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[ISTJ] ISTJs and Jealousy... is it possible?

2XtremeENFP

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ISTJs seem to be the most logical and traditional people out there. Do you think they ever let jealous feelings arise or do they just hide it and not admit it because in society it's "wrong"?

if they do get jealous, what makes them jealous?
 

swordpath

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Yes, when it comes to females I can get jealous. Not an attractive or admirable thing but hey, I'm human.
 

Bella

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When it comes to men: Some men draw out jealousy by their behaviour, if they don't act like bachelors while they're with me there is no reason to be jealous.
I don't get jealous of other people, woman.
 

Cimarron

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Maybe jealously protecting a love-interest, but that's not really jealousy. I get frustrated when someone is better than me at something I take pride in or try hard to do well, and I wish I had their talent, but it doesn't usually go into jealousy territory.
 

dnivera

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I get jealous pretty easily. It comes from being a competitive person (in school, at work) who is status-obsessed and materialistic (keeping up with the Joneses). SJs are pretty materialistic, no?
I get it from my SJ parents...figures.
 

Condor

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ISTJs seem to be the most logical and traditional people out there. Do you think they ever let jealous feelings arise or do they just hide it and not admit it because in society it's "wrong"?

if they do get jealous, what makes them jealous?

Honestly, no. If I see something being done a better way than I'm doing it, then I'll adapt to do it that same way; as long as it's better than what I'm doing.

With regard to people, no. Of course, the question may be a bit skewed depending how strong the I is for the ISTJ in question (the stronger the I the fewer the people to cause the jealousy?). The only friendship I have is with my wife, and I do the best that I can for her. If that isn't good enough then there really isn't much more I can do - provided I've been honest enough with respect to doing the best I can for her.
 

"?"

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Considering that ISTJs are other and group oriented in being part of the SJ temperament, yes jealousy is pronounced. However I think that ISTJs would reason that they are merely protecting what they consider theirs (albeit family, property, their security).
 

NewEra

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Haha, are you kidding? I'm often very jealous/envious. I know it sounds bad, but sometimes I root for failure in others, so I can get further ahead.
 

Grungemouse

Widdles in your cream.
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I think one of the best things about having an ISTJ for a best friend, was the fact that she was the only female friend that never slumped into a jealous sulk whenever I mingled with other people. In fact, she often did the same. So no, she never seemed the jealous type.
 

d@v3

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Only when it comes to protecting others, especially certain females (like Cimarron said, a "love" interest). :yes: Other than that not really. Also, it doesn't show... at least I try not to let it.
 

Lori

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May 12, 2009
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I am not jealous of material things in regards to possessions or what others may have because I know if try hard enough that I am competent enough to get it on my own. I would just become competetive and set a goal to gain whatever it is. To me it doesn't seem logical and is a waste of energy to become jealous in those situations. In a romantic relationship if I do not fully trust the other person, then I can become really jealous and insecure. If there is full trust then no because I will "trust" them to do the right thing and then the other person is no longer a threat. But, then I guess the irony is well how often are ISTJ's actually fully trusting..lol.
 

Take Five

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If somebody has something that I want, I almost always think that I am responsible for not having it, or that it won't be important in the long run.
 

Recoleta

No me digas, che!
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ISXJ
I don't get jealous of people's possessions or stuff like that.

I was talking to d@v3 and Cimarron about this last night on vent. I decided that I can feel jealousy if I feel like I am "being replaced" by another person...this is especially true for my loved ones. I think because I form such strong bonds to my close friends/SO/family, I feel protective and almost suspicious if new people/friends start popping up in their lives and start integrating too quickly. However, I have to remember that most people form bonds faster with other people than I do.

For me, personally, it was weird when all my friends started getting married. It was like, this guy would show up out of nowhere, and all of a sudden, my friends' lives would completely revolve around their SO. I went from being a huge part of their life, to being somewhat of an afterthought because the other person consumed so much of their time. Anyway, over the past couple of years it has gotten better and things have balanced out. I have learned that if I love someone, I have to let them go and make their own decisions and I just provide support and acceptance along the way. Once I learned that, I was able to be secure enough in my friendships to know that I wasn't losing my friends, but that our relationships were just evolving due to change.

I think jealousy also somewhat stems from the amount of trust you have in the other person. I have a few people I would completely trust with my life, and I know that I can trust them. Jealousy is not worth it for those people, because I know they won't betray me. For those who I have a strong natural chemistry with, but have not had time to really take time to trust, I would probably be more jealous with simply because I can not be guaranteed of their loyalty.
 

Ozz

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If somebody has something that I want, I almost always think that I am responsible for not having it, or that it won't be important in the long run.

I couldn't put this a better way myself. Jealousy and regret often goes together.
 

defragmybrain

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Haha, so true of my ISTJ boyfriend. Since i'm his attention loving eSFP girlfriend, I think that his jealousy and posessiveness is VERY attractive and even endearing.
But the morals & sense of what is right and wrong... it confuses me. I often don't know how to approach him with my ideas or values because they are immediately rejected...
 

Lexicon

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My first boyfriend was ISTJ. He was the most possessive, jealous guy I've ever been involved with. It got downright controlling at times. At first it was sort of endearing. Naturally that wore thin after awhile.

& Defrag, I had similar issues when it came to bringing up morals/values/etc of my own. Just concepts I'd try to present him with would be immediately rejected, end-of-discussion sort of deal.

Hmph.
 

defragmybrain

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Yup,
"my way or the highway" and "i like what i like and there's no arguing that" seem to be the dominant preferences.
if anyone has advice on how to try and break through that ordeal, let me know.
i'm not exactly one to be compliant or mousy - i have my own values/ideals. It seems his goal is to try to change or shape mine since i'm a very accepting and malleable person.
 

Lexicon

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Yup,
"my way or the highway" and "i like what i like and there's no arguing that" seem to be the dominant preferences.
if anyone has advice on how to try and break through that ordeal, let me know.
i'm not exactly one to be compliant or mousy - i have my own values/ideals. It seems his goal is to try to change or shape mine since i'm a very accepting and malleable person.


My ex and I ultimately didn't work out from a combination of his jealousy/controlling issues and the fact that our differences constantly disappointed him. That I wouldn't adopt his viewpoints, and that I questioned his way of thinking whatsoever.

He ended up marrying a super-domestic, cliche 50s housewife sorta gal. ESFJ I believe. And, I mean, they're happy. And good. I couldn't fulfill those needs, y'know. I wasn't about to become any sort of Mrs. Cleaver.
Anyway, we became friends a few yrs down the road. All for the best; I wish him well. He wasn't damaging, per se.. some people just don't fit.
 

AphroditeGoneAwry

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My first boyfriend was ISTJ. He was the most possessive, jealous guy I've ever been involved with. It got downright controlling at times. At first it was sort of endearing. Naturally that wore thin after awhile.

& Defrag, I had similar issues when it came to bringing up morals/values/etc of my own. Just concepts I'd try to present him with would be immediately rejected, end-of-discussion sort of deal.

Hmph.

Yup,
"my way or the highway" and "i like what i like and there's no arguing that" seem to be the dominant preferences.
if anyone has advice on how to try and break through that ordeal, let me know.
i'm not exactly one to be compliant or mousy - i have my own values/ideals. It seems his goal is to try to change or shape mine since i'm a very accepting and malleable person.

yes. i would caution you, defrag, to test the waters soundly in the jealousy realm before getting very serious. my hubby is ixtj (thought intj at first, but now i'm leaning more istj) but the number one thing i knew was a problem was his jealousy issues. he had them way back in high school to his first real gf. since i met him young (first year in college) i didn't realize just how toxic it could become over time. as infj, i was always very touchy-feely and warm to people, but he quickly let me know i had to draw the line with guys there. that was okay by me then because i had mostly gfs and was looking forward to a career in midwifery, which puts me predominantly around women. so it was never much of a challenge for him or us.

however, as this 21 year relationship rolls along, and i become more self-actualized (if you will), i sincerely feel that guy energy is missing from my life. guy friends, going out and having the occasional flirting with guys as women are wont to do, etc. but he is having a very hard time with it. it isn't logical at all for him to be so jealous, and i've talked and talked with him about it til we're sick and tired of the subject. he admits he's jealous, but also believes he has a right to be....that i'm his woman and he doesn't want 'his woman' to do x, y, or z. almost like i'm his possession. this is the single most difficult thing in my marriage i have had to deal with, and even though it can seem little at first, it becomes big over time to feel controlled.

what would i have done differently? asserted those needs more, or those potential needs. it wasn't really a need at the time to be friendly with men, so i let it go. gave in. i think nfs can do this for the sake of getting along and making their mate feel good or better.......but sometimes i think that way of being just pushes problems off to the side. but i would NOW absolutely have made it clear i would have whatever guy friends i wanted. that i would go out with my friends and do what girls do, within reason, and that i wasn't going to be subversively forced to give in to his jealousy or control. i would have instituted therapy even, knowing what i know now.

but i'm super happy with my istj otherwise....he's amazing and super loyal and loves me deeply after all these years. thinks i'm his goddess! there is really nothing he won't do for me.
 

Cimarron

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Just for the record, (because I can't edit earlier posts), I don't know what I was getting at in my post on the previous page... I think Uberfuhrer was dead on in the first post.
 
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