[SJ] Would an xSFJ girl be likely to go out with a guy who...

[highlander]

Well, I think height does matter sometimes for taller girls. Ask her what she likes.

 

[Thalassa]

Some women will date men they aren't attracted to just for a fun date, companionship, and in some cases for a traditional "arrangement" of having a caring husband who wants to be a father and a stable provider.

In the first two cases, the girl may not see the guy as relationship material, she wouldn't have sex with him, but she sees nothing wrong with two people enjoying each others company by dancing or attending an event together. Hey, why not. She may even think that she might become more attracted to him if she gets to know him.

In the third case, these type of women tend to either be desperate, or genuinely don't care much about sex and actively seek out a marriageable man for reasons other than physical attraction, viewing sex as a "duty."

I think it's possible that a certain type of xSFJ might be this third sort of woman who seeks a marriage partner for more practical rather than romantic reasons, depending on which culture she is from, and of course her biological sex drive.

I think varying types of women can fall into the first two categories, though, dating just for fun, or to see if an attraction grows with time.

 

[Giggly]

Well, I think height does matter sometimes for taller girls. Ask her what she likes.

Noooo don't ask her that. Just go for it.

 

[highlander]

Noooo don't ask her that. Just go for it.

Yes well it's pretty hard to tell if they are interested anyway so this is good advice. I was persistent and wore mine down . Not stupidly persistent though. She always knew I had other options. Anyway, it worked. Then later, I heard I wasn't as tall as she preferred. Tough cookies!

 

[SuccessfulSeductress]

You can't think like that. It's unfair to her (and you) to put thoughts/feelings/motivations in her mind for her. And it doesn't matter anyway....if she likes you, she likes you. Just enjoy it and don't worry.

This is a girl who barely noticed me before she found out I liked her. Then she finds out that I like her and suddenly starts acting like she likes me, too. Rather odd that someone suddenly likes someone else for no reason. I have a right to wonder if a girl cares about me or not when I have reason to doubt. It would be unfair to ME if I just let myself think she actually likes me when it seems quite possible she doesn't.

I don't think there's anything wrong with going out with someone you're not attracted to, so long as you're not planning on using them or being mean to them. So I'm not going to blame her if it ends up being the case that she isn't attracted to me. She seems like a good, genuine, decent person, so I don't think she has any malicious intent here. And I'll still definitely go out with her even if I don't think she's attracted to me in the hope that she starts likng me for who I am later.

I still want to know, though. I want to know if she likes me. I can't find out for sure until I see her again, but, with other people's help, I can at least find out whether or not if it's LIKELY she does.

Well, I think height does matter sometimes for taller girls. Ask her what she likes.

She's already made it clear that the height difference isn't a problem, so why would I? In fact, that's another thing. She's willing to go out with me even though I'm much shorter than her. I wonder if that makes it more likely she likes me if she still wants to go out with me despite the height thing.

Some women will date men they aren't attracted to just for a fun date, companionship, and in some cases for a traditional "arrangement" of having a caring husband who wants to be a father and a stable provider.

How much interest would the girl show in the guy if she's going out with him for the first two reasons? Would she be like "What the hell, might as well just go out with him" or would she be more like "Omg, it's our first date!"? I doubt the third reason is a factor here, because we're both college students. I don't think she's thinking about marriage at this point.

Also, no one's responded to those numerical points I listed about her and the way she's been acting around me in that other post. I hope someone has something to say about that.

 

[highlander]

In the third case, these type of women tend to either be desperate, or genuinely don't care much about sex and actively seek out a marriageable man for reasons other than physical attraction, viewing sex as a "duty."

I think it's possible that a certain type of xSFJ might be this third sort of woman who seeks a marriage partner for more practical rather than romantic reasons, depending on which culture she is from, and of course her biological sex drive.

I think varying types of women can fall into the first two categories, though, dating just for fun, or to see if an attraction grows with time.

I do not disagree with you that certain people can do this. However, lets be careful not to portray a distorted view of what xfjs are like. I am sure any other types are equally capable of the same behavior.

 

[Giggly]

This is a girl who barely noticed me before she found out I liked her. Then she finds out that I like her and suddenly starts acting like she likes me, too. Rather odd that someone suddenly likes someone else for no reason. I have a right to wonder if a girl cares about me or not when I have reason to doubt. It would be unfair to ME if I just let myself think she actually likes me when it seems quite possible she doesn't.

I don't think there's anything wrong with going out with someone you're not attracted to, so long as you're not planning on using them or being mean to them. So I'm not going to blame her if it ends up being the case that she isn't attracted to me. She seems like a good, genuine, decent person, so I don't think she has any malicious intent here. And I'll still definitely go out with her even if I don't think she's attracted to me in the hope that she starts loving me for who I am later.

I still want to know, though. I want to know if she likes me. I can't find out for sure until I see her again, but, with other people's help, I can at least find out whether or not if it's LIKELY she does.

You said it, she may not have noticed you before. Reciprocity is a factor in attraction. This is a fancy way of simply saying that we are more likely to be attracted to someone who likes us and shows it than someone who obviously dislikes us.

But again, we can't read her mind and even you've hardly interacted with her.

Do you want to be talked out of it?

 

[SuccessfulSeductress]

You said it, she may not have noticed you before. Reciprocity is a factor in attraction. This is a fancy way of simply saying that we are more likely to be attracted to someone who likes us and shows it than someone who obviously dislikes us.

But again, we can't read her mind and even you've hardly interacted with her.

Do you want to be talked out of it?

Do I want to be talked about it? No. As I've clearly said, I fully intend to go out with her, regardless of what I believe she feels about me. So no, I'm not looking for anyone to talk me out of going out with her.

Can you read her mind? No. Instead, you can do what people normally do. Read her actions. The ones I've detailed thus far in this thread.

And I did consider that maybe she likes me simply because I like her. In fact, that was my only hope. It was the only justification I had for her liking me. With very few guys having probably showed attraction to her in the past, maybe the fact that I'm just about the only one who's done so thus far had a bigger effect on her than it would've had if this was a girl who constantly has boys deliberately showing interest in her.

 

[Giggly]

Do I want to be talked about it? No. As I've clearly said, I fully intend to go out with her, regardless of what I believe she feels about me. So no, I'm not looking for anyone to talk me out of going out with her.

Can you read her mind? No. Instead, you can do what people normally do. Read her actions. The ones I've detailed thus far in this thread.

And I did consider that maybe she likes me simply because I like her. In fact, that was my only hope. It was the only justification I had for her liking me. With very few guys having probably showed attraction to her in the past, maybe the fact that I'm just about the only one who's done so thus far had a bigger effect on her than it would've had if this was a girl who constantly has boys deliberately showing interest in her.

Girls don't go out with guys out of pity.

 

[FDG]

She probably doesn't have a mad crush on you, but likely finds you interesting and attractive enough to go on a date. I'd say ISFJs don't seem to think too much during these initial stages.

 

[Mad Hatter]

[MENTION=15782]SuccessfulSeductress[/MENTION]: What would you say is the worst thing that could happen to you? I don't exactly see the problem here since everything you posted points in a positive direction.

 

[SuccessfulSeductress]

[MENTION=8444]Mad Hatter[/MENTION] : I'm not expecting anything bad to happen to me, actually.

Another thing I should say about this ISFJ (or ESFJ). On one occasion, she came into class with a plan to try and attract my attention so I would talk to her. I won't go into the specifics of what she did, but the point is that she was willing to do one or two things that were intended to make it easier for me to make the next move.

Can someone who knows ISFJ's well tell me if this is a good sign of her possibly liking me? Might seem obvious, but I'm still paranoid and feel like it would've been possible for her to do all this without liking me.

 

[Cimarron]

It might help to ask tall women in general, too.

4. After she found out I liked her, she was more open and friendly coming to class on days she expected to see me. She was in a friendlier, better mood those days. Before that, she was quite reserved, never really talked to anyone (this is a 200 person class, so people don't talk that much in general), but she suddenly became more open and nicer in general after finding out about me.

There's been a few other things that've happened that've made it clear that she's quite interested and really wants to go out with me. What I'm sure about is that she has a high level of interest directed towards me. I was quite surprised at how interested she was, actually. What I'm not sure about is if she's interested in me as a person, or if she's just interested in me as an opportunity for a boyfriend. That's what I need help finding out.

It sounds as though you and everyone else has concluded that she likes you, so I think that mystery's closed. The Main Question you're asking here, as [MENTION=4398]Giggly[/MENTION] said, is something with an answer lying in her own subconscious, most likely. She probably doesn't even know the answer to it, herself, not without some searching or coming to terms with more surface-level notions and feelings. And although it might be nice for everyone to be more self-aware of their own subconscious motivations for social interactions, I think it is a lot to ask and expect people to conduct themselves that way. Sorry.

 

[SuccessfulSeductress]

It sounds as though you and everyone else has concluded that she likes you, so I think that mystery's closed.

Are you sure? As I said, "I'm not sure if she's interested in me as a person, or if she's just interested in me as an opportunity for a boyfriend." I don't think being interested in me as an opportunity as a boyfriend counts as liking me. It just means that she wants a boyfriend, found a guy that likes her (me), said "What the hell, I guess he'll do," and decided to pursue it with me even though she doesn't find me all that attractive.

So, I can't say at this moment that I've concluded that she likes me.

Then again, being as antisocial as I am, I know pretty much nothing about girls (and guys, too, come to think of it, besides myself, who I don't know much about, either). I just can't believe a girl who barely noticed me before would suddenly start liking me enough to start showing even more interest in going out than I do. There has to be some other reason she wants a relationship this badly. Honestly, does anyone here believe an ISFJ girl would suddenly go almost crazy about a guy in a matter of days just because he likes her?

 

[skylights]

"I'm not sure if she's interested in me as a person, or if she's just interested in me as an opportunity for a boyfriend." I don't think being interested in me as an opportunity as a boyfriend counts as liking me. It just means that she wants a boyfriend, found a guy that likes her (me), said "What the hell, I guess he'll do," and decided to pursue it with me even though she doesn't find me all that attractive.

So, I can't say at this moment that I've concluded that she likes me.

Then again, being as antisocial as I am, I know pretty much nothing about girls (and guys, too, come to think of it, besides myself, who I don't know much about, either). I just can't believe a girl who barely noticed me before would suddenly start liking me enough to start showing even more interest in going out than I do. There has to be some other reason she wants a relationship this badly. Honestly, does anyone here believe an ISFJ girl would suddenly go almost crazy about a guy in a matter of days just because he likes her?

Please do not take my response offensively, because my SJ boyfriend tells me I make things more complicated than they have to be all the time. But, I think you're making this more complicated than it needs to be. She, for whatever reason, appears interested in a relationship with you, and you appear interested in a relationship with her. Is there really much point in ruminating over this online? Might as well put the mental energy into pursuing the relationship. It will become clear after a date or two whether she is really interested in you or not, and at that point you can take stock again and see if you want to continue.

Then she finds out that I like her and suddenly starts acting like she likes me, too. Rather odd that someone suddenly likes someone else for no reason. I have a right to wonder if a girl cares about me or not when I have reason to doubt.

Not really, attention itself can be attractive. If you're in a class of 200 and never really interacted, she'd never have any reason to attend to you in particular. But if you pour a little sunshine on her, and you're reasonably attractive yourself, it's not all that odd for her to take a shining to you, too. I like a little friendly male attention, and not much harm in returning it.

 

[Lady_X]

maybe she thinks you like her because you think she'll be easier because no one else is offering...maybe she's writing a thread right now on some other forum asking the same thing about you!!

and...what is up with your name?

 

[The Great One]

Would an xSFJ girl be likely to go out with a guy she isn't attracted to? BEFORE YOU ANSWER, I need you to read on. Because I'm not talking about all about xSFJ girls. I'm talking about a particular kind of one. Also, I know everyone's different. That's why I'm asking for someone to generalize for me.

Most girls get at least some attention from guys. A very small number, for whatever reason, get very little to no attention. They barely get asked out and can't get any dates. If we're talking about one of these girls who barely gets asked out and also happens to be an xSFJ, would she be willing to go out with a guy she isn't attracted to?

The reason I asked is because there's this girl I've come in contact with who I'm pretty sure is either an ESFJ or ISFJ (my guess is the latter). She's really tall. In the 6 foot 3 to 6 foot 6 range. I heard that college girls that height barely get any attention from guys at all and almost never get asked out. She agreed to go out with me, and I'm 5 foot 9, at least 6 inches shorter than her. However, I'm having a hard time believing she actually likes me. Maybe she just wants a boyfriend and would've said yes to ANY guy who had asked her out, and she doesn't have any particular attraction to me. It'll be a while before I see her again. When I do, I'll ask her and find out whether she does or doesn't like me. Until, then, though, I need some advice. Based on what I've said, is it likely she's actually attracted to me? I like her a lot and will go out with her regardless of whether she likes me or not. But I'm still curious.

Just go for it. I once slept with a woman who was 6'4. When we both stood up, my head would be at about the same level as her breasts. When we had sex, she was so much taller that when I fondled her breasts, it made me feel like Mike Tyson hitting a speed bag. Oh but my advice is to ask her out ASAP before she slaps your ass in the friend zone. It's very hard to get out the friend zone. Believe me I have been there, and it's not a place you want to go.

 

[Haven]

Are you sure? As I said, "I'm not sure if she's interested in me as a person, or if she's just interested in me as an opportunity for a boyfriend." I don't think being interested in me as an opportunity as a boyfriend counts as liking me. It just means that she wants a boyfriend, found a guy that likes her (me), said "What the hell, I guess he'll do," and decided to pursue it with me even though she doesn't find me all that attractive.

So, I can't say at this moment that I've concluded that she likes me.

Then again, being as antisocial as I am, I know pretty much nothing about girls (and guys, too, come to think of it, besides myself, who I don't know much about, either). I just can't believe a girl who barely noticed me before would suddenly start liking me enough to start showing even more interest in going out than I do. There has to be some other reason she wants a relationship this badly. Honestly, does anyone here believe an ISFJ girl would suddenly go almost crazy about a guy in a matter of days just because he likes her?

I'm a guy, but I do the same thing in bold... for girls. Practically every girl I've gone out with has shown the initiative. I have NEVER been successful in pursuing ANY girl. What's interesting is that I always hear about how good looking I am, and how much action I should be getting. It never seems to work in my favor though. I go through thinking that girls just think I'm cute, but generally aren't interested in me. So when someone likes me, it's like flipping a switch between not acting interested because I'll probably get shut down, to omg this person actually likes me, and they don't just think I'm cute.

Maybe she's used to guys bailing on her after a while and thinks that you're going to stick around. Also, maybe she did notice you, but didn't think you'd notice her. Also, maybe she doesn't need you to be overly attractive because she doesn't want to compete in that area. If she didn't like you, it would show. She seems to like you enough to be nice to you. That's not to say it wont end horribly, but yes she probably likes you, and it's probably not because of the way you look, but by how you make her feel.

 

[Giggly]

Practically every girl I've gone out with has shown the initiative. I have NEVER been successful in pursuing ANY girl.

Me neither, with guys. Which is why I don't do it.

 

[SuccessfulSeductress]

She, for whatever reason, appears interested in a relationship with you, and you appear interested in a relationship with her. Is there really much point in ruminating over this online? ... It will become clear after a date or two whether she is really interested in you or not, and at that point you can take stock again and see if you want to continue.

Considering that it'll be months before we get the chance to go out where I can get my answer in person, and considering that I've now decided to make the question of whether or not this girl likes me a major emotional issue in my life, ruminating over this online (or privately) seems to be the most obvious course of action at the moment.

and...what is up with your name?

Begins with an S and ends with an s. Odd, isn't it?