In my experience, women prefer men who are more laid back and messy and risky and "masculine" if you will in the sense that they are more care-free and don't care as much. In today's culture, it is almost feminine to be neat and tidy and old-fashioned to dress well. And yet you say those qualities are attractive? I would never consider becoming less of who I am (neat, tidy, enjoy dressing well/suits), but I have to wonder who exactly I'm inadvertently catering too? (as in, how many feel the same why you do and what kind of person?)
I guess you're mostly seeing an STP/SFJ dichotomy that is male/female in the American media then?
Yeah, I like for men to be clean. Some of my bfs have been more organized than me. There's something awesome about a man who vacuums, washes the sheets, and it's a real plus of he's one of those that smell like Macy's. Yeah, I know all SJs aren't athletic or prone to wearing sexy cologne, but it's a specific manifestation of a general attitude toward health and grooming that can come along with Si/Je.
An ISTJ can give a very "cold" appearance that's still masculine and "not caring as much" that makes him seem stronger; he's just strong in a different way. He cares very much about risks, but won't let your emo affect him on his way to achieve his goals.
Of course, men "not caring" really shouldn't be normative, either. After the initial chase and courtship, I actually prefer an attentive and reliable man who shows he cares in concrete way that manifest in providing in some way for my well-being.
I've noticed even with the SFJs I've dated, they manage to be more comfortable with their feelings without overdoing it, like they still have a pretty firm sense of cultural masculinity, though they may be more companionable and/or emotionally expressive then some men. I eat it up with a spoon.
What kind of person? Well I'm sure an ESFJ could just as easily marry an ISTJ as an ESFP or ENFP or ISFP, so it depends on the individual. Each combo comes with its own challenges and rewards.
