[ESFJ] Ask an ESFJ too!

[Saslou]

I don't like asking for help.
My mum is an ESFJ and people radiate to her and offer her support, it's pretty amazing watching it happen (she is more ESFJ than i am though).

"You're really sweet...you'd make a great con-man."

Lmao .. Potentially i could become a con-woman, coming across as kind etc but unfortunately i couldn't screw over another person, it wouldn't feel right and i wouldn't be able to sleep at night. Career criminal would not be my forte, it seems.

Edit - I recently asked for help, lol .. and it didn't feel as uncomfortable as i would of imagined. Hmmm.

 

[Tamske]

How would an evil ESFJ look like?
I'm not talking about the mother of the hero who hinders the quest by being too caring. I'm talking about ESFJ villains

 

[Saslou]

OK, seriously over analyzing now but can an ESFJ be a villain?

Any type can be unhealthy and potentially hurt another human being but villain, i am not sure. Just checked definition for clarity, a cruelly malicious person who is involved in or devoted to wickedness or crime, Maybe some others can comment on this but i could not be cruelly malicious to another human being, unless i am incredibly angry and provoked at which point, i'll spit my venom but i'll feel guilty for it later and probably not sleep that night, then contact the other person apologising for my outburst even if they may of deserved it.

 

[Saslou]

OK, seriously over analyzing now but can an ESFJ be a villain?

Any type can be unhealthy and potentially hurt another human being but villain, i am not sure. Just checked definition for clarity, a cruelly malicious person who is involved in or devoted to wickedness or crime, Maybe some others can comment on this but i could not be cruelly malicious to another human being, unless i am incredibly angry and provoked at which point, i'll spit my venom but i'll feel guilty for it later and probably not sleep that night, then contact the other person apologising for my outburst even if they may of deserved it.

 

[Vie]

My ESFJ roommate can be really fun at times, geniunly interested in what you are saying, emotionally there for you...

But man, she CAN NOT take any sort of criticism and when things do not go her way, she flips out! I've never seen someone act like such a child before, it's ridiculous. I'm curious if other ESFJs do this, or is this just her being a priss? And if you are like this, how does one suggest going about approaching an ESFJ when something needs to change or when, simply put, they are never going to get their way?

 

[Saslou]

I'm open to constructive criticism as long as it comes across as productive and not a means to make you feel better.

I have my moments of flipping out but experience has taught me to take 5 and calm down then address the situation.

 

[princessleia1982]

ENTP's, INFP's or ISFP's it depends on the kind of relationship you want...I will explain that better...
If you had to choose a marriage partner...which of the three relationships would you prefer that are listed below? I think these are the best possible matches available and yet each has a downfall and decide which one you could put up with for the next 50 years...post your opinion.





a. INFP. Their dominant function is well matched with a partner whose personality is dominated by the opposite bent of the same letter. Both have something to teach the other about their subject of interest. They enjoy the lesson. They share ideas well and are true mindmates.

Downfall: After the mirage wears off, the relationship no longer feels perfect and you start to see weaknesses and argue more. This doesn't mean you are any less compatible, it just means that your relationship may not be the most peaceful one.


b. ISFP. Their dominant function is well matched with a partner whose personality is dominated by the opposite bent of the same letter. Both are confident in the same areas so they strengthen one another's ego. This relationship is great for healing when insecure and unsure of yourself. There are hardly any differences of opinion or argument in this peaceful relationship. So they both have the same focus on life and they accept each other as they are.

Downfall: This combination is not the most passionate one and can sometimes get boring. It can also get stuck in a rut because it does not expect either one to change.

c. ENTP. -Best friends and lovers. Their primary function Fe is your tertiary function and your primary function Ne is their tertiary function so both will become a better person when together because they can help to strengthen each others weaknesses. This is a relatively peaceful relationship that encourages more than it degrades as you both strengthen your weaknesses just by being together. You are never bored together and fights end passionately with a deeper love and appreciation for each other. This match brings out your inner child and you will laugh more than you ever have in your life because it is very easy to have fun together. This connection does not lack in passion by any means. True soulmates of the heart!

Downfall: This relationship can leave you feeling like you are constantly improving but that may make you insecure like you are never good enough the way you are and at time when you need healing, this could be detrimental to your self esteem.

So pros and cons weighed...which one would you pick of the three?

 

[princessleia1982]

Which type am I supposed to be dating, as an ESFJ?

That last post was in response to you...and any other ESFJ's...

 

[Saslou]

Lol .. Until i have had 3 dates with each type to get a better understanding of them and what makes them tick, their likes and dislikes then i am not at liberty to choose just one at this present moment in time.

I wrote this to someone recently and i'll share it with you .. It's gooey and not my usual way of expressing myself but in an insight anyway

I want someone who can dissolve my worries, who i can open up to without the fear of being rejected or ridiculed, someone who will see my strengths and not focus on my weaknesses but instead will help me evolve with compassion.
I want to wake in the morning with a sense of utter bliss knowing that my heart could burst at any moment because the love i feel is so powerful, and i want this to be reciprocated. I want arguments to end when they do and not be used as a weapon in future disagreements, i want to live in the moment with my partner and not focus on the past or over analyse.
I want to communicate openly and freely when i feel wounded, but i'd like my partner to be able to do the same, I want everyday to be a blessing with the person i love. I want the other person to know that although i am not a poet, i dream of writing a sonnet that shakes my partner at their very core, if i were an actress, the part i played would move you to such a place, you'd cry. If i were a physicist, i would write the equation of our lasting love ..
But i am none of these things so i would like the other person to just know that although i don't express with great clarity my emotions/thoughts/feelings .. They are still there.

So which type could understand this and give me what i require??? Exactly.

 

[redcheerio]

deleted

 

[Haven]

yep, you seem to be naturally annoying to ESFJs

 

[IZthe411]

I've grown to discover that I'm least compatible with SFJs.

 

[Haven]

that may make life difficult for you at times, but it's not necessarily a bad thing.

I've had my own battles with them, and it's not fun.

 

[Giggly]

I've grown to discover that I'm least compatible with SFJs.

When this happens to me, it's so much easier to deal with it if I just don't like the person. But if I like the person, then it's really really hard for me to deal with and put to rest. I'm trying to get better with this because I'm learning that this is part of life.

 

[Haven]

Someone asked what a villainous ESFJ would be like. I have 2 examples.

From the Portal game series, GLaDOS is an ESFJ. She only wanted to help, and you killed her
From Sucker Punch the movie, it came out earlier this year, the guy that runs the burlesque house is an ESFJ. what a prick. (on second thought I'm not so sure about his type now)

 

[IZthe411]

that may make life difficult for you at times, but it's not necessarily a bad thing.

I've had my own battles with them, and it's not fun.

Definitely not bad- just an awareness that makes me stop and think twice before I react.

Like yesterday I told me SFJ friend that his hair was thinning. It wasn't said in a mean manner or anything- it was just an observation. He at first says it's the way his hair is cut. Then he defensively says 'Your hair is thinning too!". He takes a lot of things personally. He calls me blackhearted.

 

[IZthe411]

When this happens to me, it's so much easier to deal with it if I just don't like the person. But if I like the person, then it's really really hard for me to deal with and put to rest. I'm trying to get better with this because I'm learning that this is part of life.

Yes. Yes. Yes. Refer to my friend above.

I sometimes get into arguments with him due to his tendency to project his view onto my actions.

One time he almost broke his neck to adjust the timer on a light he installed on my back door. I literally had to yell at him to get down- the guy could have really hurt himself. He jumps down and gets in my face, because I yelled at him. Forget the fact you just made a stupid, life threatening move, and could have easily put your family at risk, and the fact you disrespected me and my home- the fact that I had to yell at you trumps all of that.

 

[Giggly]

On second thought, this sounds like love. Steamy love.

 

[IZthe411]

On second thought, this sounds like love. Steamy love.

Steamy broccoli love. YES

 

[Giggly]

With all due respect, IZ, if you told one of your female SFJ friends "You're getting fat" I assure you, it would not bode well. Heck if you told a female FP the same thing, it would also not bode well and you'd get the same response. Am I sensing sexism?