Ooh, leave handling the ESFJ's to me!
She will no doubt listen to you in normal conversation. It may help a lot to get each other on a base of respect. Acknowledging and accepting you two are different is the first step to charming an ESFJ.
I find ESFJ's to be the most unreasonable and stubborn sort of people in most arguements. But in a cute way. I admire their persistance. And they usually don't mean harm at all. They're just, outspoken. If you can accept that and live with that. Maybe brush it of with humor and try to have some laughs. You'll be perfectly capable of living together.
Just get on a common ground in normal conversation first. Trying to understand why you two are the way you are. ESFJ's are full of potential respect, but you do have to tap into it first.
edit: Either way, they seem impossible creatures sometimes, especially towards us N's. But they're still quite warm on the inside.