[ISTJ] ISTJ - A practical example

[Alehand]

I usually prefer quiet observation to participation with people I dont know hi but today I need to express myself and writing is my preferred medium, also to be honest I finished my vodka last night so I am bored before I pass out.

So where to start...7 days and a few hours ago my Dad died. A shock that I know is going to take months for me to move pass.

Sorry for rambling.

Anyway lets see how much of my actions over the pass week are because I am an "emotionless robot" aka ISTJ (list time ):

1) I called my family on the day of his passing to get them all back from overseas so we can bury him as a family, respect is all.

2) I went and opened his business and kept it open except for this funeral so my mom and brother can eat, that includes the day he died.

3) I resigned from my dreadful but good paying job so I can keep the business going until I can sell it. Easiest decision of the week.

4) I have broken down once namely the day of the event because of shock, havent since because I am trying to save my family from imploding and keep his business going. That includes me identifying his body the next day.

5) I delivered his eulogy because it was the right thing to do

6) I have comforted people even though I dont understand why because I know thats what they need, even if I dont comprehend it.

7) I am stressed and depressed but instead of showing it, I get self destructive

8) I am paralysed by the multiple decisions I must make without sufficient time to investigate the evidence.

9) I am being stubborn about making changes because my dad operated his way and it worked, why change.

10) Despite all this I still find time to try help a girl, who I dont know if she cares about me the same way or wants a relationship or whatever, but I keep going because I know I am helping her with her depression by showing my hereto unknown to her "soft side".

11) Annoyed at people telling me I need to support my family, WTF else should I do?

Anyway I need to go and bottle some more emotions.

Ciao

 

[PeaceBaby]

You need one of these: and although I do not know you, I appreciate all this hard work you are doing at such a stressful time.

Be sure to post more, the sharing may help, and I wish you and your family all the best as you work through this.

Take care of yourself too - stay away from too much vodka!

 

[Giggly]

Wow. I'm sorry to hear about your Dad.

You are amazing. I think you're doing a lot. No one should complain.

I'm going to guess that you're not going to ease up on any of that, but just try to find time to take it easy if you can.

The funny thing is, when SJs get into this habit, no matter how miserable they are, they just can't stop doing it.

And to make matter worse, they refuse help because they're the "strong one".

You might want to think about that and just ask for a little bit.

 

[Antimony]

Relax. Don't bottle your emotions, because one day that bottle will break. Chill out, tell people to shove it up their ass. Things will get better, but they have to get worse, or at least start from some lower point, before they do.

 

[skylights]

sorry about your dad.

tell people to shove it up their ass

they can get over themselves. it sounds like you're taking care of everything very well.

 

[mrcockburn]

Sorry about your loss. Put *away* that vodka bottle. You ISTJs latch on to habits like a mother, and you don't need this one. Try chamomile tea instead.


/shouldtakemyownadviceafterdrinkingashitloadofwhiskeyeachnighttofallasleep

 

[Tiltyred]

I'm sorry for your loss. You're a brick, and I know your family is grateful. They're lucky to have you.

 

[Alehand]

Update

Right got another of vodka but keeping it in reserve for now.

So update:
1) I have finally gotten angry, blindingly so at my brother. The one I am working to feed. Brief history, he is slightly mental (retarded is the wrong word), I think autistic and my sister reckons bi-polar. Basically he is difficult and I usually am a lot more considerate with him.

Here is why I got angry:
- he has insisted that my Dad broke his promise about immigrating (my Dad wanted to go back to Portugal and retire or England to be with my nephew and sister)
- swore at my mother...biggest crime in this family since my Dad lost his mom at an early age and refused any disrespect.
- caused a f@!$ing fight with a cop and then expects sorry to be enough.

Stupid little fool doesn't understand how much stress he is adding to us all, my Dad isnt even warm in his grave and this (insert swear words) has carried on is.

Best part is now my Mom is angry at me for losing my temper (I put him in a choke hold...immature I know).

2) My other brother (2 brothers), is so guilt ridden by ignoring my Dad for years and is now being a complete and utter (insert swear words). So now I have to manage his guilt so it doesn't spill into his only other emotional response, rage, so my family doesn't splinter.

3) I am the youngest by a long shot but somehow I am head of the family now...Godfather was not like this.

4) My employers think I haven't resigned, I was pretty clear. WTF.

5) I am now also wrapping up his estate because my other brother cant be bothered.

6) I want to give up but I know I cant...I hate having to fight myself.

7) Radiohead is cheering me up...sad but true.

8) I cant find time to go and gym...so I am binge eating, my negative response to life.

9) I really want the vodka.

10) I cant end on an odd number, if I have OCD I am committing myself.

 

[Giggly]

Re #1 Sounds like he deserved it.

Have you ever seen "What's eating Gilbert Grape?"

 

[Alehand]

Right got another of vodka but keeping it in reserve for now.

Ja. Deserved or not, cant react that, going to have some deep thinking.

 

[Stanton Moore]

Alehand,

I am very sorry for your loss. I lost my father suddenly when I was 19 years old, so I know how such a thing feels. It s not easy to lose someone. Even if you can see it coming. My father lost his mother at 12...seems to parallel your family a bit.
The advise to not stuff your emotions is very good. It's important to feel them, so the stuffing of them doesn't become a platform for bad habits, like drinking or drugging, etc. I thought, for years, that I had dealt with what happened, but years later, I realized that I had not, and it caused me all sorts of grief. I don't know if that's avoidable, frankly, because things take their own time, but it's worth finding someone you can trust, who will allow you to say and feel whatever you need to. Doesn't have to be a therapist. A friend or relative will do.
Good luck to you, Alehand.

 

[EJCC]

You said you aren't a huggy person but too bad. There's another one!

I'm sorry about the whole situation. Two things:
1) Stop bottling your feelings up like that! Yes I know you're an ISTJ, but at the same time I know from experience that A Little Help From Your Friends can make a huge difference. As well as other things that I will allude to later in the post. Either way, denying your feelings now will just make them worse later, as you have already learned.
Also, talking to people can lead to second opinions and advice on how to go about things -- which is always helpful, for me. A load off your back, perhaps!
2) Put away the vodka, and put away the food you were about to binge on. There are healthier ways to cope! If you start a cycle now, it's going to escalate even further out of control as time goes on. Grief is a journey and you want to get on the best possible path early on.

My grandmother died a few months ago and my mom (INFJ type 1, another type likely to bottle up emotions and binge on unhealthy things when stressed) has started going to a bereavement support group, and says that it's really helping her out. I would recommend something similar. It's always good to talk to people who are going through similar things.

(Sorry, my Te got a little out of control there. Ignore me if you want. I think I overreached. Either way, good luck with everything. Stay strong!)

 

[Giggly]

When [MENTION=4945]EJCC[/MENTION] 's Te gets out of hand, we send her to the corner to knit.

 

[EJCC]

When [MENTION=4945]EJCC[/MENTION] 's Te gets out of hand, we send her to the corner to knit.

<-- sad to be punished
<-- but happy to have knitting time!
*gets out crafting supplies*

 

[Giggly]

<-- sad to be punished
<-- but happy to have knitting time!
*gets out crafting supplies*

I didn't really think it was out of hand. I just need a scarf.

 

[EJCC]

I didn't really think it was out of hand. I just need a scarf.

How long? How thick? What color(s)? Fringe? Pom-poms? Neither? Do you like stripes? Do you like ribbing?

 

[Giggly]

Exactly like this. Big, bulky, same color. It'll be getting cold soon. *shivers*

edit: Sorry to Aleland for dirtying his thread.

 

[EJCC]

We are not dirtying it! We are preparing it for winter.

Do you want your scarf in that color, too? (b/c I think a lighter, softer gray would really compliment your pink hair.)

 

[Alehand]

It's alright Giggly, life is messy.

I need to sleep.

 

[sculpting]

*hugs* Alehand. My heart wishes it could give you a hug.