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Thread: ESFJ Moms

  1. #11


    Quote Originally Posted by Redbone View Post
    My mother was an ESFJ. She never understood or accepted me. It hurt...really bad especially when I was little because like most children, I was crazy about my mother. It seemed like the "oughts" and "shoulds" mattered more than accepting her children.

    I have several ESFJ relatives. I try to avoid them at all costs.
    I know my Grandmother and her three daughters have all clashed at times. They and my Dad had very liberal parents (for the 1950s-60s) and were encouraged to be themselves, whatever it might be, but my Grandmother's "oughts" and "shoulds" have helped cause a lot of tension through the years. She was never held back from expressing it if she disapproved of something they did, or something they wore. She and her daughters all just have very different personalities and it's been fun to watch them all interact growing up. Ironically, two of my aunts are therapists! One of my Aunts sounds like you in that she so desparately wants to please my Grandmother but she can't figure out what my Grandmother wants from her. She's an ENTJ. I know they have gone periods of time without speaking.

  2. #12
    Orisha Redbone's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2010
    8w9 sx/sp


    ^This sounds all too familiar. My oldest sister is ENTJ and my mother would just be horrified over her. Very vocal about it, too. Her disapproval over me was a lot more subtle but no less intense. If she would have known about MBTI, she would have wondered why was she cursed with ENTJ and INTP daughters.

  3. #13
    Member eternal recurrence's Avatar
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    Jan 2010


    i'm having to mix with an esfj mom a lot lately and ... things are not working so well. Ought and should are words that need long justifications for me. you know the 'why? why? why?' person - that a part of my personality is definitely not helpin this situation
    My strategy so far as been to just be agreeable at all times - the problem is no relationship is being built from my pure conformism.
    Last edited by eternal recurrence; 02-12-2011 at 07:31 AM. Reason: spelling

  4. #14
    i love skylights's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2010
    6w7 so/sx
    EII Ne


    ^ what kind of problems are you running into? like what kind of situations?

    one thought i have is that you can try to balance a little more - ask whys for the "shoulds" when it seems like a REALLY important issue, but don't worry about it if it's less important.

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