I'm an INFJ female in a long distance relationship with an ISTJ male. It's been almost 9 months now and things are great, but we still have trouble quickly resolving our conflicts. While the actual root of the issue eventually gets addressed, we end up arguing about the steps that it took to get there.
For example: I had done something to clearly upset him. When I asked him what I had done/why he was angry, he would keep responding with "nothing", "I'm fine", things of that sort. A whole day later, he finally tells me very passive aggressively ("I really enjoy it when you.....") and I apologized, hoping we could talk it through and resolve it then and there. He ignored me for another day and later said that he regretted saying anything in the first place because it was something that shouldn't have been a big deal and he just needed time to get over it.
I try to be straightforward about the things that upset me and what it is that I expect from him and our relationship. I've asked him in the past not to ignore me (and expressed how much I HATE it) and that if he needs space, to just let me know and I'll gladly give it to him. Almost all of our fights have been aggravated due to poor communication.
I finally got him on the phone to talk. To try to put it in perspective, I asked him if he'd be angry if I repeatedly did something that he specifically asked me not to do (referring to ignoring me rather than telling me he needs space), and he agreed that he would and didn't speak the rest of the night.
Is he handling this how a typical ISTJ would? What would you guys prefer your partner to do given you were in this situation?
For example: I had done something to clearly upset him. When I asked him what I had done/why he was angry, he would keep responding with "nothing", "I'm fine", things of that sort. A whole day later, he finally tells me very passive aggressively ("I really enjoy it when you.....") and I apologized, hoping we could talk it through and resolve it then and there. He ignored me for another day and later said that he regretted saying anything in the first place because it was something that shouldn't have been a big deal and he just needed time to get over it.
I try to be straightforward about the things that upset me and what it is that I expect from him and our relationship. I've asked him in the past not to ignore me (and expressed how much I HATE it) and that if he needs space, to just let me know and I'll gladly give it to him. Almost all of our fights have been aggravated due to poor communication.
I finally got him on the phone to talk. To try to put it in perspective, I asked him if he'd be angry if I repeatedly did something that he specifically asked me not to do (referring to ignoring me rather than telling me he needs space), and he agreed that he would and didn't speak the rest of the night.
Is he handling this how a typical ISTJ would? What would you guys prefer your partner to do given you were in this situation?
