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[ISTJ] How to earn trust and respect back from ISTJ?

Twixt

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Oct 12, 2008
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91
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I've recently seriously pissed off my ISTJ teacher, incomplete work being the main issue. Once you've lost the trust and respect of an ISTJ, is there any way to gain it back? (besides, of course, clearing all backlog) If so, how?

I really need help with this! Thanks in advance.
 

BlackCat

Shaman
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Nov 19, 2008
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Your actions. Show them with tangible proof that you are trustworthy again. If your work is incomplete and that's why she has lost your respect, go up to her and explain why (yes, even if it was just laziness) and say that you will get it all done.
 

NewEra

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Dec 21, 2008
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^^Yes. Basically make sure you complete your work from now on. Also, don't expect the teacher to sympathize too much with you.
 

Cimarron

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Aug 21, 2008
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Plus consistency, which is why it may take time for the teacher to have faith in you. So "Prove it" and repeat several times.
 

Habba

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If you have done something wrong (or haven't done what was required of you), then just get it done right. I personally don't take apologies, if they are not backed-up with direct actions to fix the problem. But once the damages have been repaired, and you have proven that in future it won't happen again, I can forgive.

I think ISTJs will forgive quite easily, just as long as you show your willingness to play along.
 

luminous beam

♪♫♪♫♪♫
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since the ISTJ is your teacher, they have to revise your work etc. start turning in all your work on time form now on, perhaps do any extra credits if offered. don't expect them to sympathize at all if you're still being late or turning assignments in late. they will most likely just deduct points or fail you.
 

Stanton Moore

morose bourgeoisie
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Mar 4, 2009
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Physically dominate this person in a sporting event.

that will earn you respect.
 

raz

Let's make this showy!
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Nov 11, 2008
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Actions speak MUCH MUCH louder than words. You've essentially murdered his faith in you. Your only way to regain his trust is with sincere effort, excellent results and CONSISTENCY. I can't stress that enough. It's easy for someone to say anything in the spur of the moment or fake an action. However, it's nearly impossible for someone to make a sincere effort at doing something consistently, show good results and not be genuine about it.

If you have really done enough that he can't forgive you as "it was just a short ran mistake" then you are going to have to show consistency for a very long time. You have to rebuild the trust, and for ISTJs, it takes time...lots of it.
 

Slickness

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You can't :(

No I'm just kidding lol, but it is very hard to get me to forgive people, so yeah...I think you pretty much just screwed yourself there. He might forgive you, but he will never think of you the same way EVER again. Just explain to him why the work was incomplete, and remember to not inject any feelings into it, but at the same time, show him that you can do better. Hope this works out for you :)
 

Twixt

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Oct 12, 2008
Messages
91
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ISTP
Thanks guys!

Another question: what if you need help from an ISTJ after crossing them? :/

I've been trying to do my work and can do some of it, but for some its just like :wacko: .. No idea how to counter/fix the problem, and can't find nothing on the internet. I don't mean to clog this place with incessant personal junk, but does having crossed ISTJs mean I'm unlikely to be able to ask for help in future? Are ISTJ's likely to give help with stuff, even if its (shudder) overdue? And IF so, what's the best way to ask?

I'm guessing - straightforward, apologetic..? I don't want to hand in sub-standard work (I would hate that) but there's no other source from which I can get help that I can think of. Since our work is quite individualised, my classmates wouldn't really know how to help me.
 

raz

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If it were me as a teacher and this happened, it would go like this. The student doesn't do their work properly, and I lose trust in their ability to do work. However, I wouldn't let that affect my ability to relate on a person to person level with that person. If my time allowed for it, my job would still require that I offer help to students.

Don't be overly apologetic. To me, that shows a weakness that means you're not overly serious about the work. It only means you're concerned about fixing your good name. Be straightforward, sincere and professional. If you're sincere about doing better and show results of the fruits of your labor, that'll help to regain the trust.

Honestly, I don't think you've pissed him off too much. He'd have to be an unhealthy ISTJ to get seriously riled up over it. To ISTJs, work and emotional responses are separated. I'm not sure how other ISTJs handle it, but to me, remaining professional at work is more important than being emotional toward a student. It's more like you're wasting his time.

If you confront him about getting help, I would suggest:

- Be honest about how you're aware that your relationship has been affected recently
- Remain professional
- Be detailed about your desire to do better
- Explain measures you have personally taken to correct your mistakes on your own time

That's the best I can offer right now. For an ISTJ, it's about results and sincerity. The state of the personal relationship is the least of our concern unless it's affecting something tangible.
 

Lambchop

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Aug 13, 2009
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235
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Physically dominate this person in a sporting event.

that will earn you respect.

:yim_rolling_on_the_ This is EXACTLY the random, out of nowhere comment that would come from my INFP husband!!!
 

Lambchop

New member
Joined
Aug 13, 2009
Messages
235
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ISFJ
If it were me as a teacher and this happened, it would go like this. The student doesn't do their work properly, and I lose trust in their ability to do work. However, I wouldn't let that affect my ability to relate on a person to person level with that person. If my time allowed for it, my job would still require that I offer help to students.

Don't be overly apologetic. To me, that shows a weakness that means you're not overly serious about the work. It only means you're concerned about fixing your good name. Be straightforward, sincere and professional. If you're sincere about doing better and show results of the fruits of your labor, that'll help to regain the trust.

Honestly, I don't think you've pissed him off too much. He'd have to be an unhealthy ISTJ to get seriously riled up over it. To ISTJs, work and emotional responses are separated. I'm not sure how other ISTJs handle it, but to me, remaining professional at work is more important than being emotional toward a student. It's more like you're wasting his time.

If you confront him about getting help, I would suggest:

- Be honest about how you're aware that your relationship has been affected recently
- Remain professional
- Be detailed about your desire to do better
- Explain measures you have personally taken to correct your mistakes on your own time

That's the best I can offer right now. For an ISTJ, it's about results and sincerity. The state of the personal relationship is the least of our concern unless it's affecting something tangible.

I recently had a dispute with my ISTJ boss and this advice came in very handy!:cheese:
 
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