[ISTJ] I need a quick ISTJ comeback line - HELP!

[PeaceBaby]

My sister in law can drive me crazy (so can my father, but that's another topic.) Both however, are ISTJ's and both do the same thing: whatever's up with you, they've had it harder, or done it better, or seen it / had that idea before, or they tried to tell you XYZ years ago etc.

"YOU THINK YOU'VE GOT IT TOUGH? I'VE HAD IT TOUGHER!"

Here's an example of what I mean. Our dog is dying of cancer and my daughter is flying across the Atlantic as I type this, so I've been up texting with her answering flight terminal questions at 4:30 am and the dog needing out at 5:45 am:

Me (in the middle of answering how things are going): I am so tired today, 3 nights in a row of 6 hours sleep!
Her: 6 hours of sleep !?!? That’s my usual, if I’m lucky.

Now, as more data here, I had surgery (a good many years ago now) on my thyroid and since then, less sleep is a challenge for me. But I don't talk about it or whine about it to ANYONE, except for my husband. I really do need more sleep. Mornings are difficult. I wouldn't have even mentioned today to her if it wasn't in the conversation.

So, how do I respond to the above? Mostly I ignore it, because frankly, it's not worth the bother of trying to explain it because all it comes across as is some kind of excuse. And I try NOT to let it bother me, but sometimes, the lack of what I consider an appropriate social response is hurtful and annoying.

I NEED THE BEST COMEBACK LINES HERE PEOPLE! HELP ME!

 

[Thalassa]

Okay well I've noticed that a lot of SJs (maybe not-so-healthy or insecure SJs) will try to "best" you with what martyrs they are in terms of work, sleep (or lack there-of) and in some cases you see that they're doing it to themselves...pointlessly. Like they've internally done things to create an external world that they have totally imposed upon themselves where they don't sleep enough or they do too much.

Bearing that in mind, you can say something along the lines of informing her that people who actually get a full night's sleep live longer. So say something like "well that's fine for you, but I actually want to live to see grandchildren" or something.

Say something that isn't openly nasty but is more subtle and biting, I think that's more on the ISTJ level and shuts them up. If you start screaming or crying, they may just snicker.

 

[Thalassa]

Oh I also read this thing in high school from the Greco-Roman times where it was said that intellectuals need more sleep than average people, and the number given being about 9 hours. You could also allude to that.

 

[Giggly]

"I can feel your compassion" (with a heavy sarcastic tone)

Invite the battle.

 

[Thalassa]

"I can feel your compassion" (with a heavy sarcastic tone)

Invite the battle.

Some ISTJs will reply to that with a cheerful, sarcastic "Yes, I know right? Now if you'll excuse me, I have things to do."

 

[Giggly]

Some ISTJs will reply to that with a cheerful, sarcastic "Yes, I know right? Now if you'll excuse me, I have things to do."

Then I'd say "I hope they keep you so busy that you don't call me back"

 

[Thalassa]

Then I'd say "I hope they keep you so busy that you don't call me back"

 

[Giggly]

If this were a real family member or someone I cared about I probably wouldn't be that brave. I'd probably just avoid talking to her.

 

[CzeCze]

"I can feel your compassion" (with a heavy sarcastic tone)

Invite the battle.

Haha! Giggly, sometimes you surprise me.

Fight those ISXJ stereotypes!

 

[CzeCze]

[MENTION=5999]PeaceBaby[/MENTION] just tell her what you told us and widen the scope to not make them the focus.

"I know MOST adults in America say they get 6 or less a night. But with my reduced thyroid I need more."

 

[Winds of Thor]

Her: 6 hours of sleep !?!? That’s my usual, if I’m lucky.

So, how do I respond to the above? Mostly I ignore it, because frankly, it's not worth the bother of trying to explain it because all it comes across as is some kind of excuse. And I try NOT to let it bother me, but sometimes, the lack of what I consider an appropriate social response is hurtful and annoying.

I NEED THE BEST COMEBACK LINES HERE PEOPLE! HELP ME!

Could say:
"Well then, you're lucky and sounds like you don't need that many. Haha. Be sure and let the dog out when you get here. I'll be leaving the key with the neighbors. See you after getting up!"

(Taking advantage of the assumption and reverse the relative understanding of what 'lucky' means.)

If I decided to say something like this, I'd be sure I did it jokingly with fun intended. Not trying to be mean.

 

[PeaceBaby]

Some great thoughts all, and really thanks for letting me vent. I am tired so my filter is slightly reduced too, making smaller things annoy me and needing to get it off my chest! This has been a crazy day, my daughter's flight from NY ended up cancelled due to weather and she's still not at the hotel I booked for her. My poor baby. She's exhausted and super-stressed out.

Seriously, I was so ticked off this morning - my sis-in-law's on holidays next week, and I had invited her to come visit if she wanted to get a break since she's had a lot to deal with the last year and a half. Here I am, trying to be super-nice, and what, the convo is about who's getting better sleep?

Anyways, still, if anyone has suggestions on how to deal with it in the moment, I would love to hear more. Something about her response shuts my empathy-o-meter off and flares my irritation, and I would love to be able to diffuse it more effectively.

ISTJ's, please help too, I really need to hear what's in your head when you say something like that, and what you need me to say back.

 

[sprinkles]

I'd probably go for audacious parody that reflects the comparison and simultaneously says that I don't give a crap about comparing. Something like:

Well I have to sleep uphill both ways in the snow with my eyes open and fighting off hordes of butt monsters that smell like butt! How many stinky butt monsters do you fight every night? HMMMM? Yeah I thought so!

 

[Poki]

Say "good, you can help me then. I need xyz...123...blah, blah, blah...thanks" and walk off

It will either shut them up or help you get stuff done.

If they make an excuse..say "I thought you were good?"

 

[The Iron Giant]

I'm sorry about your dog.

Comebacks aside, that's a stunningly invalidating response you received from your sister-in-law. She totally missed the point of your reaching out to her with a text. That hurts. My ex-wife's mother was kind of like that, and it pissed me off. Anything I or my ex-wife said, she would have to outdo or deride. Not an ISTJ though, I think she might be ENFP.

If you want a response that will give your sister-in-law the opportunity to learn something, I would suggest something like, "That was dismissive and very insensitive of you. I'll be sure not to share in the future." Sarcastic responses will probably just invite more one-upsmanship, and ignoring it is as good as encouragement. This response ideally pulls the plug on the competition immediately and tells them why, and you don't need to respond further to clarify what she's done that hurt your feelings and why you're not speaking to her. I'll hope you get an apology, but I won't hold my breath.

 

[Ghost of the dead horse]

People see through comeback-lines and aren't moved by them

 

[rawr_sheila]

Seriously, I was so ticked off this morning - my sis-in-law's on holidays next week, and I had invited her to come visit if she wanted to get a break since she's had a lot to deal with the last year and a half. Here I am, trying to be super-nice, and what, the convo is about who's getting better sleep?

Anyways, still, if anyone has suggestions on how to deal with it in the moment, I would love to hear more. Something about her response shuts my empathy-o-meter off and flares my irritation, and I would love to be able to diffuse it more effectively.

ISTJ's, please help too, I really need to hear what's in your head when you say something like that, and what you need me to say back.

ISTJs need to vent out their frustrations. The thing is that we are not in tune with our feelings. Sometimes we don't realize how stressed we are until the cap almost pops out of the bottle. What would make things better between you two would be her letting out her stress daily, before seeing you. If she learns to do this properly, she would be a much happier and enjoyable person to be around.


If you want an ISTJ to shut up, you've got to prove him/her wrong. Now I know INFPs are able to think logically and fast with that quick wit. I don't have any specific examples, but just a few ways you can respond to what they're saying.....

"Great! You'd be the perfect candidate for this job!" (sarcastic tone; can be used to hand a responsibility from your side to them when you complain about something)
"If you're so good at it, why don't you go do it??" (say it in a cheerful way to avoid conflict)
"Good for you." (nodd your head and just say yeah, yeah. this shuts them up faster.)

 

[FireShield98]

If you want an ISTJ to shut up, you've got to prove him/her wrong.

In my experience, it's easy to prove an ISTJ wrong, but convincing them that they were wrong is impossible.

 

[The Iron Giant]

In my experience, it's easy to prove an ISTJ wrong, but convincing them that they were wrong is impossible.

Jung would agree! And I do, too. The most distinctive clear feature of the introverted sensation type, according to Jung, is that detachment from the object. I call it a kind of blindness to truth. While the Si dom may perceive the object and deduce the truth, they are doing it through an extremely coarse filter of experiences that are based around how similar objects have struck them in the past. This builds an air of confidence around our perceptions, but in actuality we're seeing less of the object as a result.

In practice, this is really only super pronounced in unhealthy behavior, just as irrational random catastrophizing is for Ni-doms. For many ISTJs, it's a matter of irrefutably proving they're wrong, provided you have demonstrated authority in the subject matter, or authority in the ISTJ's life (a great deal of trust and respect). In my experience, they take well to this too. There's a kind of sheepish "oh crap I really was wrong" response, followed by a changed perspective that is carried forward in a new perception. I know I love being wrong, because I get less wrong after every time.

 

[Cimarron]

I don't know...I don't like admitting that I'm wrong, especially the deeper I've entrenched my opinion/belief in something. I can push away, for sure. But given time, I may be grateful for the change.