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  1. #1
    Junior Member mickey1955's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2018
    INFj Ni

    Default Does This ISTJ Like Me or Not?

    So I'm a bisexual INFJ and have been decent friends with this straight-esque ISTJ for about two years now. Thing is, he's so charismatic on the surface to the point where you wouldn't even begin to think he was an ISTJ at heart. He was eccentric, witty, smart, stable and even soft-hearted at some points. Everybody in our class loved him as the class clown; like as if he was some entertaining gadget to fiddle with.

    Our friendship sparked out of his attraction for my articulation in English and our shared interest in music. Apparently I came across off as different from most high-schoolers at time, so he was stimulated whenever I was in his presence. At first, it was all a gimmick for the both of us; poking fun at how we were obsessed with each other like some bro-magnet of sort. Before I knew it, it started to gradually get more serious. Our online convos would take place during the latest/dead hours at night about the most confidential and intimate topics; things such our dreams, fears, passion, family and even who we liked. One time he asked me to analyze his favorite song, in regards to how it resonated with his feelings. The lyrics suggested that he was heartstruck with someone and it felt so bittersweet knowing that he was probably directing it towards a girl but confided in me to share the sensitive side of himself. Whenever our intimate moments took place he'd always go along the lines of, "Btw this chat is only between us" or "This will always be a safe place for the both of us". Wasn't until then that my heart was stimulated at the fact that I had a guy friend that I could be personal with, which was genuinely new to me at the time. I felt so secure and safe with him. For each time that I was facing an adversity, he'd be there to message and comfort me through virtual hugs and reminding me why I was amazing to him. I had officially become a puppy attached to my new owner.

    Suddenly there had been a downward shift in our bond. He'd leave my messages on read and barely acknowledge my presence in person. Our convos began to feel ingenuine and rushed. Classwork was all that we were limited to talking about. I got the vibe that I was irking him with every text that I spammed, hoping to get a mere response out of him. I'd be so downbeat at the sight of watching him interacting with everybody and winning their heart while his indifference broke mine. Perhaps he lost the spark with me and wanted to seek seemingly more interesting friendships. I was so confused, for it felt like I had lost a special companionship within the blink of an eye. I became a ghost to him. A sad, yet non-existent ghost.

    However that wasn't the end of my magical friendship gone incomplete. My ISTJ would occasionally still message and talk to me, but supposedly only on his terms. Whenever I laid in bed with my lifeless heart thinking about him, he'd send an article or video of his favorite movie/song for us to have a short-lived discussion about it, only for him to leave me on read and return back to the abyss. At this point, I felt like I was gasping for air. As if I was receiving CPR after drowning in water, just for me to be thrown back in again. Rinse. Repeat.

    As much as there was strangeness in the new way he communicated with me, he showcased it in his actions as well. I'd passed by him and he'd walk in the opposite direction or seem overly busy or preoccupied when I tried to talking to him. Then he'd corner me for what felt like slightly scripted conversation whenever it was just the two of us alone. There'd be times during class where he'd make a goofball out of himself and I'd be only person he'd look at for a reaction, as he'd gaze into my eyes with his mischievous, seductive smile. He would also make light jokes at my expense, which would soon be followed by him apologizing to me in private. If he caught someone giving me a hard time or opposing my ideas, he'd show up out of nowhere to my rescue like a knight in shining armor. Overall, it was like as if he was making up for the times he wasn't there for me, yet he'd go back to simultaneously ignoring me when there were groups of people around us. My mind began to dismiss it as him just looking out for me like a little brother but my heart truly wanted him to desire more than a friendship. I had officially become a hopeless romantic; waiting for my prince charming to show some limerence.

    Wasn't until after our school musical (that I acted in and he played guitar in the pit orchestra for), he casually asked me, "who did you like this whole school year?". It around the time I had given out a few hints to my friends on whom I liked so I played it off by saying I knew the person for a few years and really wanted to confess to them. He wanted to know for the sake of 'hearing entertainment to use up his energy' and that 'his heart was aching for me' out of sympathy. Part of me still despises myself to this day for not telling him the truth. Even if it meant scaring him off.

    So I wonder...could he like me back? Or is he still wanting to stay intimate friends with me? Also could there be a chance that he's a closeted bisexual? He has seemed so unsure of himself for the past few months. Like as if his future comprises of a blank canvas. I know that ISTJ's are usually susceptible to staying on the down low about these kinds of stuff. I've seen him act flamboyant and sarcastically flirt with other guys, but it's typical for a straight male to do that kind of stuff in high school. However he's been really ambivalent and gentle with me lately. Should I confess to him? And how so? I wanna know if there could be a chance for me. For 'us'.

  2. #2
    ϚᗩᑎᑕTᑌᗩᖇY Luminous's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2017
    925 sx/sp


    I am not the person to give you advice on this, but I wanted to say welcome to the forum! And I hope this situation works out in the best possible way for you.

  3. #3
    Softserve Ice Cream Agent Washington's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2017


    If it is as you described, it sounds like he could possibly like you, but either is in denial, or doesn't think you'll like him back. A lot of bisexual guys identify as straight and don't see themselves as anything but straight, and avoid emotional intimacy with men.
    There's no love in fear.
    - Tool

    Do we want to remind you of something? Yes: the world is good and we belong here.
    - Richard Siken

  4. #4
    Senior Member tinker683's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2009
    9w1 sx/sp


    Oy vey

    It certainly has all the encouraging signs that maybe he does...but I think the only way you're going to really find out is to sit him down and talk to him about this. I know that will be really hard and awkward and scary, but it's better than the alternative.
    "The man who is swimming against the stream knows the strength of it."
    ― Woodrow Wilson

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Jul 2018


    Maybe you could, you know, ask.

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