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[ISTJ] regrets for an ISTJ (sleeping with one's ex)

Dizzy

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I tend to live orderly, eat healthy, work hard, go to the gym at least four times per week. In the weekends I allow myself to let go and drink with my friends. It seems then I get to the opposite of my character, I let go, cross borders, go all the way.
Past friday I ended up with someone's ex-girlfriend and spend the night with her after a party. I know her ex for like two years, and they have been separated ever since. When she invited me in, I told her: I don't think that is a good idea, I should go now. She replied: but we can only talk and sleep. Well, that sounded reasonable. One thing led to another, borders were crossed.

The day after, the feeling over regrets were just overwhelming. My core value is loyalty & responsibility. But the things I have done were quite the opposite. I have called her ex-boyfriend and told him about what happened. He is all but happy and he has his reasons too. I took full responsibility.

I feel bad, normally I seldom regret things because my choices are logical and rational. When I let things go, things are quite the opposite. I feel bad for her ex. But also because I fear for my reputation. I have broken with my core values, this is so not me.

Anyone resembles this? Anyone, offer me some support
 

Valiant

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This kind of shit happens sometimes. Usually when one has other, bigger, emotional problems etc.
Maybe you know what it is, maybe you don't.
I usually don't, until afterwards. Had this bigass bundle of bad going on from january to may.
Lost my girlfriend and my grandfather died within like a months time. It kinda caused me to drink and feel sorry for myself.
Everything is justified when you're feeling sorry for yourself.
Most killers, dictators and other evil sons of bitches feel sorry for themselves, and justify just about anything with this.


I've done this exact thing that you're talking about once, and I still feel like shit over it.
Even though the guy was over her long ago.

I wonder if this is related to having weak Introverted Feeling or something?
 
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Um. It seems to be related to alcohol. I don't understand why people would drink while feeling emotionally unbalanced. What good do you expect it to bring? I think, best case scenario, you pass out. But you could easily ask a friend to do an Anaconda choke on you and you'd be out!

God knows I've done some stupid stuff while drunk, but it seems like you were able to reason during the influence of alcohol and female charms. I think you did the right thing by telling your friend, very responsible. Now, all you can do is wait it out and not see that witchy-poo for a while. I think letting your friend know you're sorry is good, but don't push it on him. Let him take his own time to deal.
 

Dizzy

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I hope time will heal things. I don't feel sorry for myself. I regret things.I am not emotionally unbalanced, i think...
 
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I hope time will heal things. I don't feel sorry for myself. I regret things.I am not emotionally unbalanced, i think...

You don't seem to be. I was referring to Jesus. After all he's been through - he's gotta have some scars on his soul.
 

Moiety

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I'm not sure I'm following. What do you regret exactly? They are no longer together, right? Or am I getting something wrong here?
 

Oaky

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I'm not sure I'm following. What do you regret exactly? They are no longer together, right? Or am I getting something wrong here?
This is bound to happen. An ENFP trying to understand an ISTJ.
 

Moiety

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This is bound to happen. An ENFP trying to understand an ISTJ.

:p

I'm trying to understand exactly what value was violated here. No one-night-stands? Sleeping with someone who's had past relationships?

Or is it just because he happened to know the ex, and for some reason you aren't allowed to sleep with the ex of someone you know? (he didn't specify whether this guy is his friend or not)
 

Valiant

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You don't seem to be. I was referring to Jesus. After all he's been through - he's gotta have some scars on his soul.

Of course I have. Don't we all?
But, like most things. Shitstorms blow over, too. :)
Scars, yep, but i've dealt with most things, and the rest is under way.
Good ol' Fi practice ;)
I'm thinking I might be a better and more emotional person than before.
That's a double-edged sword, though :D

Anyway. Bad shit always happens everyone, in some form or another.
It is always bad. Turning it around and making it into something good, on the other hand...
That's good.
 

Dizzy

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I know her ex, he's a friend of friends, know him pretty well, meet him every other week on these parties. I know the both of them since they are apart. I know since they broke up they still met occasionally, but that has ended for as far as I know.
Anyway just got this text message: lost my best friend (her), she is not slut you can take whenever you feel like it...
PFff
 

Oaky

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:p

I'm trying to understand exactly what value was violated here. No one-night-stands? Sleeping with someone who's had past relationships?

Or is it just because he happened to know the ex, and for some reason you aren't allowed to sleep with the ex of someone you know? (he didn't specify whether this guy is his friend or not)
He felt he had broken his loyalty. Because of that he felt he was irresponsible. They go against the principles of an ISTJ.
Why he broke his loyalty?

Your friend breaks up with a girl
Your friend hates that girl
You sleep with the girl
Your friend feels betrayed
You broke your loyalty
Your friend hates you

Is that right Dizzy?
 

Moiety

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Katsuki, I get it. Well, now that I know the guy is his friend anyway.Still, they didn't just break up. Its been two years.


I know her ex, he's a friend of friends, know him pretty well, meet him every other week on these parties. I know the both of them since they are apart. I know since they broke up they still met occasionally, but that has ended for as far as I know.
Anyway just got this text message: lost my best friend (her), she is not slut you can take whenever you feel like it...
PFff

Unfortunately for him, he has no say in any of it. If there are unresolved issues let him take it up with her. The woman is not his propriety.



Edited to add: I guess what makes all the difference for me is whether or not me and the other guy were really friends. I didn't understand the issue at first because I didn't get you guys were actually friends.
 

Dizzy

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thanks for the replies, writing 'bout it helps.
still feel bad though...
 

MacGuffin

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I know her ex, he's a friend of friends, know him pretty well, meet him every other week on these parties. I know the both of them since they are apart. I know since they broke up they still met occasionally, but that has ended for as far as I know.
Anyway just got this text message: lost my best friend (her), she is not slut you can take whenever you feel like it...
PFff

I'm confused.

You lost your best friend? How does this best friend fit into the situation?
 
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Anyway just got this text message: lost my best friend (her), she is not slut you can take whenever you feel like it...
PFff

To be fair, she was the one insisting that you'd come inside and stay the night, right? You guys are equally bad. It's unfair of your friend (male) to only put the blame/shame on you. Granted, I don't know if he's punishing her the way he's punishing you. If he's not, maybe he's not over her. Which would put things in perspective.
 
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Also, personally, I think it's only fair that your friend (male) should get over himself a bit. I mean, they are broken up. She's fair game. I know you guys are friends, and there a code or whatever. And it it's a bit tacky to hook up with your friends ex. Bit still, he can't be completely pissed at you, as if you had slept with his girlfriend.
 

Dizzy

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I'm confused.

You lost your best friend? How does this best friend fit into the situation?

no he says he lost his best friend (meaning the his ex girlfriend), because now he doesn't want to see her anymore

aii
 
T

ThatGirl

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I personally think it was fucked up and disrespectful for you to disclose someone else's (the girl) sex life, by telling your friends what happened.

Lol, no one is even asking about how she took all this.
 

swordpath

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You fucked up? Yeah, happens all the time. Welcome to humanity.
 
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