[ESTJ] How to get along with ESTJ's

[IZthe411]

Yeah. That's the only way I have found to get "along" with an ESTJ. Probably the thing is that we're both base Te types with a different creative function: we both have rather clear ideas on how to get a given job done, yet these ideas can be rather different. If there's extensive contact between us, most of the time the ESTJ will try to find a way to get me fired. I perfectly understand their rationale: I am an obstacle that needs to be removed, since usually you can't implement both Te-Ni and Te-Si methods.

It's not the creative function itself, it's the rightness factor and rigidity that comes with Pi: Rightness in itself. I work with a bull headed STJs and the worst is when we don't see eye to eye. It's not pretty when they are wrong or there are multiple ways of doing things, yet they insist on their way of proceeding. It's tough.

 

[Spamtar]

I am prejudiced against them...and generally find their values conflict with mine

....but despite this these are one of the types whom I just happen to end up hanging out with comparatively a lot. I am at a loss on why. It seems like if you, albeit hesitantly, live up to the challenge of putting up with them then they will match your play.

Also a lot of stuff they say makes me crack up although I am at a loss if they are trying to be funny or no.

 

[IZthe411]

I am prejudiced against them...and generally find their values conflict with mine

....but despite this these are one of the types whom I just happen to end up hanging out with comparatively a lot. I am at a loss on why. It seems like if you, albeit hesitantly, live up to the challenge of putting up with them then they will match your play.

Also a lot of stuff they say makes me crack up although I am at a loss if they are trying to be funny or no.

Could be the Ne/Si thing.... a good balance between both could spell a good relationship for SJs and NPs.

 

[Spamtar]

Could be the Ne/Si thing.... a good balance between both could spell a good relationship for SJs and NPs.

Yeah, it feels like there is a secret connection with them sometimes.

As if we came on two different spaceships to this planet and we cant help but checking in with each other to see how its going.

 

[tinker683]

I get along pretty with my ESTJ boss but then we have a very simple relationship: He tells me to do something, and I do it. If I don't think I can do it, I explain to him why and he either gets me backup to get the job done or assigns it to someone else.

Usually though he seems to prefer me. He's not very showy about it, but I can tell that he respects me. The only time we ever butt-heads is when my perfectionism hits an area of the job he feels is unimportant. I'll just shrug my shoulders and do what he tells me to do but secretly hate the fact that this one little area that he's deemed insignificant looks like crap.

Which I realize sounds incredibly stupid but the thing is that I take personal pride in some of the work I do and when something doesn't look good to me...it's like nails on a chalk board, I CAN'T ignore it.

He'll also get these grand ideas or projects into his head and go all gung-ho on getting them done. Which is all well and fine, but sometimes I think he's wasting his time. "Overachiever" is how I think of most ESTJs.

Aside from those two very minor nitpicks, we get along extremely well. He's got a great sense of humor and watching him bicker with some of the SPs I work with is hilarious!

Good folks they are

 

[ChocolateMoose123]

What if an ESTJ goes into avoidance mode? The one I know is afraid of anything uncomfortable (not in touch with Fi) and when wrong will give the silent treatment. Any experiences with a conflict avoidant ESTJ?

 

[Spamtar]

What if an ESTJ goes into avoidance mode? The one I know is afraid of anything uncomfortable (not in touch with Fi) and when wrong will give the silent treatment. Any experiences with a conflict avoidant ESTJ?

I have seen scared and flighty...ESTJs but most I have seen at least make a facade of bravery or dominance if not actual bravery.

 

[EJCC]

What if an ESTJ goes into avoidance mode? The one I know is afraid of anything uncomfortable (not in touch with Fi) and when wrong will give the silent treatment. Any experiences with a conflict avoidant ESTJ?

I can be one of those, sometimes. Usually I either avoid problem situations or attack them head-on, without much middle ground. Meaning... with the things that make me uncomfortable, I have a bad bad bad tendency to avoid them for a while and then go "THIS NEEDS TO END RIGHT NOW" and get it done. I'm not sure how an outside party would help one deal with this... Maybe give an ultimatum? or some sort of motivational factor? Or just talk to them about why they don't want to do it, and change their attitude about it?

Regarding the "silent treatment"... this could be from me being an enneagram 1 (is your ESTJ a 1?), but when I give that kind of silent treatment, it's usually because I really really want to say something but I'm afraid that I'll offend someone. But if someone asks me what I think: BOOM! Out come my uncensored opinion. And I don't mean that in a bad way; I often wish that people would do that, because it gives me an excuse to be blunt without feeling guilty, and when all parties can safely be blunt, that makes for better and more fruitful discussion, imho.

So I guess... the best way to deal with a conflict-avoidant ESTJ would be to take the risk of conflict away? i.e. show them that no one will be hurt or offended or reactive if they state their full opinion? Make it a conversation and not an argument?

I dunno. I'm thinking out loud. I have no idea if this post is even coherent. It's too late at night for this...

 

[FDG]

It's not the creative function itself, it's the rightness factor and rigidity that comes with Pi: Rightness in itself. I work with a bull headed STJs and the worst is when we don't see eye to eye. It's not pretty when they are wrong or there are multiple ways of doing things, yet they insist on their way of proceeding. It's tough.

I don't know though, in my experience I don't have this problem with ISTJs. Because they don't come in my office and start telling me how to do my job, if I don't actively bother them, perhaps. Plus, it always seemed to be easier to convince them, but that might be just casual.

 

[IZthe411]

I don't know though, in my experience I don't have this problem with ISTJs. Because they don't come in my office and start telling me how to do my job, if I don't actively bother them, perhaps. Plus, it always seemed to be easier to convince them, but that might be just casual.

ISTJs don't put up that much of a fight. If they respect you and view you as the head most will go along with your program.