[ISFJ] Ask an ISFJ 1.0!

[herbpixie]

You're an INTP, you guys are a creative bunch. I'm sure you'll find something

I'm sure she doesn't feel it's intended slight hopefully she's the kind that's strong enough to not let it bother her. Most of the time I can be pretty good about slights that are unintentional or truly benign but sometimes...it just stings. Whats even more aggravating is that if you try and be extra nice to try and catch slighting her before you accidentally do it, she'll catch on to what you're doing and may feel you're patronizing her.

Or at least that's how I often react, and its a small wonder to me that people can get so frustrated with ISFJs. We're a well meaning bunch but far too sensitive. Or, again, maybe that's just me.

Haha! I am pretty genuine, so it would be hard for me to fake it. She does know when I'm not having a good time. I don't get frustrated with her at all. I just know that I could probably do more to make her feel like I care since my method of expression is so different from hers.

I'm not ISFJ. Could you just 'not filter' too many of your ideas and instead, share those with her? I'd think honesty would probably be good. That's a bond or connection in and of itself. Something really good for family.

I can, but I struggle with it a little bit because our interests are so different. I don't want to bore her. We can usually find something to talk about, but sometimes I think she believes that she had an alien child, lol.

Thanks to all who spoke up. I definitely have a starting point now.

 

[Mitsuko Souma]

Hello ISFJs. These questions concern the cognitive functions. I'm an INTP (Ti-Ne-Si-Fe) compared to an ISFJ (Si-Fe-Ti-Ne). Our functions are the same but backwards in a way; does that interest any ISFJs that you may at times display some kind of "INTP" type personality and do you in anyway?

To add on I think I do at times display the kind and compassionate type nature of an ISFJ but only to about 4 people out of the many I know in life.

 

[d@v3]

A couple of times a week but I'm used to it now.

....I'm still unsure as to what emotions are, let alone them being overwhelming!

 

[Giggly]

....I'm still unsure as to what emotions are, let alone them being overwhelming!

Hahaha Hi d@v3. Don't worry, you don't want to know.

 

[Istbkleta]

Why are ISFJ such sheep?

What's your relationship with your Ti - I would have expected it to give you more independent thought.

Do you feel uncomfortable having your own Ti opinion?

 

[UniqueMixture]

I slept with a possible isfj on the first date before and then she thought I was "only interested in her for sex" :/, but I actually dug her a lot (I'm just very passionate). How can I avoid this kind ofmisunderstanding in the future?

 

[Giggly]

I slept with a possible isfj on the first date before and then she thought I was "only interested in her for sex" :/, but I actually dug her a lot (I'm just very passionate). How can I avoid this kind ofmisunderstanding in the future?

Passion is good, very good. But it's okay to slow down.

Why are ISFJ such sheep?

What's your relationship with your Ti - I would have expected it to give you more independent thought.

Do you feel uncomfortable having your own Ti opinion?

I don't know about other ISFJs so I can't speak for them, but I think and do what I feel is right. Sometimes that falls right in line with what the masses think and do. If I don't like what the masses are doing, then I won't do it (provided I can walk my own line without encountering too many problems). This happens sometimes.

 

[tinker683]

Why are ISFJ such sheep?

I'll take "Loaded Statements" for $400 Alex!

What's your relationship with your Ti

Pretty good actually, or so I've been told!

- I would have expected it to give you more independent thought.

So do you actually know any ISFJs or are you just making blanket generalizations based on really bad stereotypes of ISFJs?

Do you feel uncomfortable having your own Ti opinion?

Sometimes, but only because I don't want conflict with the other party....even if I know that I'm right.

I slept with a possible isfj on the first date before and then she thought I was "only interested in her for sex" :/, but I actually dug her a lot (I'm just very passionate). How can I avoid this kind ofmisunderstanding in the future?

I'm not a female, but if I were to feel that way it would be because after we did the deed there was no communication or sense of closeness/reconnection/warm fuzzies. How did things play out after you guys did the deed?

 

[UniqueMixture]

Passion is good, very good. But it's okay to slow down.

Ok... I usually rely on the girl to slow me down, but that's not fair I guess :/ Especially with more sensitive girls that I may have more long term potential with.

I'll take "Loaded Statements" for $400 Alex!



Pretty good actually, or so I've been told!

Uu

So do you actually know any ISFJs or are you just making blanket generalizations based on really bad stereotypes of ISFJs?



Sometimes, but only because I don't want conflict with the other party....even if I know that I'm right.



I'm not a female, but if I were to feel that way it would be because after we did the deed there was no communication or sense of closeness/reconnection/warm fuzzies. How did things play out after you guys did the deed?

Lol nooooo comment D:

It was complicated by a lot of factors I'm sure, but I take your point. Also, I like the quote in your sig.













if you must know we had to run to the store for a pill the next day so it was a bit chaotic. (It was quite a night lol and no I do not make a habit of it!!)

 

[Giggly]

Ok... I usually rely on the girl to slow me down, but that's not fair I guess :/ Especially with more sensitive girls that I may have more long term potential with.

You're right. If she was the one who wanted to slow down, she should have said something. [MENTION=8485]tinker683[/MENTION] is right though, the situation could be remedied after the fact by you putting more effort into establishing a stronger emotional connection.

 

[Istbkleta]

So do you actually know any ISFJs or are you just making blanket generalizations based on really bad stereotypes of ISFJs?

I know two ISFJs.

They are being taken advantage of by their employers. This is what I meant by sheep. That was a very poor choice of words for which I apologize. I am at a loss how to help them stand up to the people using them so I am simply supporting them for now. That is not enough as it does not change the situation.

You know the world is full of bad people who would sell you over for a pack of gum. But it seems the two ISFJs are too afraid of imaginary conflict. This is ruining their chances for financial security. In the end their inability to protect their interests means they have to sacrifice their children's interests to fund some Te a-hole's sports car. I know they don't want that.

I was hoping you guys would give me the answer.

I also avoid conflict and am a push over, so I am not exaggerating here.

 

[tinker683]

I know two ISFJs.

They are being taken advantage of by their employers. This is what I meant by sheep. That was a very poor choice of words for which I apologize. I am at a loss how to help them stand up to the people using them so I am simply supporting them for now. That is not enough as it does not change the situation.

You know the world is full of bad people who would sell you over for a pack of gum. But it seems the two ISFJs are too afraid of imaginary conflict. This is ruining their chances for financial security. In the end their inability to protect their interests means they have to sacrifice their children's interests to fund some Te a-hole's sports car. I know they don't want that.

I was hoping you guys would give me the answer.

I also avoid conflict and am a push over, so I am not exaggerating here.

Ok, firstly, I'd like to apologize for my rather gruff response but your initial post came off as trolling so I responded accordingly. Sorry about that

As to your two friends: Speaking from my own experiences and why it is I might do that if I were in their situation, its either because I felt like I couldn't do better or I felt like what I got really wasn't that bad and I didn't want to rock the apple cart. Stability and security are very important to me and if I feel like I've got a sure thing going, I will often sacrifice my own happiness or pass up opportunities to better myself as the feeling of security outweighs the risk of losing what I have.

Not that thats necessarily rational or appropriate but its often how my thinking goes.

The most you could do for them is try to present them opportunities and appeal to their responsibilities to their families. You mentioned they had families in your post and appealing to their paternal or maternal (I don't know what genders these ISFJs are) instincts is a strong motivator.

Ultimately if they choose not too then its their choice and there isn't anything you can do about it. They have to want to better themselves and thats something only they can do.

 

[Giggly]

You know the world is full of bad people who would sell you over for a pack of gum. But it seems the two ISFJs are too afraid of imaginary conflict. This is ruining their chances for financial security. In the end their inability to protect their interests means they have to sacrifice their children's interests to fund some Te a-hole's sports car. I know they don't want that.

In this greedy corporate-driven society, aren't we all doing this?

As for avoiding conflict, ISFJs avoid it because they feel like the risk of them losing something they value is too high.

 

[highlander]

Whoever treats me well.

What specifically does treating you well mean? That is, what things would someone do that you would perceive as "treating you well"?

 

[Giggly]

What specifically does treating you well mean? That is, what things would someone do that you would perceive as "treating you well"?

By sincerely showing me that I am someone they value. There's a million different ways to show that depending on the circumstance but the best ways are the ways that I can recognize. I'd like for them to let me show them that I value them too. Consistency and loyalty means a lot to me too.

Disclaimer: I can't speak for all ISFJs.

 

[CreativeCait]

Are ISFJs likely to get offended or hurt if they suggest for you to do something a particular way and you reject their help? (because you value independence and doing things your own way). Apparently I hurt an ISFJs feelings doing this...

 

[Such Irony]

Are ISFJs likely to get offended or hurt if they suggest for you to do something a particular way and you reject their help? (because you value independence and doing things your own way). Apparently I hurt an ISFJs feelings doing this...

My XSFJ mom gets hurt when I refuse her offers for help.

 

[tinker683]

What specifically does treating you well mean? That is, what things would someone do that you would perceive as "treating you well"?

By sincerely showing me that I am someone they value. There's a million different ways to show that depending on the circumstance but the best ways are the ways that I can recognize. I'd like for them to let me show them that I value them too. Consistency and loyalty means a lot to me too.

Disclaimer: I can't speak for all ISFJs.

Exactly. Consistency is very important to me and consistently showing me you care goes a long way to ensuring my loyalty.

"Treating me well" for me means making sure that I know you care and going out of your way to show me when I need you too. Simply telling me "You're just going to have to believe me" rings very hollow when not backed up by actions.

Also: Do what you say . If what you say doesn't match up to your actions then I'm not going to trust you

Are ISFJs likely to get offended or hurt if they suggest for you to do something a particular way and you reject their help? (because you value independence and doing things your own way). Apparently I hurt an ISFJs feelings doing this...

Sometimes, not so much for me anymore. I've long since decided that its not my job to save stupid people from themselves. If I know I'm right and you're going to ignore my advice anyway, then I'll start making preparations as to what it is I'm going to need to do when you do inevitably march off that cliff. Maybe I'll get surprised and be wrong but it usually doesn't happen that way

 

[highlander]

By sincerely showing me that I am someone they value. There's a million different ways to show that depending on the circumstance but the best ways are the ways that I can recognize. I'd like for them to let me show them that I value them too. Consistency and loyalty means a lot to me too.

Disclaimer: I can't speak for all ISFJs.

Exactly. Consistency is very important to me and consistently showing me you care goes a long way to ensuring my loyalty.

"Treating me well" for me means making sure that I know you care and going out of your way to show me when I need you too. Simply telling me "You're just going to have to believe me" rings very hollow when not backed up by actions.

Also: Do what you say . If what you say doesn't match up to your actions then I'm not going to trust you

This is a good start. What are the million things that someone can do to show you they care - going out of their way to do so? There must be some common themes or examples you can provide. On this question of "show me you care," I believe different people want very different things.

Also, what do you mean by consistency? Consistency in what way?

 

[CreativeCait]

Sometimes, not so much for me anymore. I've long since decided that its not my job to save stupid people from themselves. If I know I'm right and you're going to ignore my advice anyway, then I'll start making preparations as to what it is I'm going to need to do when you do inevitably march off that cliff. Maybe I'll get surprised and be wrong but it usually doesn't happen that way

Oh, I should have explained better. It was over a very little thing. How I was packing up something. I didn't ask for help or advice but they were telling me how to do it. That's why I didn't think it was a big deal when I ignored it and said I was doing it a different way. I didn't think twice but later someone told me the ISFJ was upset over the way I reacted to their offer of help...