[ESFJ] What do Male ESFJs do?

[Stansmith]

There are all these stereotypes about ESFJs being soccer moms and slaving over sewing machines, but what the hell do male ESFJs do? My theory is that the male ESFJ archetype is the secretly-effeminate jock or the smiling faithful thug. They blend into mainstream male culture perfectly, but still have that ESFJ warmth and earthiness to them.

John Cena comes to mind:

Drake too:

They're more likely to be seen as "normal" than ENFP males.

 

[HongDou]

They blend into mainstream male culture perfectly, but still have that ESFJ warmth and earthiness to them.

That's basically what I've seen. They seem like comedians, as the ones I know still have that stereotypical "guy" sense of humor which they use to liven up the group.

 

[Stansmith]

That's basically what I've seen. They seem like comedians, as the ones I know still have that stereotypical "guy" sense of humor which they use to liven up the group.

They're like really, really down-to-earth ENTPs with average joe appeal. Maybe even more ESTP if anything.

 

[Cellmold]

They're like really, really down-to-earth ENTPs with average joe appeal. Maybe even more ESTP if anything.

I'll remember that.

 

[WALMART]

Two Words:

 

[Stansmith]

Two Words:

Exact image that comes to mind. A large chunk of body builders are ESFJ IMO

 

[Thalassa]

ESFJ men actually fit a socially "masculine" stereotype very well, in whatever culture they happen to live in, but they also are Fe doms so in my experience make doting boyfriends or husbands, or wonderful gay best friends who will do your hair for free but chastise you for defying gender roles (seriously, I have an ESFJ gay friend who is very careful not to gender bend, and he seems to think that despite homosexuality, people should play their gender role, that includes women, whom he doesn't even have a relationship with, he just believes in this for the traditional social order of it!)

My ESFJ ex is precisely the kind of man you guys are picturing here...Actually maybe someone more like Drake...he has hair and smiles a lot and doesn't shave his head or act like a bodybuilder...but he does lift weights, takes pride in having fighting skills, would carry my groceries for me, walked on the traffic side of the street, et al.

Secretly effeminate jock is good. I honestly think for this reason they can be seen as highly desirable by women for physically representing mainstream masculine gender roles but also being "sensitive."

 

[chickpea]

I can buy drake as an ESFJ. I have a big crush on him that I can't really explain. He's kinda funny looking and really corny but he's still sexy to me for some reason.

Plus I watched him on degrassi for years

 

[Siúil a Rúin]

I know one who is a coal miner, is quite adept at cooking, and who has some nature based collections. He can identify any bird or wildflower, also. He carves and is quite family oriented.

There is a wide variety of people within each type, but I've noticed the huge range within ESFJ, but we don't really get a good look at it in this environment.

 

[Cimarron]

Yup! One of my best buds is ESFJ, and he likes all the typical guy stuff, and likes to make sure he projects that image. He's a victim of the trying-too-hard, sometimes. He has a soft side that's concerned about your feelings, that mostly comes out when he knows he can trust you with his image.

Favorite pastimes: Beer, fixing cars, playing guitar, (failing to) pick up chicks at bars, telling crude jokes, etc.
*Not the "best" example of an ESFJ, but he's a good friend.

 

[Glycerine]

They typically fit gender roles pretty well. Some are incredibly paternal and others are more "I am a tough alpha male but cry on the inside" types. Lol ENFJ men seem much less like that. They can be charming as heck but still stick out like a sore thumb to me in terms of trying to emulate strict societal expectations.

 

[tinker683]

The same thing male ISFJs do...just with more style and class

 

[Julius_Van_Der_Beak]

I have this theory, that Feeling is actually more strongly differentiated into masculine and feminine than Thinking.

It definitely seems to be true for the SF's. The NF men do seem a little "softer", but I think they often have some kind of cockiness or rowdiness about them too. Think of John Lennon or Jim Morrison. They're like the "musician/artist" archetype a lot of women are drawn to. Perhaps not traditionally masculine, but there is something a little macho about it.

I do know that the most "masculine" and "feminine" people appear to be Fs. If you thinking about it, it makes sense, because taking anything other than boobs and the ability to throw babies out and thinking about that as "feminine" is somewhat arbitrary and difficult to suss out logically. I suppose Te can see those things as "facts" maybe, but they don't hold up when you observe enough individuals.

I have a friend who I think is an ISFJ ( we seem to have an alpha quadra at lunch going on of INTP ENTP and ISFJ), and he kind of comes off like a jock, but there's nothing intimidating about him once you actually know him.

 

[Cellmold]

Actually giving this thread some more thought, although I cannot speak for the majority of ESFJ men, I would say what I do is...nothing.

I exist, I wake up, I go to social gatherings, I talk...usually quite emptily, I engage in personal hobbies and routines and then I retire to bed. The next day I do the same and then the next....until they run into one another and I die....liked by many, but loved by none.

I made conversation fun and was a source of humour and well being they will say. I was an idiot say others who lacked a perceptive insight into any faculty of his or anyone else's existence, living entirely upon each emotional reaction like a puppet attached to electricity.

In any case, people will conclude that I lived and died and fortunately the fact they noticed would perhaps be the second greatest success of my life, the first being that no one would morn for too long, as it should be.

 

[EJCC]

The ESFJ-ExTP comparison works very well, IME. Similarly to how female ESTJs can come across like ExFPs when they're socialized to be a bit more traditionally feminine.

 

[Lady_X]

i like esfjs so much i've decided. i have an older esfj friend and her ne shit is hilarious. i mean...she's just such a funny character. i think they're just so cool and capable...they can just do anything really it seems.

annnyway...ben harper is an esfj i think...this is sort of what pops into my head when i think of them.

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[Edgar]

They're like really, really down-to-earth ENTPs with average joe appeal. Maybe even more ESTP if anything.

What? ESFJs are nothing like ENTPs or ESTPs. Those are completely different types.

ESFJ guy is usually a trendy dude who is obsessed about being liked and being part of the cool crew. Usually thinks status quo is totally sweet, unless he's pulling a "fashionable non conformist" thing. Generally very friendly and outgoing, until some line is crossed and it turns into a giant bitch fest. If ESFJ is not in it with the "cool kids", chances are, he's miserable as shit.

 

[violet_crown]

I'd come in here to say something more or less positive about ESFJ males.

Then I got a text from my ESFJ ex and that basically fell apart.

Best I can manage is that they're like more controlling versions of ESTJs.

 

[MetalMoon]

I think the unhealthy ones need to be avoided...or matured...

and the healthy ones need a hug and a shield from the bias of typology. Poor, well-meaning ESFJs.

 

[Haven]

I'm actually a software guy, I write code for a living. I travel a lot and the weather has been poor lately so I've been staying inside more.

I wouldn't say I'm entirely healthy. I'm controlling, yes, but not nearly as much as others because I'm also ambitious, and I don't like to waste my time.

I like talking to people about their ideas and getting different perspectives on the world. That doesn't pay the bills though, so I work and study a lot. Maybe I'll return from my isolation soon and venture into the world again.