[ISFJ] ISFJ Personality Traits - What does an unhealthy ISFJ look like?

[Little_Sticks]

How about Batman?

 

[gappy]

This is from personal experience. ISFJS can be really nice, warm hearted people. I've seen it myself. But on the other hand an unhealthy ISFJ has been uh. Probably one of the worst troubles I've had to deal with

They are

-Guilt tripping
-Controlling
-Perfectionist, criticize other people for their short comings constantly
-Puts blame on others
-Very little care for anyone but themselves, gets a sick satisfaction out of catching peoples mistakes and berating them for it

A lot on this thread describes the experience I've had with unhealthy ISFJs perfectly, ISFJS can be pretty cool damn people until their other side starts showing lol.

 

[Evee]

Guilt tripping. Dramatics and emotional manipulation.

 

[Forever]

Dang it what is with these old threads being opened without my permission?

Haha jk this is actually pretty interesting.

 

[newjessie]

ISFJ The tough stuff to deal with in a relationship (from an INFJ partner)

My ISFJ partner seems similar. Not good at conversation, needy, suspicious, pessimistic. He doesn't get excited about anything. He won't make friends or develop his own interests. He's good at paying bills and taking care of insurance and other administrative chores. Is very much about woman's role vs the male's role. Has a hard time actually hearing what you are saying, instead he comes to an understanding that is quite different from what you were communicating. I tell him that when I'm telling him something he is making up his own version instead of following what I'm actually saying. He is insecure and needs a lot of encouragement. I think he has unhealthy boundaries but that could be upbringing and not type.

 

[newjessie]

ISFJ The tough stuff to deal with in a relationship (from an INFJ partner)

My ISFJ partner seems similar. Not good at conversation, needy, suspicious, pessimistic. He doesn't get excited about anything. He won't make friends or develop his own interests. He's good at paying bills and taking care of insurance and other administrative chores. Is very much about woman's role vs the male's role. Has a hard time actually hearing what you are saying, instead he comes to an understanding that is quite different from what you were communicating. I tell him that when I'm telling him something he is making up his own version instead of following what I'm actually saying. He is insecure and needs a lot of encouragement. I think he has unhealthy boundaries but that could be upbringing and not type.

From INFJ wife.
Oh yes, lots of drama and manipulation, too.

 

[tinker683]

As a male ISFJ, I can say the above mentioned traits are sadly true. I am an ugly human being to be around when I'm in a screwed up state of mind, which is why I try to isolate myself when I'm in those states

 

[AStrange~Nostalgia]

They look like a depressed human being. I've dealt with unhealthy close ISFJ, and I don't mind it exept when they try isolate themselves like the post above says. I just hate this and it frustrates me.

I always help them and they feel happy and releaved each time they crawl out of their shell of guilt. But again they would sneak in that place once again, considering the concept of being naturally independent and that they are people who always solve their problems without telling anyone or needing any help.

This kind of emotions is awfull and I myself feel it in the grip. And the effort you make to make them feel comfortable and welcome, and that it's really helpful and a source of happiness and hope for them, this effort is what makes them clime their way out of the shell, into becoming a better person even.

It's worth it. They just need to relax and feel WARMTH, while knowing they are getting the wright help and not just wasting more time.

Hope this was helpfull.

Hope its

 

[Earl Grey]

Are they particularly skilled at guilt trips? Underhanded manipulation?

Absolutely. It's a natural skill of theirs. If you had their loyalty, that'd slowly dissipate and they'd turn against you in subtle ways, distrusting you, poking at you, and if they were supportive they would withdraw support (a sinful act in the ISFJ's eyes, who shows love through support).

What are their defenses and tactics of choice when they want attention, control, etc.?

Quite honestly it's hard to tell until the ISFJ has been pushed very far. But they:

- Get nitpicky "This is what I have done, what have you done?" "Why aren't you helping me? I helped you do [X] 2 days ago!"

- See you as the cause of their negative emotions even if indirect "I can't focus at work. This is because [you] aren't giving me [what the ISFJ wants]."

- Trying to put their foot down or seeing their emotions as more important than yours, but in unhealthy and negative ways and tries to rationalize them, sometimes in ways not making sense (eg; even if the both of you need dinner, they will absolutely stop making dinner, or doing something similar other than actually talking it out with you or setting boundaries, "If they see how important my presence is, they will pay more attention to me." "Ya. I don't care. *actually cares*")

- Reasoning with them will work less. The point is they want an emotional need met (even if they sometimes can't or won't say it out loud), ending up in a guessing game. They don't want to hear what is right or wrong, THEY are HURT and THEY NEED to process it.

- Male or female, they will become more petty and catty as a way of getting back at you / as an inefficient way of showing that they have unmet needs.

- Two words: Martyr Syndrome.

 

[Peter Deadpan]

A lot of this sounds like e6 coping mechanisms, which would make sense for many ISFJs.