have a well thought out plan to show them there is an alternative they won't even look at you.
    Likes Caribelle liked this post

  10. #10
    Can't be satisfied. Peter Deadpan's Avatar
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    With words.

    Seriously though, I have an ESTJ male friend who can be a total obnoxious dick with zero social empathy, and I just speak my mind completely filter free. He's very responsive to being told off, I guess.

    He does have a thing for me, so maybe that's partially why, but I know he looks at me differently than other women he knows, and it's probably because of my ability to balance sensitive Fi with firm Te with a stubborn strength.
    Perpetual mood


    "It is not the personality's task to tell the truth,
    but to seem to, try to, or try to seem to."


    Philip Trussell


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