[ESFJ] Feeling stuck. Rewarding work for ESFJ.

[Gogol]

So the short of is Im stuck as an SJ. How to break the cycle? There are all these things happening but I feel my tolerance for risk and uncertainty is preventing from taking the plunge. I'm unemployed depressed and living with parents.
My type profile says that Im supposed to enjoy working with people but my experience of direct customer facing job shows otherwise. I find my Fe to be draining and causing unnecessary attention to external evaluationm and anxiety. Ive worked in IT before finding the Si part and some Ne creativity enjoyable. The running stereotype that ESFJs is a good caretaker but I think my interest lies in more Si, Ne TI activities testing as Investigative and Conventional on the SDS.

 

[Yama]

As an SFJ with kind of "weak" or "weird" Fe myself, my advice to you would be not to look at ESFJ career recommendations--most people actually have a pretty poor picture of SFJs (and SJs in general). I would explore around, see what kind of work you like, and look into it. Don't force yourself into a service job because "ESFJ profile says I should be good at it." If you don't enjoy it currently, you're not going to enjoy it if you force yourself to do it. If you liked working in IT, I would look around for career in a similar branch and see if any of those sound interesting to you, and perhaps meet with a career counselor.

 

[Gogol]

Thanks 21lux, all great advice. Kind of my beef with the MBTI at this point. As much as I value typology it seems that the SJ and SP for that matter are viewed way too simplistically. Have you been able to find anything out there in MBTI that gives a more accurate portrayal of SJs or another system that doesn't have this bias?

 

[Yama]

Thanks 21lux, all great advice. Kind of my beef with the MBTI at this point. As much as I value typology it seems that the SJ and SP for that matter are viewed way too simplistically. Have you been able to find anything out there in MBTI that gives a more accurate portrayal of SJs or another system that doesn't have this bias?

Unfortunately many sources have a lot of bias, but I know of a couple threads within this forum that you may find interesting that address bias.

http://www.typologycentral.com/foru...fp-enfj-infj-/80909-esfj-e2-peoples-enfp.html
This one talks about how ESFJs often mistype as ENFP because ESFJ descriptions are so riddled with bias

http://www.typologycentral.com/foru...si-conservative-semantics-misconceptions.html
This is a thread I started the other day about Si and SJ bias

Luckily this forum here has some of the most educated people I've ever met, and since many forum member here are mature, there isn't as much bias as you'd find on, say, PerC or something.

 

[Yama]

Woops I forgot to add this one as well.

http://www.typologycentral.com/foru...tive-functions/80466-fe-wiki-description.html
This thread covers this website's description of Fe, and asks for feedback from actual Fe-users on how to make it better, which you might help benefit the site from participating in.

 

[Generalist]

Hi, I am somewhat new to the whole typing thing, but one thing I am learning is that there seems to be a lot of information out there that gives rather simplistic descriptions of the various types. It seems like you could be missing a key characteristic or two and still be that type. I have been told that the descriptions suck and all those career recommendation are just that, recommendations. obviously some people are going to be better at some jobs then others, but there are all kinds of jobs out there with all kinds of people in them. I wouldn't force yourself to do something that is draining to you that you don't want to do. Despite my slacker behavior apparently I could still be an isfj, but to be honest my dream job would be just me working all by myself. No people. If you like IT and you are good at it and one top of that, it is in demand, then I think you have your answer. You can always change your mind later, I have read people change careers five times in their lifetime. Good luck.

 

[21%]

Maybe the "working with people" bit might mean a kind of coordinating role where you work with people you already know (not customers, who are practically strangers -- I think that is draining even for an extravert)

I'd start with thinking about things you enjoy doing. What kinds of role do you like to be in? Do you like to work alone on a project? Do you like coordinating things? Do you like coming up with ideas? Then go from there.

 

[thoughtlost]

As an SFJ myself, I wouldn't waste my time using the personality "formulas" to help you out.
Dig deep into yourself. And then look around you. If you're young (between the ages of 18 - 26), don't fret too much about living at home. I WISH I wasn't paying rent right now lol.

What matters is your feelings right now. Are you too inhibited from applying to places? Do you feel like your shooting your options away because all you can see are the negatives and the positives aren't motivating you to continue?
I don't know what you're actual issue is, but one thing for sure is that it's best to look for answers within own unique situation rather than a description that says "ESFJs are the helpers" ...which isn't what an "ESFJ" is.

 

[Cellmold]

Ti iz da kee. Dat inf3r1or neds lukin at.

Tru3t mee! Tek s3ratonin supleemonts 4 anxeye-et-ee if u wnt, butt m1ndful nes iz da reel winar.

Lurn knot 2 asume pepples moateevashuns, 4orce ureself 2 tayke a st3p bak and nut rush 2 conclushons abut situahshuns.

Br3thin exarcizes r usful. G3ts ther l1mbic systum und3r cuntrol.

1tz hrd butt ah b3live u can do it!

 

[Gogol]

Ti iz da kee. Dat inf3r1or neds lukin at.

Lurn knot 2 asume pepples moateevashuns, 4orce ureself 2 tayke a st3p bak and nut rush 2 conclushons abut situahshuns.

How would you go about this?

CBT? Excercises to develop Ti?

 

[Gogol]

As an SFJ myself, I wouldn't waste my time using the personality "formulas" to help you out.
Dig deep into yourself. And then look around you. If you're young (between the ages of 18 - 26), don't fret too much about living at home. I WISH I wasn't paying rent right now lol.

What matters is your feelings right now. Are you too inhibited from applying to places? Do you feel like your shooting your options away because all you can see are the negatives and the positives aren't motivating you to continue?
I don't know what you're actual issue is, but one thing for sure is that it's best to look for answers within own unique situation rather than a description that says "ESFJs are the helpers" ...which isn't what an "ESFJ" is.

I will definitely heed your advice and avoid using the ESFJ descriptions and focus on my own Si and what it likes in my situations and experience. Nothing worse then accepting other's stereotypes and projections onto yourself. That said, the functions may be more useful - although even some of them suffer from overly simplistic definitions. Luckily seeing this forum it seems that there is enough contributing types and willingness to listen that this may soon change. I hope there is more SJs and SPs joining to help in that effort.

My main thing is and I know some of it comes from poor Ti is just seeing the negative in everything. After reading In the Grip, ESFJ's Ti may be overly critical and unable to see the positive in situations. I tend to focus on the negative in situations and find the positive hard to use as motivations. "Why bother, nobody is happy even if they do have a good job, I don't think I"ll be happy even then and there will be even more shit to deal with."

 

[thoughtlost]

I will definitely heed your advice and avoid using the ESFJ descriptions and focus on my own Si and what it likes in my situations and experience. Nothing worse then accepting other's stereotypes and projections onto yourself. That said, the functions may be more useful - although even some of them suffer from overly simplistic definitions. Luckily seeing this forum it seems that there is enough contributing types and willingness to listen that this may soon change. I hope there is more SJs and SPs joining to help in that effort.

My main thing is and I know some of it comes from poor Ti is just seeing the negative in everything. After reading In the Grip, ESFJ's Ti may be overly critical and unable to see the positive in situations. I tend to focus on the negative in situations and find the positive hard to use as motivations. "Why bother, nobody is happy even if they do have a good job, I don't think I"ll be happy even then and there will be even more shit to deal with."

Yes, it can be hard to realize that a job isn't supposed to be the golden nugget for happiness. And if you have that attitude, then yes... you'll feel lost.
Whatever you do, you want to feel happy doing it. Whether it's having a cup of chamomile tea before you sleep or doing a job that allows you to feel like you're doing something meaningful.
So take it one thing at time and get into a habit of doing things that feel right and natural for you.