[SJ] Introverted SJ's... HOW DO YOU DATE?

[istj86]

Do you go and hunt in clubs/friend circles/internet or girls come to you?
My first girlfriend back in high school came to me (shouldnt we guys be the first to talk about this? lol) so i guess since then ive been kinda thinking that maybe that will happen again... but of course it hasnt.

Need tips... cant really date on my friends group since we live in a small place and right at the moment i start to have long conversations with a girl ill have a hundred people on top of me making silly comments or questions, its stupid i know i shouldnt care but i want my privacy and tranquility with relationships (just because of this im shy to girls)

Also living on a small island doesnt really help, people arent really open-minded so maybe i get to know a girl that does like me but she doesnt tell me just in case their friends have a bad opinion of me... it works like that around here :/

 

[Giggly]

... so maybe i get to know a girl that does like me but she doesnt tell me just in case their friends have a bad opinion of me... it works like that around here :/

Something I ought to tell you...after high school girls don't listen to their friends that much. If she likes you, she'll still date you, even if her friends say something bad about you. Basically, just ignore the haters and press on. If you need to, ask her if you can talk to her alone sometime.

Aren't you still in university? If so, I highly recommend taking advantage of that time because it's a time where there are lots of single people around wanting to socialize and lots of activities. It's an atmosphere unlike any other and is conducive to meeting new people.

Introverts who aren't students will meet through mutual friends, at work, online or by sharing the same hobbies. But it's harder, as people are usually busier with full-time work and other obligations.

As for being shy, I understand. *sigh*
I think it's to do with fear of rejection, which is hard to overcome. You can look to some confident people out there as a model...they don't seem to fear anything, even if some should. I often think if they can do it, I should be able to as well. At least that's what logic tells me.

 

[Cimarron]

Who knows. Meeting people through mutual friends, I hope.

 

[Cimarron]

Two and a half months since that. Nothing to speak of.

 

[Jstrazz]

They either come to me or I quietly go to them. I am very particular and have high standards and expectations (a strength and a weakness). I know a lot of girls through work and classes. I quietly observe (not creepily) and "screen" them, both out of fear and out of logically trying to determine how well we would work together. My ex-girlfriend and I met at a party, hit it off and... well now we're ex's. It was pretty brutal to be honest, but I am glad I took the risk. I am interested in this other girl that is a friend of a friend, and there is a connection there. I agree with Giggly, charge. Don't worry about her friends (unless one of them is your ex). You only need to prove yourself to her, end of story. Good luck!

 

[Tabula]

Infrequently, and not especially well.

Aside from that, it's usually been a by-chance sort of thing--online, mostly (makes sense, given the amount of time I spend online...). I'm historically awful at figuring out whether someone is interested in me IRL, probably and mostly on account of my own insecurities. I feel like it is easier to "be me" online sometimes.

Have you ever considered online? I know it doesn't seem like the most attractive option, but it can work.

Also, what Giggly said.

 

[tinker683]

All the relationships I've been in have kind of happened by accient. ENFJ and I met online. INxx I met at a swing dance bar that I (used to) frequent and I just went up and started talking to her, no expectations.

Usually, they seem to come to me. I try and pursue when I find a woman I'm interested in but I'm usually very straight up and honest about thing. I don't put on lines or anything, I just talk to her. Vast majority of women I've met typically aren't interested, but I have found that they seem to be at ease around me, so I'm glad for that. It makes me feel like I must be easy to approach or something

 

[Habba]

I've only dated through some online dating services. After few false starts, I'm now happily engaged.

Few times I've had a girl come up to me in a bar try to hit me, but they've been 10 years older, in a relationship and mostly drunk. So I never really expected that to work out.
And never did I start a conversation with a girl I didn't know. Besides not liking socializing with people I don't know, I like flirting even less.

Thank scientists (no credits for you, God!) for the internet.

 

[Cellmold]

I don't.

 

[Cimarron]

Who knows. Meeting people through mutual friends, I hope.

Apparently I had this plan two years ago; still nothing as of yet.

 

[citizen cane]

Apparently I had this plan two years ago; still nothing as of yet.

QFT.

 

[bronte27]

I went with the internet relationship path which was a disaster. Just be persistent and give yourself time. You'll find someone eventually.

 

[Pionart]

online, mental health social group, mutual friends

it's quite difficult tbh, and I can't seem to get anything to last.

ISTJ must be the worst type for finding a date...

 

[swordpath]

I don't.