[SJ] Trouble and Needing SJ Views

[Winds of Thor]

The ex-gf keeps bugging me. She broke up with me by cheating with another guy.

I was willing to be friends and we agreed, then afterward she started trying to insult me. Then I told her we won't work as friends or otherwise.

Now she keeps taking shots at me saying nasty things.

I ignore her. She keeps taking shots at me, whether in person or texting.

I do nothing and I keep ignoring. I don't want anything to do with her anymore.

I hope she stops.

What would SJs do? I'm thinking nothing, too like me..

I have seen you guys good at handling issues.

 

[Eagle]

Well in these situations you can only do so much. Seeing as she feels like being completely immature, and there is no way to make her mature....
I think the simplest approach is to just move on. Block her number, facebook, etc. The people that are truly your friends aren't gonna ditch you because she tells a few lies or sends a few punches.
The alternatives are to wait it out, or say something to her. Something makes me think that the latter won't work.
Either way, it looks like she's not content to be just friends and it doesn't look like, for you, that she is worth being friends with.

 

[Randomnity]

that's easy. actually ignore her. block texts, facebook etc. if she's doing really scary shit, restraining order.

the one thing you can't do is reason with crazy.

 

[Winds of Thor]

It's weird. She keeps projecting her attempts at manipulating me, it's twisted...after we broke up she somehow takes what she tries out on me and tries to place her behaviors in weird way onto me to try and accuse me of those very things. Bazaar.

This reminds me of what you say, that one thing you can't do is reason with crazy.

I dislike being on the sidelines even witnessing this. It's so awful to see someone who's a former love doing this to themself.

Also Eagle makes an important point...that other true friends aren't going to ditch me. They'll see the reality of it clear enough.

 

[kyuuei]

Im not an ISTJ.. but honestly, if someone was poppin' shots at me, I'd pop right back and embarrass her. Its easy, just play the, "Oh, so I'm a insert-word-here??.. Is that what the dude you fucked behind my back told you to tell me? Or did you come up with that on your own?" Or the ever-so-classic, "I don't think whores get an opinion on that." If outrage occurs, a cool and calm, "Well, if you didn't want to be insulted you probably shouldn't insult people" does the trick.

.... >.> admittedly, these are not classy responses at all.. but to be honest, people trying to put people down around others are trying to lower someone else's opinion of you while making themselves look better.. it works because people don't really introspect too often. So, usually, lowering them way down by pinging them with the truth is enough to get the job done. I'm not one for embarrassing others, but I don't tolerate people disrespecting me for no reason.

If you want a classier response, a direct and forward, "Hey. Don't talk to me. No, really. Don't say a single word to me. If we're in public, Im just going to ignore you. You insult me constantly, you can't say a single positive thing, so don't bother saying anything at all. Im not going to pretend to like you anymore, we aren't friends, you have no business talking to me." That speech helps too..

 

[Eagle]

Just block her Avatar7 and move on.

 

[Habba]

What I would do is to reason. I have an inherit need to make people understand.

I'd keep my calm and refuse lowering myself into insulting, and then just try to analyze her behavior to her openly and try to work with her to give her what she's really after. In most cases it's simply a question of a resolution, or the feeling of being in control. The way I see it, cheating with someone is just an way to express "I want to have say in my own life, I'm don't want to be tied to you anymore" (at least in this case). Insulting does the same.. it's just a way to justify own's actions.

Simply ignoring someone might work, but if they really are feeling powerless because of their relationship to you, sometimes they are really out there for blood. That means spreading rumors and making sure you'll get hurt... at least somehow.

On the other hand... last time I had this kind of issue, simply ignoring her online worked just fine.

 

[Alehand]

Complete and utter removal from your life.

Dont even hesitate.

From a personal perspective, I even got rid of all the common friends we had because they knew of the indiscretion and no one bothered to be honest with me, least of all the so called lady in question.

 

[Giggly]

I agree with everyone else in this thread. Ignore and block her. I would probably try to tell her again that I'm ceasing communication but that's just me... maybe that's not the best thing to do (feeding into it). In time she'll stop and peace will be restored.

 

[Winds of Thor]

You are all so awesome! Blocking her and ignoring her are working! Thank you!