[MBTI General] INTJ hitting on an ISFJ

[fragrance]

Hey guys! I turn to you because I need help with a female ISFJ. It's even more complicated because she is the ex-girlfriend of a friend of mine. And now that they're apart, I approached her, met a few times and we kissed. I wanted to know what you SJ people think of my situation and what you think I should do.

 

[Rebe]

I am not SJ but I know my ISFJ and my ESFJ friends very well.

My ISFJ friend broke up with her boyfriend because she needed to 'focus and not be distracted' even though she was and still is very much in love with him. However, she still believes that it 'wouldn't work out between them' because of different values. So, I wouldn't dismiss her reasons. SFJs would be unlikely to play around; they take their commitments, relationships and their feelings seriously. I, in comparison, is a bit more flimsy. I think she thought deeply and realistically about it and does not believe it will work. And it sounds like she is attached to this other guy. When she spoke of loyalty, imo she already made a commitment to someone else and is serious about seeing that through.

You can be her friend while she's into this other guy and maybe someday, she will change her mind about you. Or, you can let her go. I wouldn't dismiss her reasons; their reasons are usually solid and they are also stubborn.

 

[fragrance]

My ISFJ friend broke up with her boyfriend because she needed to 'focus and not be distracted' even though she was and still is very much in love with him. However, she still believes that it 'wouldn't work out between them' because of different values.

Breaking up while still being in love doesn't sound like a typical ISFJ decision to me. That is so rational, must have been very hard for her. INTJs are known for that.

And it sounds like she is attached to this other guy. When she spoke of loyalty, imo she already made a commitment to someone else and is serious about seeing that through.

Yes, that sounds very much like that. But I still would like to challenge that feeling which tells her that it doesn't feel right. I just don't have a clue what to do to make her date me, that's the problem.

I'm not the typical INTJ, my friends actually think I'm the most extraverted person they know. If I get to date her, I could easily switch to my F which is quite developed for an NT, though way behind an SF. My ex was an ISFJ and our relationship was almost perfect.

 

[Rebe]

Yeah, she is still very attached but she does not regret breaking up with him. I guess all evidence pointed to an inevitable break up and I think she was very brave.

Do you think she is being irrational in her decision to date some other guy and not give you a chance when you see that you two have chemistry and potential? Do you have any clue why she said no? Could you possibly be ENTJ? In socionics, ENTJ and ISFJs are 'two halves of one whole' - duality, it seems more plausible than an INTJ and ISFJ perfect match. But that's a different theory you probably won't take seriously unless you have studied it. I am just throwing it out there. I have studied the socionics relations here and there, but the introverted P vs J conversion from MBTI is WTF.

Sometimes, it's just a 'feeling' and it's not possible to convince someone to feel something they don't no matter how much potential you see. Have you tried wooing her? Wooing is a weird word. I mean, romancing. Satisfy all your options and then, call it quits. What have you tried so far?

 

[FDG]

Insist some more - perhaps 2-3 months. If she still says no, break contact completely and forget about her (reject her if she tries to come back after).

 

[Rainne]

Insist some more - perhaps 2-3 months. If she still says no, break contact completely and forget about her (reject her if she tries to come back after).

This is sad, but it works.

 

[betterthandead]

I bet you're not even an INTJ, you sound too stupid to be one.