[ESFJ] I'm going to be honest: my MBTI type is making me depressed?

[InfernoToucan]

Alright, please here me out because I'm at a loss as to what to think. For months now, ive been struggling to figure out my type, not be in able to see any one of them distinctly more than the others. I also have suffered from anxiety and depression since a very young age, so I'm already not very consistent in my behavior and mentality.

Someone on Perc messaged me saying they were willing to help me find my type. They were confirmed to be an ENFJ by a professional, and also seemed to have contributed a lot to the forums and have a lot of "thanks" associated with their username. So I thought, alright seems legit. Also he has Ni which should help him to see things I probably can't...I probably am going to be biased in my own judgment of myself. Anyways, we chatted a LOT and I sent him really long answers on my questions. And guess what? He is 100% certain I am an ESFJ.

Let me tell you why this sucks: from a young age, ive barely made any friends. I've been constantly rejected by people my age one way or another. Went through tons of depressive modes, became a Sofia introvert essentially, and now trying to bring myself back up by having a life for myself and not one thats about obsessing over my loneliness/lack of people in my life. For a while I became happier do in that, happy focusing on other things. Now I find out: I'm supposed to be a freaking pushover all along. Letting others bully me and tell me what to do is my "strength". Not the openmindedness and creativity of Ne-doms, the internal strength of Fi-doms, the intelligence from Ti and Te, the ability to produce beautiful art/do awesome things with Se, and the ability to essentially dominate the universe with Ni. And yes, I may have Si as my auxiliary, but depression fucked it up. Depression = constant memory loss, terrible focus and attention to details, and terrible at holding to your commitments.

So yes, I may sound like I'm whining and all over the place self-pitying, but I really can't find a way to deal with this. I am a Fe-dom without any of the strengths and little desire to continue this sort of life. Essentially, I have to be everyone's nanny or nurse. And smile and ignore what's on the inside, right?

I know, I know. Maybe he's wrong. But there's a strong chance he's not. He's met Ne-doms before and could probably see that I am nowhere near the level they are in terms of coming up with ideas.

 

[Agent Washington]

So yes, I may sound like I'm whining and all over the place self-pitying, but I really can't find a way to deal with this. I am a Fe-dom without any of the strengths and little desire to continue this sort of life. Essentially, I have to be everyone's nanny or nurse. And smile and ignore what's on the inside, right?

No.

Tbh I was a pretty big Fe user, but now it's lower down my stack. I strongly suspect you're probably something else especially if you have anxiety and depression, because function loops and inferior function grip exist.

What you said sounds like the people with BPD that I know. It's not an Fe thing, it's a pathological thing.

Look for character types and people that you relate to, and compare your characteristics. If you really think you're ESFJ, look for positive ESFJs in media.

YouTube I highly recommend this guy's videos when it comes to looking at the functions of the types.

Honestly Fe users are something else. If you look at their replies, they've always got a gentler way of putting things, whereas I'm coming here with a bludgeon to tell you that you're wrong, and here's why. You're wrong because every type has their strength, and you need to value it. Because if you don't, there's nobody else who's going to validate you. Fuck them.

 

[Lark]

Surely its just insight? Like your height or eye colour or skin tone, shouldnt be make or break for the sort of life you are going to live but might be important or less important or effect things one way or another, a lot of people debated my type, because of my opinions, a while back and I got a pretty clear idea that they thought I was a self-hating SJ, it wouldnt have bothered me if I did think that was my type but I didnt think so, besides superficial links with my opinions (how your reach them and why you maintain them is more important than what they are).

Like I wouldnt feel any more upset about it than someone telling me that my AD&D alignment was something other than I would expect it to be.

I also think that as far as MBTI actually goes it can be a dull knife or implement, there's other theories which I think are as equally important, Erving Goffman's books about the portrayal of self in public life, stigma, asylums etc. are interesting to me at the moment, I think people play roles or assigned roles by others and this, along with the labelling it involves sometimes, is more important than MBTI, MBTI could be part of it.

 

[LucieCat]

Well, if Fe does not resonate with you, then there’s a good chance you are not an ESFJ. Then again, you could be suppressing Fe somehow. It is hard to know. But still, only you can finally determine your own personality.

If you are an ESFJ, keep in mind that many ESFJs are lovely people. They tend to get a bad rap on internet communities for whatever reason (I suspect it is because they are underrepresented in this group).

My dominant function is Ne. Reading about it, everything resonated with me. It all made sense.
I would look a bit more into how the dominant functions manifest in each type and see how that resonates with you.
One of my best friends is an ESFJ (well she gets super bored whenever I bring up MBTI so I don’t know for sure, but she’s definitely an S type and she uses Fe). Interestingly, I think if she knew about cognitive functions, she might deny that she uses Fe. But she has a long history of denying any positive quality you point out to her. So the positive qualities of Fe are things she would adamantly deny. I’ve sometimes wondered if she actually isn’t an ESFJ. But I’m certain she’s just a very unhealthy one who is in a lot of emotional turmoil most of the time.
Then again, I’ve only typed said ESFJ friend after knowing her personally, in real life for several years. Even then i could be wrong. Heck my own parents think I’m absolutely an introvert and the are probably the people who know me best. They would both probably identify me as an INFP. I also come out as INFP on a lot of tests. But I definitely use Ne the most.

 

[LucieCat]

No. Tbh I was a pretty big Fe user, but now it's lower down my stack. I strongly suspect you're probably something else especially if you have anxiety and depression, because function loops and inferior function grip exist. What you said sounds like the people with BPD that I know. It's not an Fe thing, it's a pathological thing. Look for character types and people that you relate to, and compare your characteristics. If you really think you're ESFJ, look for positive ESFJs in media. YouTube I highly recommend this guy's videos when it comes to looking at the functions of the types. Honestly Fe users are something else. If you look at their replies, they've always got a gentler way of putting things, whereas I'm coming here with a bludgeon to tell you that you're wrong, and here's why. You're wrong because every type has their strength, and you need to value it. Because if you don't, there's nobody else who's going to validate you. Fuck them.

Well there are variations within each type. My ESFJ friend is definitely not gentle at times with how she says things. Though that side of her is not probably what most people sees. I have found that you need to be extremely blunt with her for her to grasp a lot of things. So I think she reflects my bluntness back on me at times. Plus, she knows I have rather thick skin.

At times though I have feel that I have been a bit harsh on her, and have apologized. My own desire for safety and her safety as well just causes me to be defensive and overreact anytime an ex boyfriend of hers reappears in her life. I can find redeeming qualities in just about anyone, except apparently this awful emotionally abusive, prejudiced attempted rapist who I would certainly beat up if I did not know he would surely beat me in a fight. Though, on the semi-bright side, I think my tendency to tense up and become critical anytime he is around or mentioned clued my friend into the fact that he is an asshole. When I get to the point of loathing someone, there is something extremely wrong going on.
So, what I am saying is that situationally typed appear differently. I find Fe doms are capable of being rather harsh when they know they can be without breaking the peace.

 

[PumpkinMayCare]

Alright, please here me out because I'm at a loss as to what to think. For months now, ive been struggling to figure out my type, not be in able to see any one of them distinctly more than the others. I also have suffered from anxiety and depression since a very young age, so I'm already not very consistent in my behavior and mentality.

Someone on Perc messaged me saying they were willing to help me find my type. They were confirmed to be an ENFJ by a professional, and also seemed to have contributed a lot to the forums and have a lot of "thanks" associated with their username. So I thought, alright seems legit. Also he has Ni which should help him to see things I probably can't...I probably am going to be biased in my own judgment of myself. Anyways, we chatted a LOT and I sent him really long answers on my questions. And guess what? He is 100% certain I am an ESFJ.

Let me tell you why this sucks: from a young age, ive barely made any friends. I've been constantly rejected by people my age one way or another. Went through tons of depressive modes, became a Sofia introvert essentially, and now trying to bring myself back up by having a life for myself and not one thats about obsessing over my loneliness/lack of people in my life. For a while I became happier do in that, happy focusing on other things. Now I find out: I'm supposed to be a freaking pushover all along. Letting others bully me and tell me what to do is my "strength". Not the openmindedness and creativity of Ne-doms, the internal strength of Fi-doms, the intelligence from Ti and Te, the ability to produce beautiful art/do awesome things with Se, and the ability to essentially dominate the universe with Ni. And yes, I may have Si as my auxiliary, but depression fucked it up. Depression = constant memory loss, terrible focus and attention to details, and terrible at holding to your commitments.

So yes, I may sound like I'm whining and all over the place self-pitying, but I really can't find a way to deal with this. I am a Fe-dom without any of the strengths and little desire to continue this sort of life. Essentially, I have to be everyone's nanny or nurse. And smile and ignore what's on the inside, right?

I know, I know. Maybe he's wrong. But there's a strong chance he's not. He's met Ne-doms before and could probably see that I am nowhere near the level they are in terms of coming up with ideas.

You take MBTI way too seriously. I've met and seen Fe-doms being opinionated, self-confident and assertive. The descriptions for the types are guidelines, not behaviours set in stone.
Also why obsess over the supposed short-comings of a type you're not even sure you are?
Aside from that, I've now read two different people writing about being an Ne-dom as if it was the holy grail in only two days. It seems people don't get all functions have their pros and cons. And I can tell you being an Ne-dom isn't as good as it may sound for someone who doesn't have it. Cause in reality you have to deal with the weaknesses of that function too, being scatterbrained as hell, which is very impractical in day to day life, and very annoying and frustrating more often than I'd like it to be ... not even starting with Ne's exhausting side-effect of finding it hard to make decisions because you can see things from all kind of different angles. Don't even get me started on how many Ne-doms find it hard to make friends when they're younger because in a lot of places Ne is way too "out there" for a lot of people to relate to. I could go on and on about this ...

Really, the grass is NOT always greener on the other side. It just appears to be if you look at it superficially.

 

[InfernoToucan]

No.

Tbh I was a pretty big Fe user, but now it's lower down my stack. I strongly suspect you're probably something else especially if you have anxiety and depression, because function loops and inferior function grip exist.

What you said sounds like the people with BPD that I know. It's not an Fe thing, it's a pathological thing.

Look for character types and people that you relate to, and compare your characteristics. If you really think you're ESFJ, look for positive ESFJs in media.

Honestly Fe users are something else. If you look at their replies, they've always got a gentler way of putting things, whereas I'm coming here with a bludgeon to tell you that you're wrong, and here's why. You're wrong because every type has their strength, and you need to value it. Because if you don't, there's nobody else who's going to validate you. Fuck them.

When did Fe start to get lower? After you started dealing with your personal issues?
Thank you for the link.
Hmm...BDP. I was thinking I had something like that. Makes sense actually that my issues developed into a personality disorder. Pretty sure my ISTP (?) father has NPD funny enough. >.<
And I agree actually. If this is truly my type, then I wished I had been a healthy ESFJ from the start. Would've made my life much easier. XD Loads of friends and all that.

@Survive and Stay Free
I hope so haha. That's good insight. It might make it more difficult for me to come up with ideas with lower Ne, but nevertheless it should not prevent me from doing so.

One of my best friends is an ESFJ (well she gets super bored whenever I bring up MBTI so I don’t know for sure, but she’s definitely an S type and she uses Fe)

What, to you, makes someone "definitely" an S type? This is where my confusion comes into play, because I have a lot of the same interests as N types. When I read the cognitive functions more and more, it doesn't really make sense to me why a Si dom or aux can't enjoy learning abstract concepts, especially when engaging with lower functions.
[MENTION=32520]thepumpkinpot[/MENTION]
I think my initial post came out wrong... I don't have a problem with ESFJs or being one per say. It's more so the qualities ESFJs are known for (i.e. being able to make fast friends easily, being charismatic and persuasive, etc) are qualities I never had. I pretty much have strong social anxiety, where I am able to "read" whether someone is bored with me or doesn't want to speak to me, etc, but I'm actually not great at reading people. If anything, I was probably more of an ISFP or INFP type when I was a little kid (hated school, pretty sensitive, not great self esteem, liked to run around and explore my environment, playing games with other kids, imagining things with my dolls, obsessed with watching tv and just seeing weird images on my screen, viewing the world in a mesh of colors, images, and song, etc), and now I'm nothing like that. Nor do I have the "Si" form of responsibility and dedication to whatever they do; with my depression, I'm very different from that, acting clumsy all the time.

 

[LucieCat]

I’m not sure how to describe the difference between S and N. I don’t think it’s aleays a matter of interests. Part of the confusion is probably because a lot of N types have learned to appear as S types to fit in. S types are more in touch with tangible reality. I find they are less apt to talking about esoteric, high flung concepts naturally. We all have both. And honestly, I can only tell when there is a strong preference. Honestly, N type conversations often make my friend physically seem uncomfortable. So I know to tone down my Ne because she won’t tell me that I’ve made her uncomfortable. And I find it’s only easy to tell when there is a clear difference in preference or we’re looking into cognitive functions. Part of me was surprised that my Dad is not an N type. However, it’s unquestionable that he uses Se as his auxiliary. Plus, ISTP is the only type that really fits him function wise.

 

[Agent Washington]

When did Fe start to get lower? After you started dealing with your personal issues?
Thank you for the link.
Hmm...BDP. I was thinking I had something like that. Makes sense actually that my issues developed into a personality disorder. Pretty sure my ISTP (?) father has NPD funny enough. >.<
And I agree actually. If this is truly my type, then I wished I had been a healthy ESFJ from the start. Would've made my life much easier. XD Loads of friends and all that.

Hmm, it's a long story.

A part of growing up in my culture is that there's a lot of emphasis on consensus etc., and being brought up by somebody with an explosive temper meant that I was just really used to having to "read" the atmosphere. So, on the surface it seems like I'm using "Fe", even though I'm very much a T type. So, I chalked it up to being inferior Fe (since I typed as INTP a lot). As I grew older, I had to overcome a lot of things, including a series of abusive exes that I won't go into. The thing about abuse (and being near NPD types, often, if they're unaware of what they're doing and have no desire to change) is that it feels "normal" after a while, and I realised that if I continued to use Fe, it would be fucking shitty, and I won't break out of the cycle.

One day, I just kinda had the revelation that I was compensating for using Fe by developing Ti, but in reality it wouldn't have worked, because Ti fed into Fe, and it becomes a reinforcing cycle. The opposite of emotions isn't logic, it's another type of emotions.

So I made it a point to develop Fi. That was... I think, before I joined this forum.

Now I have the benefit of hindsight and the benefit of academic training which trains me to use Si-Te, so that's basically what I learnt to use. Te is looking at objective reality, and it developed from what looks like Ti dom with Fe inferior to something like Si-Te-Fi-Ne, which... I'm perfectly fine with. Developing Te strengthened my Fi, I think - if I feel unsure of what's going on, I either ask my INTJ friends for perspective, or I look at objective reality, have confidence in my memories (since I was gaslighted a lot which led to me doubting them), and so on and so forth. I'm also at the age where learning enough things has more or less helped cemented a world view that is pretty much based on concrete reality, so I have the benefit of looking at past precedence.

It also helps that I'm observing a couple of Fe users that I'm living with now, I don't agree with their way of doing things or their values, but I do realise that in order to get far, if you can use Fe healthily and effectively, that's pretty powerful. But that's not what I'm good at or what I want to do.

Basically, I don't believe that type is set in stone, or that you can't change your favoured functions. Especially for people who've been victims of abuse, or aren't sure of their identity, or have identity that changes based on what label is slapped upon them. Traditional MBTI analysis doesn't take into account all of these, even with "function loops and grips", because they assume that personality is set in stone, which is not true. Even "normal" people will test differently based on whether they are on their "work" mode.

Tl;dr: MBTI theory is useless if you don't take into account cognitive neuroscience. Psychology and psychiatry has its basis in neurology. You have to understand at least a bit of neurology if you want to understand personality typology well.

"Cognitive functions" can be a nice way to make sense of how the brain works, but the brain itself is plastic and is an incredibly powerful conceptual tool once you learn how to "hack" your own mind. The downside is that some people assume that it's set in stone, because "experts" say so. Which is not true and contradicts other actual fields of cognitive research.

(Stuff like Cognitive Behavioural Therapy and medication helps with overcoming some of the problems, especially if you have a chronic illness like depression, or have to overcome chronic abuse.)

 

[Agent Washington]

Well there are variations within each type. My ESFJ friend is definitely not gentle at times with how she says things. Though that side of her is not probably what most people sees. I have found that you need to be extremely blunt with her for her to grasp a lot of things. So I think she reflects my bluntness back on me at times. Plus, she knows I have rather thick skin.

At times though I have feel that I have been a bit harsh on her, and have apologized. My own desire for safety and her safety as well just causes me to be defensive and overreact anytime an ex boyfriend of hers reappears in her life. I can find redeeming qualities in just about anyone, except apparently this awful emotionally abusive, prejudiced attempted rapist who I would certainly beat up if I did not know he would surely beat me in a fight. Though, on the semi-bright side, I think my tendency to tense up and become critical anytime he is around or mentioned clued my friend into the fact that he is an asshole. When I get to the point of loathing someone, there is something extremely wrong going on.
So, what I am saying is that situationally typed appear differently. I find Fe doms are capable of being rather harsh when they know they can be without breaking the peace.

I don't disagree. I diss on Fe a lot but I also don't feel like it applies to everyone or every situation. If I had to be exact and precise all the time, nothing would get done or said, so I sacrifice a bit of this preciseness. When I praise it, it's only about what it's capable of achieving rather than what it actually is. I've had great Fe people in my life, it's just rarer than the Te-Fi ones.

I've had to be really blunt to some heavy Fe users as well because boy... But also, I won't really bother doing that unless it's actually important to me that they hear what I have to say. Otherwise,

 

[Peter Deadpan]

No one over the Internet can type you with 100% accuracy based off of some questions. There are too many variables.

 

[Luminous]

(Stuff like Cognitive Behavioural Therapy and medication helps with overcoming some of the problems, especially if you have a chronic illness like depression, or have to overcome chronic abuse.)

InfernoToucan, have you considered therapy? Or talked to any kind of medical professional about how you are feeling? I've suffered with depression and anxiety for a long time. Therapy, depending on the therapist, could be helpful, but after the last deep pit I found myself in, the only thing that could really help me was medication. I avoided medication for a very long time, not wanting to take something that could mess with my mind or that I could find myself dependent on, but I am so very glad I did try it because I am feeling more and more like myself.

Have you looked at the grip and loop experiences of the Ne-using types?

I do think it would be helpful for you to get out of your head a bit. Don't worry about MBTI for awhile. It will still be there later.

 

[Agent Washington]

InfernoToucan, have you considered therapy? Or talked to any kind of medical professional about how you are feeling? I've suffered with depression and anxiety for a long time. Therapy, depending on the therapist, could be helpful, but after the last deep pit I found myself in, the only thing that could really help me was medication. I avoided medication for a very long time, not wanting to take something that could mess with my mind or that I could find myself dependent on, but I am so very glad I did try it because I am feeling more and more like myself.

Have you looked at the grip and loop experiences of the Ne-using types?

I do think it would be helpful for you to get out of your head a bit. Don't worry about MBTI for awhile. It will still be there later.

I should also add that I also had the benefit of seeing therapists and being on medication, as well as for other things that I had to deal with. Some I was unable to deal with via therapist like the main cause of my PTSD (which I won't talk about here).

Back then, I would have found their help minimal, but now, upon hindsight, I realise that they did contribute a lot in terms of giving other kinds of viewpoints and reassurances that I wouldn't have gotten otherwise, and they did help me see things from a perspective that improved my depression and anxiety.

Medication was necessary for recovery as well - but I had to try out a few different ones before I found one that worked. I was so much of a mess before that that I can't tell you I'm the "same" person before and after.

The thing about working with MBTI and other stuff only came from these foundations. Build up the basics first by dealing with the root causes - in this case, depression, anxiety, abuse.

 

[notmyapples]

What, to you, makes someone "definitely" an S type? This is where my confusion comes into play, because I have a lot of the same interests as N types. When I read the cognitive functions more and more, it doesn't really make sense to me why a Si dom or aux can't enjoy learning abstract concepts, especially when engaging with lower functions.

It has nothing to do with liking intuitive things, we all have both intuition and sensing in our stack. It's whether or not you have a preference for an Sx or Nx function. That makes someone "definitely" an S type if they show dominant use of an S function. You can have all the same interests as Michael Jackson but that doesn't mean you are Michael Jackson, it just means you share those shallow interests. Your reasons for liking those interests can vary, your personal enjoyment of those interests can vary, and your reasons for pursuing them can vary. It's the same with S vs N.

Enjoying abstract concepts isn't all that makes an N type, enjoying concrete concepts isn't all that makes an S type.

 

[Norrsken]

The biggest frustration with MBTI, is that, no matter how many people you ask, the answers will always vary depending on your current mood, their current mood, the relationship you two have, their knowledge on the functions, and so on. The only way you're going to find your real MBTI is (unfortunately) hours upon hours of research and complete honesty with yourself. You could pay to see a professional to help you with this, if you feel that this is very important to your self development.. But I think you are intelligent enough to do this on your own as well.

And to be a little blunt, you sound extremely depressed and unstable. When someone is not on a calm and stable wavelength, it makes typing for them even harder to do, even by other people. You only show what you are comfortable showing online, after all. I think the first thing you should do is find help with your depression and such so that you can come back healthier and easier to type as a result. Of course, don't heal yourself just for the MBTI. Do it for you.

 

[Yama]

It seems obvious to me that you're going through what I like to call "Fe angst." This is because you typed as an FJ and then read the descriptions and they make us sound like airheaded pieces of shit, and it doesn't help that everyone on the internet in typology communities claims that we're the worst types because no one properly understands what Fe is and think that it means that we're mean girls-esque and fake. Those people are idiots. And those descriptions suck. You just have to learn not to rely on labels to be your identity crutch. You're a person, not a type.

 

[InfernoToucan]

It has nothing to do with liking intuitive things, we all have both intuition and sensing in our stack. It's whether or not you have a preference for an Sx or Nx function. That makes someone "definitely" an S type if they show dominant use of an S function. You can have all the same interests as Michael Jackson but that doesn't mean you are Michael Jackson, it just means you share those shallow interests. Your reasons for liking those interests can vary, your personal enjoyment of those interests can vary, and your reasons for pursuing them can vary. It's the same with S vs N.

Enjoying abstract concepts isn't all that makes an N type, enjoying concrete concepts isn't all that makes an S type.

I don't mean to be rude...but no shit haha. I am just wondering how you can tell someone is an S not an N, or rather how have you been able to tell in the past?

[MENTION=26674]Nørrsken[/MENTION]

No need to feel sorry for being blunt because that's what I am. Years of emotional abuse and loneliness does things to people lol. I'm in the process of seeing a professional, though. I figured it doesn't hurt, along with the self discovery.
I have considered that perhaps I am giving people answers about myself which show me a different light, a more positive one, but the fact that 2 people are leaning towards me being an ESFJ makes me a bit more confident in this typing. I relate to many things about it, and other things not so much. Granted, things may change after I get some help for myself, but for now I'm becoming more accepting of this type and okay with it frankly. I do think Intuitive dominants are something quite unbelievable, particularly the ENXP and INXJs, but majority of us are sensors, particularly Si types. Hell, apparently Tolkien was an ISTJ and not even an INFP like everyone wants to believe. So I think it's all about accepting your weaknesses, and working on them day after day. (As you can tell, I've been in a better mood today lmao)

 

[notmyapples]

I don't mean to be rude...but no shit haha. I am just wondering how you can tell someone is an S not an N, or rather how have you been able to tell in the past?

And that's the answer. If they prefer to use an Sx function, not an Nx function. An Se user and an Si user isn't going to look the same either. You simply study the four perception functions, then pay attention to how the other person interacts with the world around them and takes in information. An Se user might constantly be looking for new experiences, an Si user may use past reference to take in the world around them, but those are all just maybes. A person's character goes past their type and functions will exhibit themselves in different ways. There's no formula to it.

 

[EcK]

Alright, please here me out because I'm at a loss as to what to think. For months now, ive been struggling to figure out my type, not be in able to see any one of them distinctly more than the others. I also have suffered from anxiety and depression since a very young age, so I'm already not very consistent in my behavior and mentality.

Someone on Perc messaged me saying they were willing to help me find my type. They were confirmed to be an ENFJ by a professional, and also seemed to have contributed a lot to the forums and have a lot of "thanks" associated with their username. So I thought, alright seems legit. Also he has Ni which should help him to see things I probably can't...I probably am going to be biased in my own judgment of myself. Anyways, we chatted a LOT and I sent him really long answers on my questions. And guess what? He is 100% certain I am an ESFJ.

Let me tell you why this sucks: from a young age, ive barely made any friends. I've been constantly rejected by people my age one way or another. Went through tons of depressive modes, became a Sofia introvert essentially, and now trying to bring myself back up by having a life for myself and not one thats about obsessing over my loneliness/lack of people in my life. For a while I became happier do in that, happy focusing on other things. Now I find out: I'm supposed to be a freaking pushover all along. Letting others bully me and tell me what to do is my "strength". Not the openmindedness and creativity of Ne-doms, the internal strength of Fi-doms, the intelligence from Ti and Te, the ability to produce beautiful art/do awesome things with Se, and the ability to essentially dominate the universe with Ni. And yes, I may have Si as my auxiliary, but depression fucked it up. Depression = constant memory loss, terrible focus and attention to details, and terrible at holding to your commitments.

So yes, I may sound like I'm whining and all over the place self-pitying, but I really can't find a way to deal with this. I am a Fe-dom without any of the strengths and little desire to continue this sort of life. Essentially, I have to be everyone's nanny or nurse. And smile and ignore what's on the inside, right?

I know, I know. Maybe he's wrong. But there's a strong chance he's not. He's met Ne-doms before and could probably see that I am nowhere near the level they are in terms of coming up with ideas.

If you want useful information go for the big 5. MBTI is not as useful when it comes to self actualization - I think. Also by it's nature if turns a continuum into discrete profiles - so if you don't have strong preferences in each axis (T/F, I/E etc.) it's much less accurate.
The way I see it MBTI is kind of a 'big 5 for beginners'.

Furthermore, why the hell do you trust someone else's opinion on your type : MBTI is a self assessment test. If you answer questions honestly you'll get a much more reliable answer that 'some guy's opinion' - and competency is not contagious, so the fact that he was tested by a professional is utterly meaningless to your particular situation.

 

[Poki]

Alright, please here me out because I'm at a loss as to what to think. For months now, ive been struggling to figure out my type, not be in able to see any one of them distinctly more than the others. I also have suffered from anxiety and depression since a very young age, so I'm already not very consistent in my behavior and mentality.

Someone on Perc messaged me saying they were willing to help me find my type. They were confirmed to be an ENFJ by a professional, and also seemed to have contributed a lot to the forums and have a lot of "thanks" associated with their username. So I thought, alright seems legit. Also he has Ni which should help him to see things I probably can't...I probably am going to be biased in my own judgment of myself. Anyways, we chatted a LOT and I sent him really long answers on my questions. And guess what? He is 100% certain I am an ESFJ.

Let me tell you why this sucks: from a young age, ive barely made any friends. I've been constantly rejected by people my age one way or another. Went through tons of depressive modes, became a Sofia introvert essentially, and now trying to bring myself back up by having a life for myself and not one thats about obsessing over my loneliness/lack of people in my life. For a while I became happier do in that, happy focusing on other things. Now I find out: I'm supposed to be a freaking pushover all along. Letting others bully me and tell me what to do is my "strength". Not the openmindedness and creativity of Ne-doms, the internal strength of Fi-doms, the intelligence from Ti and Te, the ability to produce beautiful art/do awesome things with Se, and the ability to essentially dominate the universe with Ni. And yes, I may have Si as my auxiliary, but depression fucked it up. Depression = constant memory loss, terrible focus and attention to details, and terrible at holding to your commitments.

So yes, I may sound like I'm whining and all over the place self-pitying, but I really can't find a way to deal with this. I am a Fe-dom without any of the strengths and little desire to continue this sort of life. Essentially, I have to be everyone's nanny or nurse. And smile and ignore what's on the inside, right?

I know, I know. Maybe he's wrong. But there's a strong chance he's not. He's met Ne-doms before and could probably see that I am nowhere near the level they are in terms of coming up with ideas.

How old are you?