[ISFJ] ISFJ characteristics. What sets you apart?

[Ayelless]

Hello, I'm relatively new to the forum but hoping you would all be kind enough to help me out. While I am new to the site, I've been into Myers-Briggs for quite a while. Between tests, research, and introspection, I know that I am either an ISFJ or an INFP. Which one suits me more, I'm not sure (I always test close to the S/N line as well as the J/P line, but I do know that I have some combination of Si-Ne/Ne-Si, which at least rules out ISFP and INFJ). At times I feel I am very ISFJ, and other times I feel I am very INFP. On most occasions I feel I am both simultaneously.

So I was hoping any ISFJs out there (or those who know them well) could help me out by posting key characteristics that set ISFJs apart from all other types. I'm looking for fresh, personal insight here, not just your run-of-the-mill mbti lists of traits. Things you see in yourself or others that immediately and uniquely tell you they are an ISFJ and not any other type.


I'll be posting a similar thread in the NF section of the forum as well. Thanks in advance for your help!

 

[Kayness]

now you just have to find out if your judging style fit FiTe or FeTi better.

 

[tinker683]

GAAAHH I wrote up this nice long list and it deleted everything!!!

Let's try this again...

1) I have a tendency of remembering a lot of shit, some of it kind of useless.

2) I greatly dislike conflict. I would rather adapt too, flow around, or outright avoid people I don't like than confront them. "Be as water" as the Tao Te Ching says and I like to be that way. That being said, I can confront someone if I need too but I greatly dislike doing so. Quickest way to discover that you've pissed me off is when I'm suddenly gone and vanished from your life.

3) I am very very sensitive. I try not to be, but I bruise easily and I remember slights. I think this is one of the chief things people dislike about ISFJs.

4) I have a hard time letting go of people or things that I love. It can take me months, if not years, to get over someone and up and until last Saturday I was carrying around a box that had my (long since busted) SNES and all of my games. It was a huge childhood momento and I just couldn't part without it.

5) Past experience heavily influences, if not outright dictates, my actions. I value consistency very heavily which is why actions are FAR more important to me than words.

If I think of anything else I'll drop them in

 

[Ayelless]

now you just have to find out if your judging style fit FiTe or FeTi better.

[MENTION=15967]Kayness[/MENTION]-- that's my problem. I feel like both my Fe and Fi are pretty high, but my Fe is probably higher. As far as Ti/Te go, I'm not sure. My boyfriend assures me that I "must be a P" (he is however, very J, so maybe it's hard for him to see a borderline J/P as a J). If "must be a P" though, and I know that I am Si/Ne and Fe, where does that leave me?

[MENTION=8485]tinker683[/MENTION]-- thank you for your input. All of that does sound very much like me.

 

[Kayness]

[MENTION=15967]Kayness[/MENTION]-- that's my problem. I feel like both my Fe and Fi are pretty high, but my Fe is probably higher. As far as Ti/Te go, I'm not sure. My boyfriend assures me that I "must be a P" (he is however, very J, so maybe it's hard for him to see a borderline J/P as a J). If "must be a P" though, and I know that I am Si/Ne and Fe, where does that leave me?

[MENTION=8485]tinker683[/MENTION]-- thank you for your input. All of that does sound very much like me.

if you Si Ne and Fe you can be xSFJ or xNTP. maybe ISFJ.

 

[Cellmold]

Nobody really knows what ISFJ characteristics are, since so few ever pay or care enough to pay attention to notice them in the first place.

This has less to do with ISFJ's possessing an uninteresting nature than it does with generalised assumptions of type.

 

[Ayelless]

Nobody really knows what ISFJ characteristics are, since so few ever pay or care enough to pay attention to notice them in the first place.

This has less to do with ISFJ's possessing an uninteresting nature than it does with generalised assumptions of type.

That's very interesting. It has seemed, through my research, that there is so much less "fun" stuff about ISFJs. Which might be part of the reason why I've been heading towards INFP.

 

[Ayelless]

Nobody really knows what ISFJ characteristics are, since so few ever pay or care enough to pay attention to notice them in the first place.

This has less to do with ISFJ's possessing an uninteresting nature than it does with generalised assumptions of type.

That's very interesting. It has seemed, through my research, that there is so much less "fun" stuff about ISFJs. Which might be part of the reason why I've been heading towards INFP.

 

[skylights]

Oh, pff, ISFJs are great.

Both ISFJ and INFP are generally conscientious, gentle, thoughtful, serene, a little anxious, imaginative, deeply compassionate, and non-confrontational. But ISFJs are first and foremost active protectors, and INFPs are first and foremost heady dreamers. ISFJs have outward-directed ethics, strongly characterized by responsibility/duty, and more of a quiet inward creativity - an ISFJ will do first and dream later. INFPs have more of an outward-directed creativity, and inward-directed ethical rumination, characterized by development of a very strong internal values base - the INFP will dream first and do later. INFPs are better in touch with their own personal emotions, while ISFJs have a better radar for the feelings of others. ISFJs also tend to be very good at creating aesthetic and comfortable spaces, while INFPs are more likely to be into theorizing and original art based on more universal ideals and principles. As a final pointer ISFJs tend to run a little early, and INFPs a little late!

 

[Hecuba]

I can be very prone to hatred, sadly.... I am absolutely wrathful in revenge as well. I tend to be extremely overprotective of friends, and jealous in some ways. But I am a friend for life. I never mean any harm to anyone, but I will fight tooth and nail for something I believe in. I generally can be distrustful of people I perceive to be a threat, and many times I have been hostile.

 

[highlander]

ISFJs have outward-directed ethics, strongly characterized by responsibility/duty, and more of a quiet inward creativity - an ISFJ will do first and dream later. INFPs have more of an outward-directed creativity, and inward-directed ethical rumination, characterized by development of a very strong internal values base - the INFP will dream first and do later. INFPs are better in touch with their own personal emotions, while ISFJs have a better radar for the feelings of others.

I agree with these things for the most part though ISFJs may be better at thinking they understand emotions of others because they are applying judgments related to that based on past experience. They are not however especially intuitive about the state of a person's emotions at a given moment based on their reactions.

ISFJs do things for other people. It's how they show they care. I think they are sensitive but they don't display those emotions much to others. They hold things in. ISFJ is the stereotypical mother whose life revolves around and does everything for her kids. INFPs are far more independent of others. They aren't as much doers. The INFP will spend a lot of time and thought with a gift for someone - it will be something special even if it is small. Maybe it will have some kind of meaning. The ISFJ will quickly make those buying decisions with the idea that "it's the thought that counts" and not think a great deal about what it is they are getting and how much the other person will like it.

So, the ISFJ is do, do, do. Do your best to make others happy. You should do things a certain way because that is how you do things or how people wish to be treated. They are wonderful to be around. They pay attention to you and are nice. They are judgmental about others relating towards a person's behavior and what aligns with the expected norms.

The INFP is much more of an individual. They are more moody and more likely to be loners than the ISFJ. They are much more abstract and complex thinkers and more of an idealistic and ivory tower type. They are quite judgmental about others but it relates towards imposing their personal values on what is right or wrong - it's less about specific behaviors and more holistic in the judgments that are applied (e.g., how a person lives their life, what their values are, views on problem in society).

 

[Zarathustra]

...while INFPs are more likely to be into theorizing and original art based on more universal ideals and principles.

The way you FPs tend to describe your ideals and principles as "universal" always bothers/boggles me...

Subjective ideals and principles is what they seem to be, and "subjective" seems pretty opposite of "universal"...

 

[skylights]

I agree with these things for the most part though ISFJs may be better at thinking they understand emotions of others because they are applying judgments related to that based on past experience. They are not however especially intuitive about the state of a person's emotions at a given moment based on their reactions.

Yes, I agree that the past experience can be an issue! If an SFJ hasn't experienced seeing a certain thing in a certain light before, they're generally less ready to be accepting of it than an NFP, who uses past experience much less frequently and in a much less important role. Though I do think that Fe types can pick up on internal emotional change in Fi types very quickly, even if they can't necessarily identify what, exactly, the emotion was and is becoming. In particular with SFJs who have been around you for a while and can sense "something is different".

The ISFJ will quickly make those buying decisions with the idea that "it's the thought that counts" and not think a great deal about what it is they are getting and how much the other person will like it.

I'm not sure I agree with this. The SFJs I know are generally very attentive to the nature of what they are giving and how the other person will receive it, but I have noticed that they tend to bring in more "socially appropriate" thinking, such as "this is a ____ type of event, so I should give ____ type of gift" sort of thing. NFPs are far more likely to pass over the outward meaning of the gift and focus on the inherent enjoyment, and I think NFPs are also more likely to go out on a limb with gifts, whereas SFJs are more likely to stick with what they experientially know will be good. So SFJs are more likely to adhere to a standard "form" of gift-giving, I think. But as far as I have observed, they are very conscientious about their gestures towards others as a whole, gift-giving included.

The way you FPs tend to describe your ideals and principles as "universal" always bothers/boggles me...

Subjective ideals and principles is what they seem to be, and "subjective" seems pretty opposite of "universal"...

Hm. Vague wording on my part. What I was going for there was "theoretical/abstract/holistic". "Universal" in the sense of pertaining to the universe as the greatest whole. Not really universal an in objective. With NFPs you get more attempting to expand to the greatest whole possible; with SFJs you get more of an interest in the specifics.

 

[highlander]

Yes, I agree that the past experience can be an issue! If an SFJ hasn't experienced seeing a certain thing in a certain light before, they're generally less ready to be accepting of it than an NFP, who uses past experience much less frequently and in a much less important role. Though I do think that Fe types can pick up on internal emotional change in Fi types very quickly, even if they can't necessarily identify what, exactly, the emotion was and is becoming. In particular with SFJs who have been around you for a while and can sense "something is different".

ENFPs as an example seem far more perceptive IMO of people's internal states of feeling though it seems to elude them with certain types, like INFJs.

I'm not sure I agree with this. The SFJs I know are generally very attentive to the nature of what they are giving and how the other person will receive it, but I have noticed that they tend to bring in more "socially appropriate" thinking, such as "this is a ____ type of event, so I should give ____ type of gift" sort of thing. NFPs are far more likely to pass over the outward meaning of the gift and focus on the inherent enjoyment, and I think NFPs are also more likely to go out on a limb with gifts, whereas SFJs are more likely to stick with what they experientially know will be good. So SFJs are more likely to adhere to a standard "form" of gift-giving, I think. But as far as I have observed, they are very conscientious about their gestures towards others as a whole, gift-giving included.

Generally, I agree with the ISFJ being very conscientious about the gestures to others - including gift giving - even to the point of being excessively generous as far as financial expenditure goes. However, if you don't focus on the person's inherent enjoyment of what is bought, which may have absolutely nothing to do with what is a socially accepted norm, then naturally that leads to them being generous with gifts but giving a lot of things that people don't want or like. The way around this is to give them a list. However, the items on the list that are "inappropriate" are meted out. It's a trivial thing I suppose. Just don't expect them to guess what you want. An INFP is much better at doing this. They can connect the dots.

Maybe Fi types understand Fi types better and Fe types understand Fe types better.

 

[Zarathustra]

Maybe Fi types understand Fi types better and Fe types understand Fe types better.

This is what I was wondering...

Cuz I do agree with pretty much everything you've been saying.

Then again, they say the (N?)FPs are loaded with mirror neurons, so it might go beyond that.

You've expressed many times that ISFJs don't seem to get your internal emotional workings.

I can say that the ESFJs I've been around also don't seem to get that stuff.

Like you say, they make assumptions, but they're often false.

The FPs seem to have a far better read on me.

 

[mintleaf]

I can see why you're having difficulty choosing between the two; SJs and NFs might seem very different, but there's really a lot of common ground here. For the most part, ISFJs and I get along beautifully.

The only major contention I've had with ISFJ friends is their tendency to act much differently than they feel. They'll treat everyone with impeccable politeness and create the impression that they think well of all of their "friends," but for many ISFJs I've known, there's been a serious disparity between how they treat people and how they actually feel about them. I can't stand this. Of course everyone deserves a reasonable level of civility and openness, but not to the extent that others are led to believe that you value them significantly more than you actually do. One of my ISFJ friends has multiple "best friends" whom she regularly complains about. It's an Fe>Fi thing. The less mature an ISFJ is, they're be more concerned about preserving the immediate social atmosphere than acting out what they personally believe. Being social-first and NiFe in socionics, I greatly respect the first value, but Fi always trumps it.

(...I'm an INFP e9, and in comparison to every ISFJ I've ever known, I look confrontational, if less easily fazed.)

As for our other differences, I'm pretty much just echoing what previous posts have said. ISFJs can be incredibly perceptive in regards to social dynamics; I've never met one who had difficulty processing and responding to that kind of information, even if they didn't feel confident in these abilities. Less likely to say something inappropriate than INFPs. Also less likely to actually enjoy school and the in-class learning experience. More hands-on.

Yes, I agree that the past experience can be an issue! If an SFJ hasn't experienced seeing a certain thing in a certain light before, they're generally less ready to be accepting of it than an NFP, who uses past experience much less frequently and in a much less important role. Though I do think that Fe types can pick up on internal emotional change in Fi types very quickly, even if they can't necessarily identify what, exactly, the emotion was and is becoming. In particular with SFJs who have been around you for a while and can sense "something is different".

This has definitely been my experience.

 

[highlander]

You've expressed many times that ISFJs don't seem to get your internal emotional workings.

It's more than that though. ISFJs don't get INFPs very well at all. I think the INFPs get the ISFJs reasonably well however. They seem as completely different as types can be with respect to their internal workings.

 

[skylights]

However, if you don't focus on the person's inherent enjoyment of what is bought, which may have absolutely nothing to do with what is a socially accepted norm, then naturally that leads to them being generous with gifts but giving a lot of things that people don't want or like. The way around this is to give them a list. However, the items on the list that are "inappropriate" are meted out. It's a trivial thing I suppose. Just don't expect them to guess what you want.

Maybe SFJs have an easier time reading FPs than TJs? The SFJs I know have generally done a really good job with presents for me - but the more information they're provided with, the better, definitely. I don't think I've observed much of SFJs in my life giving unwanted/unlike presents, but that's just my experience. Perhaps it's different in others' lives. I think Ns are actually more prone to give the other person something that they personally like because they see the "potential" of that other person with the gift, if that makes sense.

You've expressed many times that ISFJs don't seem to get your internal emotional workings.

I can say that the ESFJs I've been around also don't seem to get that stuff.

Like you say, they make assumptions, but they're often false.

The FPs seem to have a far better read on me.

I suspect the bold is your answer... my ISFJ and I were talking about it in the car the other day. He's very good at reading external messages. Feelings people send out to influence their environment. He knows when I'm upset and hoping for his attention. He can pick up and head off people that are starting to express anger. He can take a negative external mood and rapidly shift it to positive. But he's not very good at explaining his own internal feelings, nor is he as easily able to interact with people who are mired in their own personal emotion. FJs deal with interpersonal feelings, feelings externalized. FPs deal with internal. You being TeFi, you probably don't do much externalization of feeling, so FJs probably don't have much to go on with you.

 

[highlander]

He's very good at reading external messages. Feelings people send out to influence their environment. He knows when I'm upset and hoping for his attention. He can pick up and head off people that are starting to express anger. He can take a negative external mood and rapidly shift it to positive. But he's not very good at explaining his own internal feelings, nor is he as easily able to interact with people who are mired in their own personal emotion. FJs deal with interpersonal feelings, feelings externalized. FPs deal with internal.

I think that captures things really well. So if an INFP or INTJ doesn't express their inner states or emotions then the ISFJ can't pick up on how they are feeling. ENFPs don't have that problem. They can't help but tell you what they're feeling.

 

[Giggly]

I really don't feel like I make any personal decisions based on social norms, unless it involves breaking the law. People may see me as "common" but that is because whatever "common" values I have is because I feel that those are the values that are most suitable for me personally.

And anyone who knows me well will tell you that I am one of the most expressive people they know. I'm just very picky with whom I do that with. It takes a level of comfort, trust and closeness and sometimes I need to be given enough time put my feelings into words.