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[ISFJ] I have this weird problem: ISFJ women.

Lambchop

New member
Joined
Aug 13, 2009
Messages
235
MBTI Type
ISFJ
It is very confusing .. that is probably why i know a lot of people, but don't have many people i call friends. Maybe just 1 now.

Do you ever feel like you are living in the wrong time and place? That you seem out of place? That being traditional, kind and respectful is no longer viewed as good and honest?
(apologies, getting a bit deep there. :blush:)

I know what you mean Saslou. Maybe that's why I like Jane Austin movies so much. Although I am all of the above: traditional, kind and respectful -- sometimes people don't understand me at all and their view of me is way different. ENFPs find me boring, I think. Or controlling. Which is really weird. One friend just told me the other day that her friend thought I didn't like her. I like her just fine...I have no clue why she thinks that. A lot of the time, I just feel misunderstood. :(

That's partially why I come on here...it's nice to see other people see and do things the same way as me. It's also nice to learn things about other types, so I don't take things personally.

With regard to IQ tests...my INFP husband scored a little higher than me on them (he can remember random useless facts like nobody's business), but I scored much higher than he did on the emotional intelligence test and I think that emotional intelligence is just as important as IQ. It was funny, because we had to read body language from people and then interpret the results and he thought he would do so well because he was an N, but because of my observation and memory skills, I way outdid him on that. We are all a mix of many different things and we are all unique, just like everyone else (like it says on the boards!)
 

Saslou

New member
Joined
Feb 1, 2009
Messages
4,910
MBTI Type
ESFJ
I know what you mean Saslou. Maybe that's why I like Jane Austin movies so much. Although I am all of the above: traditional, kind and respectful -- sometimes people don't understand me at all and their view of me is way different. ENFPs find me boring, I think. Or controlling. Which is really weird. One friend just told me the other day that her friend thought I didn't like her. I like her just fine...I have no clue why she thinks that. A lot of the time, I just feel misunderstood. :(

That's partially why I come on here...it's nice to see other people see and do things the same way as me. It's also nice to learn things about other types, so I don't take things personally.

With regard to IQ tests...my INFP husband scored a little higher than me on them (he can remember random useless facts like nobody's business), but I scored much higher than he did on the emotional intelligence test and I think that emotional intelligence is just as important as IQ. It was funny, because we had to read body language from people and then interpret the results and he thought he would do so well because he was an N, but because of my observation and memory skills, I way outdid him on that. We are all a mix of many different things and we are all unique, just like everyone else (like it says on the boards!)


Awww, bless you. There does seem to be a lot of miscommunication between the types. That is why places like this are good (and sometimes bad when people are hating :steam:, lol)

Don't worry about the IQ tests, they are aimed at N's anyway, so we will mostly get lower scores. We are smarter in different ways. It's all good.
D@v3 told me and another about this test .. Give it a try, it is more suited to S's i think and gives positive affirmations about your personality.
PersonalDNA | Your True Self Revealed - Fast Fun Free Personality Tests
I came up as an encouraging designer. It mostly rang true. What are you? I am being nosy now :D
 

countrygirl

New member
Joined
Jan 7, 2009
Messages
722
MBTI Type
ISFJ
Wow, there is a lot of ISFJ bashing (more specifically SJ's...but still)! I think it's important to remember that personality type does NOT define people. We each have our own personalities and experiences that help make us who we are. And there is such a thing as emotional intelligence as well as intellectual intelligence. I am an ISFJ and I know a few ISFJ's and we are all over the map in intellectual intellegence. My sister is an ISFJ and never finished high school. I have been accepted with a full ride scholarship to law school. My son's stepmother is an ISFJ with a double major in Psychology and Engineering and is extremely intelligent. My ex-husband is an ISFJ and has been working in a toilet paper factory for over 10 years. Our personality type does not define our intelligence.

I feel like I need to stick up a little for ISFJ's here. Also, stereotyping ISFJ's as controlling and needy or doormats is like sterotyping a specific ethnicity as lazy (incorrect!). My INFP husband could never be with someone who is controlling...he does his own thing and he wouldn't have it any other way. I am nobody's doormat. I am kind and compassionate and empathetic, but I can also see through bullshit and call it for what it is. I wouldn't take advantage of other people and I am not someone who lets other people take advantage of them. With regard to our "niceness" at first wearing off, I think that is a matter of perspective. Anytime you get to know someone, their not so pretty side comes out. And EVERYONE has a not so pretty side or a "shadow" side. EVERYONE has skeletons in their closets. Isn't that why they say "familiarity breeds contempt?" I don't recall the saying being "ISFJ's and familiarity breed contempt."

If someone has an abrasive personality (like the original poster), I am not going to be their best friend. I will try to find the good in them (like I do with everyone), and focus on that - especially if I have to be around them at work, but they are going to grate on mine (or ANYONE's nerves.)

I don't understand how ISFJs can be characterized as doormats, yet controlling. If we give in and do it your way, we are doormats? If we want to do it our way, we are controlling? Someone should make up their mind! Personally, I try to find middle ground that works for both people. I like schedules and knowing what I'll be doing ahead of time. My INFP husband is laid back, you can call him on a Saturday afternoon at 7pm to see if he wants to do something at 8pm and he's fine with that. 90% of the time, I would turn down the invitation...I usually already have plans that I've made ahead of time. So I try to be more flexible and he tries to plan ahead. We are individuals, not labels. It's wrong to stereotype "ISFJ females" (or any other personality type and gender) into one category!

Go ISFJs!! :nice:

:static: Alright lambchop! Well said. :static: ISFJs!
 

Giggly

No moss growing on me
Joined
Jun 12, 2008
Messages
9,661
MBTI Type
iSFj
Enneagram
2
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
It is very confusing .. that is probably why i know a lot of people, but don't have many people i call friends. Maybe just 1 now.

Do you ever feel like you are living in the wrong time and place? That you seem out of place? That being traditional, kind and respectful is no longer viewed as good and honest?
(apologies, getting a bit deep there. :blush:)

I know exactly what you mean. I feel the same way. :yes:

I know what you mean Saslou. Maybe that's why I like Jane Austin movies so much.

Me too! I LOVE Jane Austen movies for the same reason! I so crave another author like her. If you know of any please let me know.

That's partially why I come on here...it's nice to see other people see and do things the same way as me. It's also nice to learn things about other types, so I don't take things personally.

Oh yes, that's the best part :cheese:... it's nice to see other people who are like me. I somehow sometimes still manage to take things other types say/do personally though, lol, but I've gotten a whole lot better since learning about types. I'm actually trying to forget about types now in real life because I'm finding myself wondering what type a person is when I meet them and typing makes me stereotype people and I don't like that.

D@v3 told me and another about this test .. Give it a try, it is more suited to S's i think and gives positive affirmations about your personality.
PersonalDNA | Your True Self Revealed - Fast Fun Free Personality Tests
I came up as an encouraging designer. It mostly rang true. What are you? I am being nosy now :D

That was a neat test. I got attentive builder.


:static: Alright lambchop! Well said. :static: ISFJs!

I liked that post too. :happy:
 

Lambchop

New member
Joined
Aug 13, 2009
Messages
235
MBTI Type
ISFJ
Awww, bless you. There does seem to be a lot of miscommunication between the types. That is why places like this are good (and sometimes bad when people are hating :steam:, lol)

Don't worry about the IQ tests, they are aimed at N's anyway, so we will mostly get lower scores. We are smarter in different ways. It's all good.
D@v3 told me and another about this test .. Give it a try, it is more suited to S's i think and gives positive affirmations about your personality.
PersonalDNA | Your True Self Revealed - Fast Fun Free Personality Tests
I came up as an encouraging designer. It mostly rang true. What are you? I am being nosy now :D

You are not nosy!! I am a generous designer. You, Giggly and I are all designers. Interesting. Mine is pretty accurate, but it says I have a high level of masculinity! I am EXTREMELY feminine. Pink is my favorite color! Thanks for sharing Saslou -- I like tests like that!!
 

FDG

pathwise dependent
Joined
Aug 13, 2007
Messages
5,903
MBTI Type
ENTJ
Enneagram
7w8
More than anything, achievment in school does not define intelligence as much as type doesn't, so let's not be too quick at using that as proxy for anything.
 

Saslou

New member
Joined
Feb 1, 2009
Messages
4,910
MBTI Type
ESFJ
I know exactly what you mean. I feel the same way. :yes:

Awww. I have been reading a great book (OK almost finished and i only got it yesterday, it is that good) 'Fuck it. The ultimate spiritual way' By John C. Parkin. It doesn't make you change what is .. Just your perspective on it. So i may feel lost and out of touch with the here and now. I am still going to live life though, and to the best of my ability. I have just changed my thinking.
If you can, buy the book. I hope you will laugh as hard as i have. (It is not your common hippie/fluffy bunnies/higher power light stuff, this bloke is just a human being, saying it how it is. Perfect)

You are not nosy!! I am a generous designer. You, Giggly and I are all designers. Interesting. Mine is pretty accurate, but it says I have a high level of masculinity! I am EXTREMELY feminine. Pink is my favorite color! Thanks for sharing Saslou -- I like tests like that!!

Yayyy to designers. Oh no, your a pink lady :horor:. I am more of a red gal myself. Glad you enjoyed it. :D
 

Lambchop

New member
Joined
Aug 13, 2009
Messages
235
MBTI Type
ISFJ
Awww. I have been reading a great book (OK almost finished and i only got it yesterday, it is that good) 'Fuck it. The ultimate spiritual way' By John C. Parkin. It doesn't make you change what is .. Just your perspective on it. So i may feel lost and out of touch with the here and now. I am still going to live life though, and to the best of my ability. I have just changed my thinking.
If you can, buy the book. I hope you will laugh as hard as i have. (It is not your common hippie/fluffy bunnies/higher power light stuff, this bloke is just a human being, saying it how it is. Perfect)



Yayyy to designers. Oh no, your a pink lady :horor:. I am more of a red gal myself. Glad you enjoyed it. :D

Sas, I want to read that book, it sounds great!
 

Saslou

New member
Joined
Feb 1, 2009
Messages
4,910
MBTI Type
ESFJ
Sas, I want to read that book, it sounds great!

It is a bloody comical read and it is uplifting.
If you can't get hold of the book although i am sure Amazon has many copies, if you PM me your address, i would gladly post it to you.
 

Moiety

New member
Joined
Aug 3, 2008
Messages
5,996
MBTI Type
ISFJ
Do you ever feel like you are living in the wrong time and place? That you seem out of place? That being traditional, kind and respectful is no longer viewed as good and honest?

Boo hoo. It's revenge time, mutha fuckas!
 

Athenian200

Protocol Droid
Joined
Jul 1, 2007
Messages
8,828
MBTI Type
INFJ
Enneagram
4w5
I'd say ISFJ women are actually a fairly common problem for INTPs, not a weird problem. ;)

Seriously, INTPs complain about them ALL the time.
 

Poser

Fe, rusted.
Joined
Jan 22, 2008
Messages
691
MBTI Type
INTP
My theory: INTP's have to complain about something and they are just the only type that stick around with us long enough to give us enough ammunition.
 

JTG1984

Permabanned
Joined
Aug 22, 2009
Messages
1,477
MBTI Type
ISFJ
Enneagram
9w1
My theory: INTP's have to complain about something and they are just the only type that stick around with us long enough to give us enough ammunition.

Is that true that INTPs complain alot? For awhile I thought I was imagining things. Sometimes I think they make stuff up just so they can complain about it.
 

entropie

Permabanned
Joined
Apr 24, 2008
Messages
16,767
MBTI Type
entp
Enneagram
783
Is that true that INTPs complain alot? For awhile I thought I was imagining things. Sometimes I think they make stuff up just so they can complain about it.

It's true yes. Having had this epiphany, I approach you as a squad leader of the social underground network against intps. I will PM you further instructions on how to join us, cant talk no more, got to go..
 

Oryan

New member
Joined
Jan 20, 2017
Messages
1
MBTI Type
ENTJ
Enneagram
8
Relations of Activity

Alright, I don't get along with very many people. I have one of those caustic and abrasive personalities that would make even Mike Tyson blush. Anyway, I'm still an introvert, so my personality isn't always in your face, but if you bother to inquire, you'll certain get a dose of it.

One specific set of people that I don't tend to get along with are (what I believe to be) ISFJs. When I get around them (male or female, doesn't matter) shit gets reaaaally weird. I had always heard on forums that ISFJ's are nice and traditional and responsible, and whatever else. This was excitng to me (that and the fact that Socionics says we are activity partners or whatever), and upon first meeting most ISFJ's it all seems true: nice, polite, traditional (no frills), etc. Things go well for a while (in each of my encounters, that's about 1 hour), and then the shit starts to hit the fan: the ISFJ's are fucking full of it. To be more specific, I begin to find myself in a power struggle with the ISFJ's as they begin to see that I am mentally apt. Its really weird. You think they have a good impression of you, and think you are fine, but based on this bullshit response I get down the road, its like I've been judged as the scrawny, awkward dumbass. Pretty much, I got taken for granted, or seen as just some dude, and so now when I start putting some skills on display, they (specifically the men, here) start getting nervous/worried/etc that this nobody is going to outshine them. This is so weird. What's going on here? Maybe they were expecting a timid pushover that they could string around their finger and do with as they please, but then when I begin to assert myself, they start feeling like idiots, and think, "who the fuck does this guy think he is?" Anyway, the worry begins to materialize in the form of some underhanded and aggressive actions to (as far as I can see) remind me, or make it clear to me who is in charge. Its like they start worrying that I'm going to hold something over them, or look down on them like they are irrelevant ("I'm not going to be some little shit nobody to this clown"). Now, its weird and unexpected and aggressive and all that, but its done with a smile, you know, so I cant call out "bitch" or "pussy," I just pretty much have to deal with it, or ignore it, and go on with life. Usually, I've ended up just fine, but these bids for superiority never seem to end. Everytime I meet up with these people again, its the same bullshit.

Again, what's going on here?

This was negative, but I'm not really trying to bash these people.. they (usually) mean well, and are (enviably) responsible/organized with just about everything. What I'm trying to do is understand just what the fuck is going on here.

Oh, and to my real point: the women.

Alright,

The ISFJ women I meet are usually short and fat (like, obese), or well-dressed with nice hair, traditional makeup, and bodies that you'd see on a fitness magazine. Now, it doesn't matter if the women I see are fat or in great shape, I always feel the same attraction (did you see that one coming?). That is, I can't stop looking at them! I'm completely fucking mesmerized. Now, this attraction never really leads anywhere (the "power" problem I mentioned above is a real deal killer for me), but it also never goes away. So here I am with these women who keep bullshitting, and who are just sickening me with the actions they are taking, and who are also (just to show how weird this is) overweight and fairly average-looking, and all I can think of is how much I want to bone them. Heh. Does anyone have this happen to them? Its really weird.

Alright, so I went out with one of them a while ago, and it was like constant oscillation: initial meet, attraction, date, fight/bullshit, breakup, attraction, makeup, date, fight/bullshit, breakup.. again and again. And it was like (as I said before), no matter how disgusted I was with her, and what she does, I always found myself going back for more. And I'm sitting here wanting more again, and so I decided to ask.. what the hell?

I'm also kinda questioning whether or not I REALLY DO VALUE personality over beauty, because her personality is shit, in my opinion, and it continually drives me away once it surfaces, but I keep going back because of the very strong physical attraction I have to her. Sometimes she's fat, sometimes she's sexy as hell.. sometimes she's pretty, sometimes she looks all over the place and like shit, and as I keep saying, it doesn't matter-- I still want it!

I can't emphasize strongly enough how weird this is for me. I can't fucking explain it!

Before I repeat myself one more time..

Thoughts?

Oh TRUST ME I know exactly how you feel to the T. Relationships like this are infamous for 'relations of Activity'. As an ENTJ, I have the same struggles with ESFP's who are my 'relations of Activity'. They have a great sexual energy and all, but stupid as fuck and highly unresponsible. There always seem to be some power struggle going on, where someone is trying to act like they don't need the other. It's all immature bullshit really. So I am going to give you a simple yet very effective piece of advise to deal with such people: TELL THEM TO GO FUCK THEMSELVES, AND NEVER CONTACT THEM AGAIN. move on! There's too many great people out there whom you will actually get along with on a consistent basis, so just focus your energy on these people, not the kind of people who take your investment in the relationship lightly. Peace out!
 
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