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  1. #11
    just a vessel EJCC's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    173 so/sx


    Quote Originally Posted by sparkleyESFP View Post
    No no it doesn't seem joking or even contrived. It seems like he quite literally really enjoys it when I give him very clear verbal expectations for something he can do for me. Like it energizes him somehow.
    I'll bet it does energize him! Nothing boosts an STJ's mood like being given a sense of purpose, and a guaranteed way to make someone happy, that you care about. I know that in my case, if I'm really concerned about someone and ask if there's anything I can do for them, I love it when they say yes.
    Yes that helped - thank you! On the opening up, is that something you would start to do more of if your partner showed you consistently that their feelings were mutual? Or would you stay pretty guarded no matter how close you felt to them and how boldly they had conveyed their sentiments?
    I would gradually start getting more comfortable with it, on most issues. Probably 90% of them. But obviously there are always some insecurities that are too deep to talk to anyone about, that an STJ might only share with their partner after years and years of being together-- even if their partner tells them their deepest secrets early on.
    Quote Originally Posted by Cimarron View Post
    Negative emotional talk, on the other hand, I try to always take seriously and fully listen, and if it gets to be too much, I may run out of words and just try to give some physical affection.
    I do this too. Often a long hug will suffice when words fail. And that long hug will give me at least a few more seconds to collect my thoughts and try to say something.
    EJCC: "The Big Questions in my life right now: 1) What am I willing to live with? 2) What do I have to live with? 3) What can I change for the better?"
    Coriolis: "Is that the ESTJ Serenity Prayer?"

    ESTJ - LSE - ESTj (mbti/socionics)
    1w2/7w8/3w4 so/sx (enneagram)
    member of the month (May 2018)
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  2. #12
    Senior Member Winds of Thor's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    3w4 sx/so


    Quote Originally Posted by sparkleyESFP View Post
    So you mean the humor could be like setting a boundary?
    If their comment is kindly sarcastic with a smile for instance, my understanding could be that, all said at once, the sarcasm is the boundary, and the kindly way in which the comment is said is their appreciation. JUST theory, though. Can't really in detail, know your relationship.
    "..And the eight and final rule: If this is your first time at Fight Club, you have to fight."
    'Men are meant to be with women. The rest is perversion and mental illness.'

  3. #13
    IRL is not real Cimarron's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    5w6 sp/so


    Quote Originally Posted by sparkleyESFP View Post
    If I may ask, what did you try, and how did it work out?
    (Not just once) I don't remember specifically, but the "A lot of times I subconsciously do this when I really like someone" when I know I'll be caught in a situation where that happens later. Revealing a "tell," like in poker. But it's subtle and I don't think the other person tends to notice.
    I admire the effort - I think it was probably hard for him to do that. It happened a few days after I told him how much I like him...
    Always love it when my effort is appreciated--especially when it's at the risk of being emotionally vulnerable. Or as we say in IxTx land, "I feel stupid... "
    You guys are like the golden ticket of relationships!
    Let's hope that's true; it would be great news!
    You can't spell "justice" without ISTJ.

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