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[ISTJ] ISTJs & Romantic Break-ups

RiderOnTheStorm

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How does an ISTJ handle a romantic break-up? From either a long, or short term, not so serious/semi-serious/serious relationship?

What long term effects do they have on you?
 

Cimarron

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They're absorbed into our pile of experiences and "lessons learned". "That element made things worse in the long run, so try not to do that again." I guess stuff like that.

If you're just asking about emotions, well of course it hurts. :( But I figured that went without saying.
 

RiderOnTheStorm

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That seems to be a general answer across the board. I would think that we all do that.


Do you lash out in any way?

Do you tend to keep at least a friendship with that person? Why, or why not?


and of course it hurts hun :hug:
I said it once, and I'll say it again; LOVE is EVOL >_>
 

Cimarron

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Do you lash out in any way?

Do you tend to keep at least a friendship with that person? Why, or why not?
Ohh, you're talking about this kind of stuff. I usually keep trying to hold on to the relationship... In bad cases this results in me being "clingy", and turns pretty pathetic. In good cases, though, it's ended in good friendships. One girl I asked out turned me down before I really knew her, but we stayed in touch and talked on the phone a lot, and came to be much closer--and not even in a romantic sense. Also, one girl I had gone out with for half a year dumped me, but she is still one of my closest friends.

As for reactions, I withdraw, not lash out (maybe the I vs E divide), and wallow around in my pity for a while. :rolleyes: I guess during breakups, I might get a short temper for other unrelated things...but that might also be general. It's hard not to be in a bad mood when your relationship's falling apart.

These sound kind of over the edge, but I'm just thinking of the worst cases, mostly.
 

swordpath

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I usually beat a dead horse with it. I need closure, I need to know where I went wrong and what I could have done differently. It may be translated as clinginess and there may even be a hint of that involved but that's usually how it goes down. I don't like break ups.
 

helen

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Does it take you a long time to get over someone or do you move on fairly quickly once you see things will not work out?
 

swordpath

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Does it take you a long time to get over someone or do you move on fairly quickly once you see things will not work out?

I never really FULLY move on... It's pretty lame.

A lot of that is that I don't jump in and out of relationships. They come seldom, so when it's gone, I'm left to dwell on it and it never completely leaves me.
 

Recoleta

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I never really FULLY move on... It's pretty lame.

A lot of that is that I don't jump in and out of relationships. They come seldom, so when it's gone, I'm left to dwell on it and it never completely leaves me.

Yeah, my relationships with people that go deep enough to actually become a romantic relationship are VERY few and far between. I don't date just to not be lonely, and I really don't do "casual dating." When I choose to be in a realtionship with someone it is something that I take very seriously and I view the other person as a potential marriage partner. That's why when breakups happen it hurts a lot, and also why I try so hard to keep that relationship (because I have invested so much of myself into it).

Eventually though, you have to keep some self-respect and once you realize that you can't make someone love you, you just have to let go even though that scar always remains.
 

ArbiterDewey

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How does an ISTJ handle a romantic break-up? From either a long, or short term, not so serious/semi-serious/serious relationship?

What long term effects do they have on you?

It really depends. If it was a serious relationship that lasted for some time, I don't handle them too well.

My last, however, was too predictable. I knew after we had been together for a day that we would in no way be a couple forever. I took the break up pretty well having already deduced that.

Ugh...relationships bother me. Desired, yet more trouble than they're normally worth...maybe I just haven't had a "good" experience, but I'm in absolutely in no hurry for another.

My thoughts
 

Cimarron

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I need closure, I need to know where I went wrong and what I could have done differently.
Wow, I thought I was the only one to do this! She probably thought I was so weird trying to reason through it like that. I only needed to do this once that I can remember, though.
 

dnivera

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Dated a fellow ISTJ for 4 years, then broke up. We analyzed what went wrong to death. We discussed what changed in different times during the relationship and how we could have changed our behavior or acted better during crucial times. In the end we just weren't the right life partners for each other.

I haven't really gotten over the relationship yet. Someone told me that it takes at least half the duration of the relationship (in my case, 2 years) to fully recover, and I'm sure it'll be awhile before I can even have a normal conversation with the guy again.

I don't do the casual dating/fling/hookup thing either. If I care about someone, I really put myself into the relationship. If it's a one-time date that doesn't work out, I don't think about it much.
 

PinkIceTD

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It really depends. If it was a serious relationship that lasted for some time, I don't handle them too well.

My last, however, was too predictable. I knew after we had been together for a day that we would in no way be a couple forever. I took the break up pretty well having already deduced that.

Ugh...relationships bother me. Desired, yet more trouble than they're normally worth...maybe I just haven't had a "good" experience, but I'm in absolutely in no hurry for another.

My thoughts

It is totally uncanny how what everyone is saying here, I have heard verbatim from my friend. Especially the part about you desire them but theyre more trouble than theyre worth. I thought it was just him.

But I think part of the problem is that you guys "live in the past" so to speak. I think Cimmaron said earlier that you file bad experiences and basically remember them. I think that makes you have a pessimistic outlook on future relationships. You're expecting the same thing instead of being open to possibilities instead of being open to a different person. Not everyone is the same.:violin: Im sure thats the N talking...
 

batumi

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I think Cimmaron said earlier that you file bad experiences and basically remember them. I think that makes you have a pessimistic outlook on future relationships. You're expecting the same thing instead of being open to possibilities instead of being open to a different person.

:yes:
 

Martoon

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Ah, yes. There's nothing quite as romantic as a break-up.
 
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