[ISFJ] When a ISFJ crushes on a close friend? (Trying to figure you ISFJs out!)

[wolvesss]

Hey ISFJs!

I'm just curious (so I can settle down my mind): how do you ISFJs act when you have a crush on a close friend whom you're comfortable with? Actually... How do ISFJs act in general with your best friend(s)? Are you guys touchy-touchy and super silly if you're friend is also silly and touchy?

I have a reserved yet silly/chatty ISFJ female friend, and I'm just trying to decipher her, I guess. We tend to joke around a lot (which heavily includes play-flirt). I joke around with all my friends like that though, but specifically with her? It's taken a weird turn, and I'm just curious if it's just me being weird or if it's just her behavior from her personality. She and I are super affectionate (head on shoulders, arms around each other whenever we are near one another). For example, I have another friend who is also touchy and hugging all the time, but when this friend gets touchy with my ISFJ friend, my ISFJ doesn't return it back with enthusiasm as much as she does when I touch her. My ISFJ has also showed more vigor and attention when showering me with gifts on special occasions, but that could be due to her being a really close friend of mine. Also, she shares personal information with me that she doesn't with our other friends - but this could just be because we are super close friends. Lastly, when we're together, I make her laugh like crazy and vice versa. Oddly enough, she's always comparing how much fun she has with us (my friends and I) than when she's with her significant other. I find it interesting that she would compare my time with her to her boyfriend also. But that could just be because she's confused as to why she's enjoying spending time with me more than her SO. Maybe I'm just being weird and it's all in my head? Help me out, ISFJs!

 

[Yama]

I can't speak for other ISFJs at all.

But with me, you will never know. I'd rather never say anything than risk looking stupid and/or being rejected.

I'm a silly goofball around my friends. They call me "mom" because I'm the token feeler among us (we're all ISxJs, but they're ISTJs). I'm not touchy though (and I am sx last in enneagram). I love being silly with friends though. I wouldn't call myself warm/affectionate/anything of the sort, though my friends still kind of see me that way I guess. I do love them very much, I just don't tell them in words because it's awkward. Sometimes I do things for them though, like when I had money I bought them all random presents sometimes. I bought like three different people Super Smash Bros when it came out.

My ISTJ bestie likes to hold hands sometimes. He's a jerk though. He snaps his fingers and expects me to hold hands with him lol. If I ignore him he snaps again and is like "You know the rules." If I keep ignoring him he just grabs it. But it's all fine, I ignore him to tease him. Honestly my friends are more touchy than me, I never initiate touch. I'd have to be super close to someone to do that, and even then I might not be comfortable with it. I don't really like hugs unless I initiate them (which I never do lol).

My best friend is the one I vent to about everything. Dunno about the other ISFJs, but I love--no, I need--to be able to talk to my close friends about things when they bother me, or if I'm having a bad day I need to be able to vent to them. They don't mind at all and it makes me happy.

Hopefully those answers had any kind of use at all. Can't tell you what to do in your particular situation (especially since she has an SO--I wouldn't intervene with that). I'll tag [MENTION=24479]themightyfetus[/MENTION] also

 

[wolvesss]

You're an awesome friend, what. I need friends to buy me video games! Hmm, okay. So you're not super affectionate as an ISFJ, I see. What about when you have a crush on someone?

Well, my ISFJ friend willingly shows affection, but it just so happens to be more so with me - but that could be because we are really close friends, and she genuinely likes me. I know it all depends on the individual, so I'm trying to keep an open mind about personality and behaviors. But, yeah, my ISFJ friend is exactly like you where she needs to vent or tell our friends what's bothering her. When it comes to even more personal issues, she likes to come to me and ask for support to hear her out, which is totally normal in friendship and a quality of ISFJ. She's also a huuuge goofball, too. All of my friends are, actually haha!

Thanks for answering! c:

 

[Yama]

You're an awesome friend, what. I need friends to buy me video games! Hmm, okay. So you're not super affectionate as an ISFJ, I see. What about when you have a crush on someone?

This boils down to personal preference--I rarely ever crush on anyone. If I do, I don't do anything about it--they'd have to do something first.

Well, my ISFJ friend willingly shows affection, but it just so happens to be more so with me - but that could be because we are really close friends, and she genuinely likes me. I know it all depends on the individual, so I'm trying to keep an open mind about personality and behaviors. But, yeah, my ISFJ friend is exactly like you where she needs to vent or tell our friends what's bothering her. When it comes to even more personal issues, she likes to come to me and ask for support to hear her out, which is totally normal in friendship and a quality of ISFJ. She's also a huuuge goofball, too. All of my friends are, actually haha!

Thanks for answering! c:

I have another friend (who is also an ISFJ) and I don't know how it happened, but we're in this level of mutual-venting that we can literally tell each other anything free of judgment. She's the kind of person who asks personal (but not rude) questions to get to know people quickly, and genuinely cares and remembers to answers. It was all pretty much her doing.

 

[fetus]

Oh, around my closest friends, I'm the biggest dork. This seems to be something I've noticed with ISFJs. When comfortable, we're actually very silly and random people (screw the stereotypes). If I'm not close to someone, I'm quiet - still warm, but quiet. The closer you are to me, the more you have to deal with crazy Fetus. But I get maxed out. Like, I have three close friends right now, and they see the silly me. I don't have the capacity to deeply love more people, or the energy to spread out my randomness to everybody. If she seems that comfortable around you, you're very lucky.

Personally, I am very affectionate towards my close friends. Very. I buy them gifts, make them things, cherish my time with them, genuinely pour into their lives. I try to tell them how much I love them as frequently as I can. I don't initiate physical touch, because I'm afraid they won't be comfortable with that. So I hold back in that area. However, I love when they initiate with me.

I'm totally with [MENTION=23583]21lux[/MENTION] with the needing to talk with close friends about worrisome things. That's exactly me - just having to vent it all out. It's really comforting to see another ISFJ feel exactly that way too! (Lux, I'm totally feelin' the similarities here. Damn.)

It's also worth noting that I'm an Enneagram 2, which is a pretty affectionate type in general, and I'm sx second - so I feel like I might be a little bit more "out there" with feelings and such than Lux.

I don't know if she likes you or not. Everyone's so different in that kind of thing.

 

[Yama]

I don't have the capacity to deeply love more people, or the energy to spread out my randomness to everybody. If she seems that comfortable around you, you're very lucky.

Oh same. I'd say I have 3 close friends, and a few others. I couldn't handle any more than that!

Personally, I am very affectionate towards my close friends. Very. I buy them gifts, make them things, cherish my time with them, genuinely pour into their lives. I try to tell them how much I love them as frequently as I can. I don't initiate physical touch, because I'm afraid they won't be comfortable with that. So I hold back in that area. However, I love when they initiate with me.

I made my best friend an "Alphabet Book" for his birthay one year--A-Z scrapbook of things that he liked. A is for Ayumi Hamasaki, B is for Butterfly Knives, C is for Clannad, that kind of thing. He loves it so much. I also make him hand-crafted birthday cards that he adores. (Though my friends don't do feelings, so I don't tell them I love them with words so much!)

 

[fetus]

I made my best friend an "Alphabet Book" for his birthay one year--A-Z scrapbook of things that he liked. A is for Ayumi Hamasaki, B is for Butterfly Knives, C is for Clannad, that kind of thing. He loves it so much. I also make him hand-crafted birthday cards that he adores. (Though my friends don't do feelings, so I don't tell them I love them with words so much!)

This is creepy, because I basically do the same thing! The other week I made my three closest friends a scrapbook of our friendship. Printed out pictures of our memories, each of them got their own page with quotes that describe us, friend bucket list...they all really appreciated it. Even the ISTP showed appreciation and even some affection, and she never does that. (My close friend group consists of an ISTP 9w8, INFP 9w1, and ISFJ something. The ISFJ and I are night and day though.)

I also draw their own birthday cards and stuff.

 

[Unionruler]

These are mine for beyond just friends
- Tells personal stories
- Needs real life quality time
- Inadvertedly reveals insecurities about whether the relationship will work because I think about the person and the relationship so much
- Extends touches when convenient and opportune (i.e. wouldn't feel too out of place)
- Texts in chunks, at intervals rarely above 8 hours

If you get a handmade gift (i.e. anything not bought off-the-shelf) it's a terribly good indicator you're liked, unless I explicitly clarified a "just friends" status beforehand.

Not silly though. Am only silly with my ENFJ sister.