[ESFJ] ESFJ - ISTJ 'Relationship Experience'

[LavenderSoda]

I would describe our encounter to be the equivalent of being forced into a society that you do not belong. I have heard nothing but beautiful things about the ESFJ - ISTJ encounter. I figured that I didn't have anything to worry about. So I decided to proceed with this 'relationship'. I quote relationship in that manner because initially the ESFJ and I were only friends. It wasn't really my decision to 'proceed' with the process of a relationship. I kind of fell into it, yet I didn't stop it once I realized what I 'fell' into, which is why I say I decided. He seemed to be a sweet person and I liked the fact he used the cognitive function, Introverted Sensing. I have never met anybody with that cognitive function so I figured that our encounter would be painless. I was indeed wrong. I want to be completely honest and say that our encounter during the beginning was actually great. I wasn't sexual attracted to him, so if you are looking at my post as a reference I just want you to know that I wasn't attracted to his physical aesthetic. Everything I did was sincerely based on what his mind appeared to be like. I do care about aesthetic greatly, which is very weird as to how all of this even began; but it happened.

He changed himself into someone that I couldn't recognize. He even said that he can 'change' into these sort of people. It confused me because I wasn't sure what he meant by 'changing' himself. He told me that he could become anything that I wanted. I don't like those sort of things. Honesty is a very big thing to me. If I dislike or like someone, I want it to be because of the person they are not the person they are trying to be. The very first time I met him he approached me and was very engaging. He helped me with my ordeal and we seemed to sorta hit it off. I figured that this person was really nice and sweet and like anybody else I invited him into my 'circle'. It was a huge mistake.

He controlled me, he would TRY to manipulate me; but if I didn't do what was 'asked' of me he would throw little fits. Our friendship/relationship was very onesided. Everything I did was HIS idea. I really didn't want to do any of those things; but as a friend would I shut up and let it happen. It started off slightly inappropriate. The phone calls in the middle of the night were strange. He would tell me that he had some issues and of course I wouldn't unbefriend a person because of their mental idiosyncrasies but by gosh he was insane. On the outside he seemed like an innocent being; however in actuality he was a disgusting person. He would say inappropriate sexual things towards me and I hadn't even gotten the chance to really KNOW him yet. I mean, I am just a friend and I am just a person you met a few days ago. He didn't care though. So of course these things made me uncomfortable. I would try to voice my opinion on these things and his response would be very perplexing. He would want me to shut up and let it literally happen. As if he was raping me, without raping me. After he would finish doing whatever weirdness he would do he would try to tell me that his father made him 'weird' and that I should just get used to him being disgusting. By this time I was really disturbed by him and I barely picked up my phone when he called.

He used his Introverted Sensing as a defense. Apparently while I was away and he was in my home, he would look through my things in my room. He memorized my room and where all my items are. He would tell me where everything is and of course I found this really creepy. He was invaded my privacy and when I would try to tell him about this, he would tell me that his father made him into the person that he is today, A freaking psycho.
He would try to show up to my home unannounced; but he really couldn't because of how our foundation/rules are set up. He knew he couldn't get away with that so he tried other things.

He would try to manipulate me into getting certain things done. It would be something as simple as my nails. He wanted me to tell him I loved him every night. He wanted me to tell him what I loved about him. It was so uncomfortable. It was like talking to a stranger and telling them my personal information.

When I would confront him again as I would multiple times he would blame it on his father and god. Lol.

Is this even normal? Do ESFJs act like this?

 

[Habba]

That's not normal for any type. He sounds like pretty emotionally abusive person. It might be very much true that his father made him 'weird', but he himself has actively decided to remain 'weird'.


Now, ESFJs can be rather emotionally dominant people. They can be the emotionally assertative people who constantly martyre themselves in front of the others. Classical example would be a mother who greatly overdoes the amount of food for holiday dinner and then complains that most of the food was left over and nobody respects her work in the kitchen.
ESFJs are often people who forcibly push themselves onto people and their lives. They hate being alone and unneeded (like everyone else, but just more).

But there are some good ESFJs too, not everyone's a freak.

 

[Haven]

This sounds pretty fucked up @LavendarSoda probably not ESFJ, probably not normal, it's not your fault though. My ex was pretty controlling too it feels great to be away!