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[ESFJ] Are All ESFJs Like This?

FFF

Fight For Freedom
Joined
Apr 24, 2007
Messages
691
MBTI Type
INTP
Enneagram
9
So, now I end up working with this fat ESFJ girl, and she is so annoying. She basically goes up to anyone and starts talking about simple, boring, everyday stuff like her roomate stealing her toilet paper and how she likes to eat cake.

She's always quick to come up with stupid judgements (notice the SJ) about me. She'll ask me to do stuff because she's too lazy to do it herself, and if I don't oblige, she says stuff like I'm mean. Maybe she's right when she says I'm rude, but I'm an INTP. DEAL WITH IT! If you want fluff or sensitivity, go talk to some F type.

My ENTP friend and I discussed how ESFJs have this way of trying to manipulate people with their stupid judgements, but how it doesn't work with us. Personally, when ESFJ girl says I'm mean, I just stand there thinking, "You're an idiot."

I know better than to tell her anything personal or meaningful because after two or three days, everyone in the whole damn store is gonna know about it. So pretty much I just stand there and mirror her level of interaction, by saying no more than boring everyday crap. Of course, sometimes we need to talk about work related stuff, so that works out okay.

Yesterday, she asked me for a ride home later and my automatic response was NO. Then she said something about not giving a "friend" a ride home. I almost told her, "You're not my friend. You're someone who stands in front of me and goes blah blah blah." Really, this girl doesn't know a thing about me. I haven't even mentioned a thing to her about my interest in personality theories.
 

wildcat

New member
Joined
Jun 8, 2007
Messages
3,622
MBTI Type
INTP
So, now I end up working with this fat ESFJ girl, and she is so annoying. She basically goes up to anyone and starts talking about simple, boring, everyday stuff like her roomate stealing her toilet paper and how she likes to eat cake.

She's always quick to come up with stupid judgements (notice the SJ) about me. She'll ask me to do stuff because she's too lazy to do it herself, and if I don't oblige, she says stuff like I'm mean. Maybe she's right when she says I'm rude, but I'm an INTP. DEAL WITH IT! If you want fluff or sensitivity, go talk to some F type.

My ENTP friend and I discussed how ESFJs have this way of trying to manipulate people with their stupid judgements, but how it doesn't work with us. Personally, when ESFJ girl says I'm mean, I just stand there thinking, "You're an idiot."

I know better than to tell her anything personal or meaningful because after two or three days, everyone in the whole damn store is gonna know about it. So pretty much I just stand there and mirror her level of interaction, by saying no more than boring everyday crap. Of course, sometimes we need to talk about work related stuff, so that works out okay.

Yesterday, she asked me for a ride home later and my automatic response was NO. Then she said something about not giving a "friend" a ride home. I almost told her, "You're not my friend. You're someone who stands in front of me and goes blah blah blah." Really, this girl doesn't know a thing about me. I haven't even mentioned a thing to her about my interest in personality theories.
A sound course of action.

Your life does not revolve around her life.
 

Wandering

Highly Hollow
Joined
Dec 24, 2007
Messages
873
MBTI Type
INFJ
So, now I end up working with this fat ESFJ girl, and she is so annoying.
I wonder why you felt the need to specify that she is fat :dry: ?

Maybe she's right when she says I'm rude, but I'm an INTP. DEAL WITH IT!
And maybe you're right when you say she's annoying, but she's an ESFJ. DEAL WITH IT TOO!

If you want fluff or sensitivity, go talk to some F type.
If you don't want people talking to you, stay at home.

My ENTP friend and I discussed how ESFJs have this way of trying to manipulate people with their stupid judgements, but how it doesn't work with us. Personally, when ESFJ girl says I'm mean, I just stand there thinking, "You're an idiot."
Anyone else notice the blatant double-standard and hypocrisy in that paragraph?

Yesterday, she asked me for a ride home later and my automatic response was NO. Then she said something about not giving a "friend" a ride home. I almost told her, "You're not my friend. You're someone who stands in front of me and goes blah blah blah."
Why almost? Afraid to stand up for your opinions?

Honestly, how much self-centered can you be :dry: ?
 

proteanmix

Plumage and Moult
Joined
Apr 23, 2007
Messages
5,514
Enneagram
1w2
Maybe this thread would be more appropriate at INTPc. You'll get all the loving sympathy you could ever need.
 

Athenian200

Protocol Droid
Joined
Jul 1, 2007
Messages
8,828
MBTI Type
INFJ
Enneagram
4w5
So, now I end up working with this fat ESFJ girl, and she is so annoying. She basically goes up to anyone and starts talking about simple, boring, everyday stuff like her roomate stealing her toilet paper and how she likes to eat cake.

She's always quick to come up with stupid judgements (notice the SJ) about me. She'll ask me to do stuff because she's too lazy to do it herself, and if I don't oblige, she says stuff like I'm mean. Maybe she's right when she says I'm rude, but I'm an INTP. DEAL WITH IT! If you want fluff or sensitivity, go talk to some F type.

My ENTP friend and I discussed how ESFJs have this way of trying to manipulate people with their stupid judgements, but how it doesn't work with us. Personally, when ESFJ girl says I'm mean, I just stand there thinking, "You're an idiot."

I know better than to tell her anything personal or meaningful because after two or three days, everyone in the whole damn store is gonna know about it. So pretty much I just stand there and mirror her level of interaction, by saying no more than boring everyday crap. Of course, sometimes we need to talk about work related stuff, so that works out okay.

Yesterday, she asked me for a ride home later and my automatic response was NO. Then she said something about not giving a "friend" a ride home. I almost told her, "You're not my friend. You're someone who stands in front of me and goes blah blah blah." Really, this girl doesn't know a thing about me. I haven't even mentioned a thing to her about my interest in personality theories.

That sounds awful, no matter what personality type they are. Sure, all ESFJ's might be inclined to talk about their day in concrete, agonizing detail, but this lady... sounds really unhealthy. Doesn't know when she's disliked, forces people to put up with her meanness while criticizing them for theirs, and other such things.

I don't think healthy ESFJ's act that way, personally.
 

proteanmix

Plumage and Moult
Joined
Apr 23, 2007
Messages
5,514
Enneagram
1w2
That sounds awful, no matter what personality type they are. Sure, all ESFJ's might be inclined to talk about their day in concrete, agonizing detail, but this lady... sounds really unhealthy. Doesn't know when she's disliked, forces people to put up with her meanness while criticizing them for theirs, and other such things.

I don't think healthy ESFJ's act that way, personally.

All we have is this dude's biased perspective of this woman. To even say that she's unhealthy gives credence to his story. These types of threads annoy the holy hell out of me. And since the person is an ESFJ, everyone's favorite type to hate, that makes it all the more better.

There are a number of threads here asking for help dealing with different types that come in the attitude of sincerely wanting to understand and work through problems. ImNotTooPopular, you just wanted to start a bitchfest and have people jump on the bandwagon with you. Don't enable this guy.
 

FFF

Fight For Freedom
Joined
Apr 24, 2007
Messages
691
MBTI Type
INTP
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I wonder why you felt the need to specify that she is fat :dry: ?

If you don't want people talking to you, stay at home.

I mentioned she's fat because I didn't want people to start thinking she was one of those popular, attractive ESFJs.

I'd like to stay at home, but it doesn't pay. Even INTPs need to eat.
 

FFF

Fight For Freedom
Joined
Apr 24, 2007
Messages
691
MBTI Type
INTP
Enneagram
9
That sounds awful, no matter what personality type they are. Sure, all ESFJ's might be inclined to talk about their day in concrete, agonizing detail, but this lady... sounds really unhealthy. Doesn't know when she's disliked, forces people to put up with her meanness while criticizing them for theirs, and other such things.

Umm, yes, I would say she's self-unconscious. It's probably her way of dealing with all the rejection she received based on being overweight.
 

Randomnity

insert random title here
Joined
May 8, 2007
Messages
9,485
MBTI Type
ISTP
Enneagram
6w5
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
This reflects more upon you than her.
 

FallsPioneer

New member
Joined
Dec 21, 2007
Messages
260
MBTI Type
INTJ
So what do you want? Wouldn't the answer to your question be fairly obvious (no)?

Calm down.
 

Domino

ENFJ In Chains
Joined
Nov 5, 2007
Messages
11,429
MBTI Type
eNFJ
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4w3
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
Maybe this thread would be more appropriate at INTPc. You'll get all the loving sympathy you could ever need.

Agreed.

Furthermore, BMI has nothing to do with MBTI. So grow up. You AND your character-assassinating friend.

If she's not like-able, she's not like-able. Finis.
 

white

~dangerous curves ahead~
Joined
Nov 15, 2007
Messages
2,591
MBTI Type
ENTP
I'mNotTooPopular,

Perhaps you'd like to rephrase your question, into how you could better deal with traits you find frustrating in a colleague, vs attack a type as being frustrating?

We all like our private spaces, and we hate being intruded upon, so I can see where you're coming from there. People can be frustrating, whatever the type. But we hate being judged by our appearances and by our type just as much, isn't it.

The post sounds young. Perhaps put a brake on the Ti judging, and try engage your Ne to understand where she could be coming from firstly, and to work out how best to get along?

I'd be wary of typing someone by MBTI and sticking to it so firmly IRL - it creates a certain myopia that prevents one from really learning how to live with others?

And if you don't like her, as wildcat said, live your own life, don't let her bug you so much. Distance yourself more?
 

Wandering

Highly Hollow
Joined
Dec 24, 2007
Messages
873
MBTI Type
INFJ
I mentioned she's fat because I didn't want people to start thinking she was one of those popular, attractive ESFJs.
Stereotype number 1: fat people can't be popular.

Stereotype number 2: fat people can't be attractive.

I'd like to stay at home, but it doesn't pay. Even INTPs need to eat.
Too bad. I'm afraid you'll have to learn to deal with the other types then.

Umm, yes, I would say she's self-unconscious. It's probably her way of dealing with all the rejection she received based on being overweight.
Do you *know* that she's received rejection because of her weight, or are you just assuming? In which case that would be stereotype number 3.

And if she's learned to be self-unconscious because of this hypothetical rejection, then more power to her, I say!! I just wish she could teach me how to do the same and not care about what creeps like you think of me.
 

Zergling

Permabanned
Joined
Apr 26, 2007
Messages
1,377
MBTI Type
ExTJ
Maybe this thread would be more appropriate at INTPc. You'll get all the loving sympathy you could ever need.

Yes, this seems to be another person who signed up for the forums without really thinking about what a site having to do with all MBTI types would involve.
 

INTJMom

Well-known member
Joined
Sep 28, 2007
Messages
5,413
MBTI Type
INTJ
Enneagram
5w4
So, now I end up working with this fat ESFJ girl, and she is so annoying. She basically goes up to anyone and starts talking about simple, boring, everyday stuff like her roomate stealing her toilet paper and how she likes to eat cake.

She's always quick to come up with stupid judgements (notice the SJ) about me. She'll ask me to do stuff because she's too lazy to do it herself, and if I don't oblige, she says stuff like I'm mean. Maybe she's right when she says I'm rude, but I'm an INTP. DEAL WITH IT! If you want fluff or sensitivity, go talk to some F type.

My ENTP friend and I discussed how ESFJs have this way of trying to manipulate people with their stupid judgements, but how it doesn't work with us. Personally, when ESFJ girl says I'm mean, I just stand there thinking, "You're an idiot."

I know better than to tell her anything personal or meaningful because after two or three days, everyone in the whole damn store is gonna know about it. So pretty much I just stand there and mirror her level of interaction, by saying no more than boring everyday crap. Of course, sometimes we need to talk about work related stuff, so that works out okay.

Yesterday, she asked me for a ride home later and my automatic response was NO. Then she said something about not giving a "friend" a ride home. I almost told her, "You're not my friend. You're someone who stands in front of me and goes blah blah blah." Really, this girl doesn't know a thing about me. I haven't even mentioned a thing to her about my interest in personality theories.
Oh, MAN! I feel your pain!!
I've known people like that, too! There's such a dichotomy between what you're thinking and feeling on the inside and what you feel obligated to portray on the outside.
I feel for you. I don't blame you for feeling the way you do.
 

INTJMom

Well-known member
Joined
Sep 28, 2007
Messages
5,413
MBTI Type
INTJ
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5w4
:rofl1: :blush:

I'm so embarrassed now that I've read all the other responses!

But I'm not gonna change my answer now.

I didn't know everyone loves to hate ESFJs. My sister-in-law is an ESFJ and I think she's wonderful. She's a hard worker, keeps a neat home, is a good listener, is generous, is always cheerful. I don't get what's the matter with that!
 
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