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[ISTJ] What are the signs of a ISTJ liking or being attracted to you?

uberrogo

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Mar 26, 2009
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istj
I like a ISTJ guy just wondering what are the signs for them liking/being attracted to you?

Do they try and talk to you? Or become silent around you? Observe you?
Try to be near you? Listen on other conversations? stare? etc.

Do you make the first move?
And do like shy/quiet people?

How would you know if a ISTJ likes or is attracted to you?

I'm a male ISTJ, and I can be shy with girls I like or over the top flirtatious with them, but there isn't much middle ground. It depends on the lady that I like as to how I would approach her. I think the only constant give away is that I want to be alone with the person or at least be around them often. I dont have many tools in my dating toolbox besides cheesy affection and that generally turns out to be either funny or creepy with 99% of people.
 

Tish211

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Dec 30, 2010
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I keep wondering if I've typed him wrong and hes a INTJ not an ISTJ.
Does he seem ISTJ to you?
 

raz

Let's make this showy!
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LoLz
Not enough information, honestly.
 

sparkleyESFP

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With me, it's more of that a girl breaks nearly every rule I maintain when dealing with the general public. With most strangers or people, I'm constantly watching for timeliness, I'm standoff-ish, critical, looking for actually meaningful conversations to engage in and tend to avoid a lot of conversations. When I'm talking to a girl I like, all that is thrown out the window. I'll find any stupid reason to talk to you. I start teasing them. I try to stay in your general vicinity. I risk being late for something just to be near you for 2 more minutes. It's more of observing how conversations and interactions differ between people. To put it short, I minimize contact with strangers and cut conversations short because I just lack the desire for small talk. With a hot girl, it's different. Like a girl yesterday at work, came in looking for a shirt for work in the men's dept since it's a button down shirt she couldn't find in ladies. I spent a few minutes joking about a SHIRT with her because she was young, cute and playful. If I saw 2 people joking about a shirt, I would sit there thinking, "These people are idiots, laughing about something as trivial and meaningless as a SHIRT, WTF."
Dragging up an older thread if that's okay.
I met someone through a mutual friend. About 90% sure he is ISTJ (dependable, genuine, into social group membership for the community good, dedicated to his work). Highlights from our only date so far and question follow.

He played a joke on me at the very beginning and teased me a bit more throughout the date. Shared about his family, 'confessed' about a change in his hobbies and added that he used an existing obligation as an excuse. Presented himself as being more similar to me than he probably is. (Example: Saying his emotions can interfere with task-completion after I said I work better when I enjoy my work.) He agreed to moving the night of said date after checking his assignment deadlines. I found out during the date that he had a test the following day.

I am obsessing a little because I see so much potential here that I can't quite bring myself to just move on yet. I have also heard ISTJ prefers traditional gender roles so I'm leaving him be. He's taking forever to follow up with me. (Forever in ESFP language means it's been 3 days). I sort of expected the call today since that's the mainstream pacing for follow-up after a date. He said he would call me (which can be the kiss of death with many guys but he has expressed being a man of his word... like a fool I took him at his word and now I'm squirming).

I'm trying to figure out which is more likely: He is interested, but the ISTJ can take longer to make social contact than many other types, or he's not really that interested and only asked me out because the mutual friends thought we might hit it off so he felt obligated.

I quoted the post above because some of those details seemed to match. Considering the combination of that match, and how I still have not heard from him, I'm confused.

Thanks in advance for any insight or feedback :)
 

Tish211

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Do ISTJs flirt online? but more of a humour flirt?
I've met this other ISTJ guy who I know is one for sure.
 

IZthe411

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Jul 19, 2009
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INTJ
Dragging up an older thread if that's okay.
I met someone through a mutual friend. About 90% sure he is ISTJ (dependable, genuine, into social group membership for the community good, dedicated to his work). Highlights from our only date so far and question follow.

He played a joke on me at the very beginning and teased me a bit more throughout the date. Shared about his family, 'confessed' about a change in his hobbies and added that he used an existing obligation as an excuse. Presented himself as being more similar to me than he probably is. (Example: Saying his emotions can interfere with task-completion after I said I work better when I enjoy my work.) He agreed to moving the night of said date after checking his assignment deadlines. I found out during the date that he had a test the following day.

I am obsessing a little because I see so much potential here that I can't quite bring myself to just move on yet. I have also heard ISTJ prefers traditional gender roles so I'm leaving him be. He's taking forever to follow up with me. (Forever in ESFP language means it's been 3 days). I sort of expected the call today since that's the mainstream pacing for follow-up after a date. He said he would call me (which can be the kiss of death with many guys but he has expressed being a man of his word... like a fool I took him at his word and now I'm squirming).

I'm trying to figure out which is more likely: He is interested, but the ISTJ can take longer to make social contact than many other types, or he's not really that interested and only asked me out because the mutual friends thought we might hit it off so he felt obligated.

I quoted the post above because some of those details seemed to match. Considering the combination of that match, and how I still have not heard from him, I'm confused.

Thanks in advance for any insight or feedback :)


Hopefully he has callled. He might have his own internal rule for the number of days it takes betweeen contact. Don't sweat it.
 

sciski

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SparkleyESFP (cute name btw :) ), my thinking is that as an I, he's a bit less likely to initiate, and also, that even if he doesn't initiate, you've got to be in it to win it. He might be thinking that you're so outgoing, surely you'd have poked him by now if you were interested. Just be your natural self--even if that disregards traditional gender roles a bit. He might like that as long as you don't go overboard.
 

sparkleyESFP

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Thank you very much, IZthe411 and sciski, for the replies!

Yes, he called, thank goodness. Just talked to him a moment ago, in fact. Half an hour of wonderment for me.

I took sciski's suggestion... guy had talked about his availability with me but hadn't actually asked me out. So when we were talking and he said he was free I finally asked if he wanted to do something.

He jumped on that question in a way that pleases me :cheese: And then took it upon himself to figure out something for us to do. Which is absolutely perfect because, well, I dig that in a partner.

It seems maybe he just wanted confirmation that I would say yes before he suggested another interaction. Which is kind of cute and wonderful.

Thank you both again! Happy to report it all seems to be going better than I thought.
 

IZthe411

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Yeah that sounds about right. ISTJs want some kind of confirmation before they put themselves out there feelings-wise. We'll do the rest once we get the nod! Let me know how it goes!
 

sparkleyESFP

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That is fine for me because I don't mind making it clear that I won't decline an invitation when I'm interested. I like to make it easy for someone when I'm into them. Him planning the next date suits his type, and me getting surprised with the specifics suits mine! He's getting back to me on it and I don't mind having another reason for us to talk ^_^

He is sort of acting like I am a girlfriend already. Not with the physical stuff, and I don't know if I can articulate specifically what I mean. I just get that vibe from him, I don't feel related to like someone he can potentially see himself with. I feel related to like someone he sees himself with already. I guess that means he isn't seeing other people (???), or your type does that with anyone even if they are seeing more than one person at the time.

It would probably be a good idea to stay quiet about the fact that I lost interest in "dating" since we met. For now anyway. Right? Yeah. But then maybe stuff like that doesn't freak out the ISTJ? (I am waffling because I kinda do want him to know that.) I guess my plan is to play it by ear and if I feel like blurting it out I'll trust it's okay if I do. If you or another ISTJ think this is a terrible idea please let me know!

It's funny because I was totally digging him first, and then I discovered through research that Keirsey suggests our types together. I can see why. Works quite well, imo. Your type has the most incredible character.
 

Cimarron

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Tish211 said:
Do ISTJs flirt online? but more of a humour flirt?
I've met this other ISTJ guy who I know is one for sure.
For me at least... I've checked with my firsthand sources, and they gave a clear "Yes!" We agreed I basically don't flirt unless flirted with first, though. And that's the sign: If I respond well to it, and try to roll with it, then odds are I like her.

It would probably be a good idea to stay quiet about the fact that I lost interest in "dating" since we met. For now anyway. Right? Yeah. But then maybe stuff like that doesn't freak out the ISTJ? (I am waffling because I kinda do want him to know that.) I guess my plan is to play it by ear and if I feel like blurting it out I'll trust it's okay if I do. If you or another ISTJ think this is a terrible idea please let me know!
I don't know, if it gets to be serious, he ought to know, don't you think? But I guess you're judging that it isn't serious enough to make a difference yet... As long as you're both clear on the terms, that's what I'd be concerned about. :)
 

Tish211

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I really think the ISTJ guy likes me. We've been speaking for months now. We speak everyday mostly or when he replies apologises if he hasn't been on.
We still get on well and have a huge amount in common we're quite close he always asks me how I am , what I've been up to has a general interest in me. Except we live kinda far from each other. And when we both started speaking. We both wanted to go to the same college. I haven't got the grades now so can't go. He always said before whatever happens we'd still me. Then I told him yesterday and suggested meeting sometime and I hope we still get to me. He said "I hope we still get to meet up doesn't look likely now:(" after suggested meeting up he said "I don't doubt I'd be able to get off work, and I'd need to find a place to stay we did say said we'd meet ; (".
Whats going through his mind now? was he hoping we'd get together in the college and now I won't be there hes worried of starting a long distance relationship? or not sure how it's work? I think we both have feelings for each other
 

raz

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Tish, be more aggressive.
 
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