[ISFJ] Can an ISFJ ex become friends?

[velvet_vampiress]

My ISFJ ex came back as a friend 3 days after the break up
What the fuck does it mean??????
We met online and had a thing which i'm not even sure if I can call it a relationship although we call it that.
I saw red flags such as him falling head over heels to me very fast.
I ignored it.
He has depression, went to a doctor which i insisted him to.
We have a huge age gap.
We live in different countries.
The miscommunication and lack of physical connection got bad, we felt miserable.
We had two melt downs where he would distanced him self and I voiced my sadness that I don't feel loved.
The first one he got very distanced and I voiced my sadness then he took a break for a week but ended up only for 2 days because he said he felt too strongly for me and miss me.
The second one was what lead to our break up.
He said he wanted to take some time off from the relationship and I implicitly said i can't take it anymore, he got mad and suggested in rage to end the madness, i agree.
I said my nicest goodbye and for him to take care of him self (since he has depression).
Now, he came back after 3 days, as a friend.
He said he got in to his all time low after the break up and almost killed himself.
He now took medication because he knows he have real problems.
He's also going to take 1 year off his study to sort his depression.
He said it clearly, he wants to tell me because he still thinks of me as a good friend.
Later on in our conversation he also mentioned about "this friendship" to make it clearer.
Don't get me wrong, I've offered to go to his country for 3 months to see what we can do with our relationship.
At first he was excited, then he has doubts and slowly the idea is gone into oblivion.
I can't say I haven't tried.
I told him honestly that i was in my healing process when we ended things, but then he came back so the healing process have to change instead of doing it only by my self.
I told him I'm still trying to move on and i still have feelings for him.
I asked him whether he still has feelings for me since I heard that ISFJ has problem of letting go.
He said he doesn't have feelings for me, but then quickly add, but I don't know for sure, i need to wait it up to see.
I just can't even.....

Questions:
1. He's just a lonely guy and there was never a relationship wasn't it?
2. Does he even have any feelings for me? How can a loyal affectionate ISFJ can look for an ex after only 3 days as a friend? I still can't even get rid of my sadness.
3. Why does he come to me? Am I a routine in his life?
4. Can I still win him back? Now that he's back, my feelings are all rushing back. I'm planning to go on a year volunteering adventure. I want to come to his city and to meet him. At least now that i'm planning to go for sure and not just for him, it won't give him any pressure.
I've been giving him nothing but support, he said it him self that I've given him so many good things and he felt that he hasn't given back appropriately. My only down fall was the harsh criticism and the lack of physical contact that comes with the long distance relationship.
5. Should I move on or move forward?

Haaalp!
Confuzzled ENFP

 

[Lady Lazarus]

I am doyen of dropping off the face of the earth so, no. That last vocable buttressed to an added meaning by the word "thanks", naturally.

 

[ceecee]

I am doyen of dropping off the face of the earth so, no. That last vocable buttressed to an added meaning by the word "thanks", naturally.

This post is more interesting than the mess of emotion and spittle in the OP, for some reason.

Oh and ENFP, you're not confused at all. You knew this was koo koo for coco puffs when you wrote it and we all know it when we read it.

 

[21%]

Just to clarify things: have you met him in person?

Long distance is very, very, very bad, even when you already have a healthy relationship. It's emotionally draining, and you have to fight feelings of loneliness and disconnectedness and a lot of miscommunication. Having to build everything from long-distance is even more difficult.

So, the bottom line is, I don't think it's a good idea, so, no don't be "friends" with him. Block him and disappear.

These are some of my additional concerns, which might upset you, so you can choose to read it or not. Again, these are based on the very little info I got from the OP.

Huge red flags: you met online. You don't really know who he is.
The big age gap: how big? How old are you? How old is he?
He seems to treat you poorly and immaturely.
At best you are his online fantasy. At worst, well, he has other agendas.
I really, really hope you're at least over 18, if you know what I mean.

I'm sorry you're going through this. It sucks

 

[Pierre-Yves]

Good evening,

I'm just discovering your post; you may have done plenty of things since you posted it.
I'll try to answer you as the male ISFJ I am, couscious that we're obviously not the same for the reason we're of the same MBTI type (my mother is also ISFJ, but we're very different in some ways !).
_Generally speaking I would not recommend to enter a relationship while being or with a person who is in bad mental health condition, but as it comes...
_I personally would never come back to a former lover with the intention of "just being friends", but his depression, or some other things, may bring him where I should not go

I'll try to answer to your questions:
1. Probable, yes
2. He looks pretty lost, so as a desperate or unhealthy act, he may try that (in order to recover you, or because he's desperately lost)
3. I would bet he's trying to have you back, in an unhealthy way
4. I personally think you'll have almost nothing to do to win him back
5. I think he, and maybe you both, should go for individual therapy. Not the answer, I know.
Apart from that, I think if you're patient and there's a positive way out of this, if your ISFJ man stabilizes, and if you both come to be conscious of how your minds work, there may be something to try. But don't stay for months or years from now in an unhealthy relationship, it would let you durably destroyed.
You both seem well intentioned to each other, I sincerely hope you'll come to a reasonable end with your story, whether it would be durable love (finally) or unfortunably acceptable and durable breakup.


PY

 

[SpankyMcFly]

You knew this was koo koo for coco puffs when you wrote it and we all know it when we read it.

Your American is showing

 

[tinker683]

Short answer: Yes, but not until YEARS have passed. I'm friends with two of my ex's, both are married with children and I couldn't be happier for them