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Thread: ESFJ hates me

  1. #41
    Senior Member
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    Feb 2009


    Interesting. My Grandma was an ESFJ also, speaking of being related to that type. I always got along great with her actually; it was my Mom (also an INFJ) who she drove nuts sometimes. I could understand it though; and people usually have trouble with parents of the same gender somewhere along the line, probably regardless of type. My Grandma grew up in a huge family, of about 12 kids. So being introverted wasn't something she could understand.

    Also, my aunt is an ESFJ as well. I get along fine with her too.

    I can think of two ESFJs, one male and one female, that I don't get along with. In the case of the male one, I never said or did anything to him, but seeing his reactions to my behavior, I could just tell that my very existence seemed to make his skin crawl. I felt bad that he had this reaction to me, but I felt like, hey, I can only be myself...If you don't like me even though I haven't bothered you, it's your problem.

    Keep in mind the people I'm talking about are not particularly healthy people. The guy I just mentioned has alienated most of his friends because he feels people should be treating him better than they are and constantly whines about it, day after day. Eventually people get sick of hearing about it.

    Likewise, the INFJs you mentioned don't seem healthy either. Most INFJs probably don't go around giving un-asked for advice (sounds like something an unhealthy ENFJ would do) and I don't think any healthy INFJ should have a problem admitting they're wrong about something if they are indeed wrong (unless it means they're giving up on a cause or something).

    Also, with ESFJs being among the most common type, there's just going to be more of them who are jerks. With there being probably over 10 ESFJs to every 1 INFJ, it doesn't mean INFJs are on average any better, there's just way more ESFJs.

    I've always been totally opposed to judging people because they were different or strange to me. I'm not saying all ESFJs do this. Just certain unhealthy ones. The good ESFJs are like angels. In fact, I mainly feel self-conscious around them because they give and give and I feel like I might be unable to return the favor!

    But I wonder if other INFJs have ever felt that others judge them and write them off without really getting to know them? I had this problem sometimes...Especially when I was younger, but you know how kids can be. I dunno...thoughts?

    But I do think we have a tendency to make you ESFJs uncomfortable. And I've always felt bad about that.
    A hero is someone who does the right thing without expectation of reward, just because it's the right thing to do.

  2. #42
    Senior Member Chaotic Harmony's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2009
    9w1 sx


    I have to wonder if the ESFJs people encounter that immediately seem to dislike them are getting some kind of "bad vibe" from them. I know in the past I've gotten a vibe from someone because they reminded me of someone else.... Sometimes my vibe is accurate, sometimes its not. It all depends on if I can make it past the vibe and really give the person a chance. Sometimes when I've given a person a chance that vibe has been proven wrong. Other times, it was eerily accurate. If that makes any sense?

    For me and mom it has a lot to do with our thought processes. We can arrive at the exact same conclusion on something... And end up in a massive argument because she explains it differently than I do. Let me tell you, those are some ridiculous fights. We end up bickering because I didn't phrase it the way I should have according to her. And I end up irritated because I said the exact same thing she did, just in a different way and she tells me I'm wrong. It doesn't help that we're both stubborn as an ox when it comes to having the last word.

    I try not to judge people, because you never know what's going on in their life. However, there are just sometimes where someone gets me a not so fuzzy feeling inside and I have a tendency to avoid them. I'm not mean to them though... So perhaps that's the difference between a healthy person and an unhealthy... When a healthy one gets that bad feeling, they just avoid the other person... An unhealthy person feels the need to act on that bad feeling and "punish" the other person.

    And yeah, I think the difference in population definitely impacts how other types are viewed... It's not that INFJs are better, just that there are fewer of them, so it's not as likely that you will encounter a bad one, as you are with a bad ESFJ. Yep, makes sense.

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