[ESFJ] Does everyone REALLY have an ESFJ mom?

[SilkRoad]

Americans in particular?

Seriously, I know this is turning into a bit of a hangup for me...but it just seems like I've read a truly disproportionate number of descriptions of ESFJ moms (ie. when people list the types of family members, etc). Dads, brothers and sisters can be pretty much any type at all. Moms are 99% ESFJ!

I have serious doubts about this. I mean, I'm sure there are plenty of ESFJ moms (quite a few people seem to have ISFJs too) but...I just can't believe there are that many. Other types of women reproduce. What also seems noteworthy is that a majority of people who talk about their relationship with their "ESFJ mom" will describe her as annoying, interfering, etc. Almost as though if you have a mom you don't get along with, she has to be ESFJ.

It just seems very much like a variant on the "all annoying/domineering bosses, dads and just people are ESTJs" trope. I think a lot of (particularly American, of a certain generation) women have been socialized to act very ESFJ - or else that's the default for "annoying mom" type. I remember reading in an Enneagram book that for women over 40, test results of 2 should be taken with a grain of salt because there will probably be a disproportionate and inaccurate number of these results. Very similar to the ESFJ thing, I think.

Thoughts? Or am I just a crank? For the record, my mom is probably an INTJ. She is definitely IxxJ and she is almost certainly not a Feeler.

 

[Qlip]

Mine is probably ESFP, for the record. Thinking a parent is J is probably an easy thing to do, since parents are 'supposed' to sound authorative and certain.

 

[gromit]

Oh I didn't realize about this. When do you notice it, [MENTION=7063]SilkRoad[/MENTION]?

I am not sure about my mom except IXFX... it is hard to know but I think she is probably introverted and probably a feeler, just from how she acts in new situations and how she evaluates things more subjectively.

 

[Giggly]

This is really hard to know because they are parents, and a lot of parents by default will tend to be boring and responsible or caring or tyrannical and the SJs temperament contains all those stereotypes. So they all get throw into there.

I have definitely noticed the trend though.

 

[SilkRoad]

This is really hard to know because they are parents, and a lot of parents by default will tend to be boring and responsible or caring or tyrannical and the SJs temperament contains all those stereotypes. So they all get throw into there.

I have definitely noticed the trend though.

THis is the thing. (And what the rest of you said!) I think it's kind of a stereotype. I've read through some of those "what type are your families" threads and there often seems to be an imbalance toward ESFJ moms - more accurately, xSFJ. While quite a few other types may also be represented, virtually never do you see anyone admitting to an ENTP or INTJ mom, for instance. And I refuse to believe that women of those types never reproduce.

I have to say, the 19-year-old INTJ saying "my ESFJ mom will never understand my superior intellect, as she's so hidebound and such a nosy nag" is pretty much one of the ultimate MBTI cliches at this point.

I can't absolutely swear to the types of my family members, but no question we're all IxxJ. Mom is probably INTJ, Dad IxFJ (I could see him as either N or S - he's a lot like me) and brother probably ISTJ.

 

[Beargryllz]

ISTJ

good guess though, there are a lot of ESFJs

 

[PeaceBaby]

As I recall, SJ's comprise about 45 - 50% of the population - it would stand to follow that lots of folks will have at least one as a parent.

I can dig up the source if you like

 

[prplchknz]

yes all mom's are ESFJ as soon as they give birth they magically transform into an ESFJ

 

[Redbone]

Naw, not everyone. None of my kids, nieces, or nephew do.

Seriously, I've noticed that trend, too. The type description has a lot of overlap with things often associated (sometimes loosely or erroneously) with motherhood. And it can be really difficult to see one's mother as anything but a mother, so maybe that label gets applied a lot by default.

My Mom was a real ESFJ!

 

[SilkRoad]

Having looked some more through the sticky thread in the MBTI forum about family member types: not absolutely everyone claims to have an xSFJ mom (though probably the majority do.)

However, virtually everyone who has typed their grandmother has an ESFJ grandmother!! Go look at that thread.

It's stereotyping/socialization. Even if there are bazillions of SJs out there, that should still leave a bit more room for ISTJ and ESTJ moms. Not to speak of crazy, outlying females of other types who bizarrely and unnaturally felt the impulse to reproduce.

 

[Giggly]

THis is the thing. (And what the rest of you said!) I think it's kind of a stereotype. I've read through some of those "what type are your families" threads and there often seems to be an imbalance toward ESFJ moms - more accurately, xSFJ. While quite a few other types may also be represented, virtually never do you see anyone admitting to an ENTP or INTJ mom, for instance. And I refuse to believe that women of those types never reproduce.

I have to say, the 19-year-old INTJ saying "my ESFJ mom will never understand my superior intellect, as she's so hidebound and such a nosy nag" is pretty much one of the ultimate MBTI cliches at this point.

I can't absolutely swear to the types of my family members, but no question we're all IxxJ. Mom is probably INTJ, Dad IxFJ (I could see him as either N or S - he's a lot like me) and brother probably ISTJ.

The thing is, if you get rid of those distinct SJ stereotypes and lump less people into the SJ temperament, then the people who aren't SJs won't feel so "special" and "unique" anymore. AND THAT IS VERY IMPORTANT!

That said I do know quite a few ESFJs. They aren't all bossy though. I know some INFPs who are bossy too. Still, I think the stereotypes are here to stay because more than anything they help people to feel secure.

 

[SilkRoad]

The thing is, if you get rid of those distinct SJ stereotypes and lump less people into the SJ temperament, then the people who aren't SJs won't feel so "special" and "unique" anymore. AND THAT IS VERY IMPORTANT!

Yup, that too. Most people feel superior to their moms for a long time when they're younger. Especially NTs. It's so much easier if your mom is an SJ.

 

[Giggly]

Actually now that I really think about it, I think my mom might be ESTJ rather than ESFJ!! Hmmm.... thanks [MENTION=7063]SilkRoad[/MENTION] !

 

[SilkRoad]

Actually now that I really think about it, I think my mom might be ESTJ rather than ESFJ!! Hmmm.... thanks [MENTION=7063]SilkRoad[/MENTION] !

Haha, I'm just here to be annoying and mess with your minds.

I find it really hard to type people, honestly. I'm not very confident about it. I'd be very surprised if we aren't all IxxJs in my family, though.

 

[Giggly]

Haha, I'm just here to be annoying and mess with your minds.

I find it really hard to type people, honestly. I'm not very confident about it. I'd be very surprised if we aren't all IxxJs in my family, though.

Nah, it's not the first time I've thought it. Whenever the thought would enter my mind I'd reject it though. Not cause I dislike ESTJs or anything but because she can be quite uhhh emotional sometimes, and I automatically associate emotion with F, but it's not really the Fe kind of emotional. It's more Te emotional.

 

[PeaceBaby]

Having looked some more through the sticky thread in the MBTI forum about family member types: not absolutely everyone claims to have an xSFJ mom (though probably the majority do.)

Here you are!

Derived from the stats of the 1998 edition of MBTI Manual:

SP Artisans (Sanguine, Aesthetic, Probing): 27.0%
SJ Guardians (Melancholic, Economic, Scheduling): 46.4%
NF Idealists (Choleric, Religious, Friendly): 16.5%
NT Rationals (Phlegmatic, Theoretic, Tough-minded): 10.4%

P.S. My Mom is a confirmed ISFJ - my aunt ISFP - my grandmothers IxFP and INTJ.

 

[Giggly]

Here you are!

Derived from the stats of the 1998 edition of MBTI Manual:

SP Artisans (Sanguine, Aesthetic, Probing): 27.0%
SJ Guardians (Melancholic, Economic, Scheduling): 46.4%
NF Idealists (Choleric, Religious, Friendly): 16.5%
NT Rationals (Phlegmatic, Theoretic, Tough-minded): 10.4%

How could they possibly know that? Most people have never even taken an MBTI test.

 

[Eilonwy]

I'm guessing mine is ESTJ, but then I only know her from my own perspective. She's European, by the way. Born in the 1920's, lived through WWII, did some work for the Resistance, once helped hide a Russian soldier from the Germans. Who knows how all of that, plus six children and an unhappy marriage modified her personality? I guess E because she always liked being social, and even now (since her stroke) seems to thrive on social activities. S because she is more out-in-the-world rather than in her head. T could be wrong, but I guessed it because she was very no-nonsense and I suspect that she made decisions from her head and not her heart. J because everything had to be done a certain way, rules had to be followed, very structured, but that could be upbringing too. Other clues I've used to guess are that she was a nurse, and seems to fit Keirsey's SJ descriptions in general.

I didn't find my mom annoying or interfering, but she was distant and a perfectionist. She worked very hard and I always felt that I needed to take care of her, but that what I did was never quite good enough. She was unhappy with her situation and that came through quite clearly and affected how she parented me, and thus how I perceive her as a person and a parent.

 

[PeaceBaby]

How could they possibly know that? Most people have never even taken an MBTI test.

Online, no - but for research and for workplace testing, yes.

 

[Ginkgo]

Moms do usually have some ESFJ-like tendencies...