[MBTI General] STJs and the social rules

[sciski]

Hello.

I'm interested in what STJs think of social rules, manners, etc. When do you tend to follow them, and what would make you go against such rules? How important are the social rules to you? I'm very curious about the interplay between Te and Fe.

 

[d@v3]

I try to follow social "norms" (i.e. the social clock) but "rules".... not really. Depends on what they are.

 

[sciski]

I'm happy for you to define what you see as a social rule vs a social norm! That's part of what will help me understand how you guys tick.

Also, what's the social clock?

 

[Quinlan]

My STJ Aunt is obsessed with people have kids at the "right" age, marrying at the "right" time, having a "proper" career and living in the "right" neighbourhood. It's so totally foreign to me.

She followed all the do and don'ts in the book and now her life is a mess, doesn't stop her from preaching to others though.

Sorry bit of a rant there...

 

[/DG/]

Well, if I was walking down the street and someone decided to randomly start stripping in front of me, I'd probably think they were a little strange. Like d@ve said, there's a difference between social "norms" and social "rules." I'm not really sure what anyone would define as social "rules." :/

 

[EJCC]

Yeah, the phrase "social rules" makes me think that there's a rulebook out there or something. Maybe debutantes have that sort of thing, but STJs don't. If we do, it's completely internalized, and we don't think about it at all unless something violates it, e.g. someone randomly stripping on the street. That's when we'd go "Waitaminute - that's not normal!" (As opposed to SPs, who might respond with a "Sweet! That person is my hero." ) But SFJs do this too, in my experience.
HOWEVER, if all of my friends are doing something that violates a social norm, or if I think the rule is inherently unfair, I'm more likely to break that rule. Some lines (usually relating to modesty or lack thereof) I simply refuse to cross. With others, given enough time and pressure, I may relent. Reluctantly.

 

[IZthe411]

Social Rules- yes, because most likely they are fair and the right thing to do- treating others fairly.

Social Norms- not really. I won't do something because it's expected that I do it, especially with dating. If there's no feeling behind it, I won't do it. I won't buy somebody a gift on Valentine's day because it's Valentine's day. There's nothing significant about that day- just a scheduled day in the random month of February to get you to spend money.

 

[poppy]

My ISTJ said the cutest thing tonight. She was talking about how she didn't know what to do about her boyfriend (they're in a rough patch) and she said, "I dunno what to do. Where's the rulebook!?" As much as she doesn't want to do things because of outside expectations, it's clear that she has a strong idea of how things should be. She expects her boyfriend to call her every day (they live in different cities), to choose to talk to her over spending time with his friends, she gets really annoyed when other couples engage in excessive PDA, pretty normal things but she is very adamant about them, to a point that I don't really understand. She definitely appreciates social norms, but when she sees them violated, she doesn't react to it in an emotional way like I've seen with ISFJs, but in a "Why would anyone even do that?" way.

 

[WickedQueen]

When do you tend to follow them?

If the "rules" give benefit for people and it make sense.

what would make you go against such rules?

If it violate people and it doesn't make sense.

How important are the social rules to you?

As long as it keeps people respect each other.



.

 

[Sam Spade]

It really depends on the social setting. For example, I tend to follow established social rules at work, around those in authority, friends, etc. I tend to follow archaic Emily Post-syle rules of etiquette, etc.

However, if you mean the unspoken social rules espoused by my fellow students, I tend to ignore them or openly hold them in contempt.

 

[Snow Turtle]

ISFJ here but I'm curious whether ISTJs find it amusing to watch people break small social norms and the various reactions that result from such event. What would you honestly be thinking if you saw someone start stripping?

 

[NewEra]

I'm interested in what STJs think of social rules, manners, etc. When do you tend to follow them, and what would make you go against such rules? How important are the social rules to you? I'm very curious about the interplay between Te and Fe.

By 'social rules', do you mean like don't commit murder or something? Because if it's a rule like that, then I'm all for it. I want to see what the distinction is between social rules and social norms before I can fully answer these questions.

If I have to act in front of people that matter towards my job or something important, then I'm gonna be polite and have certain manners.

ISFJ here but I'm curious whether ISTJs find it amusing to watch people break small social norms and the various reactions that result from such event. What would you honestly be thinking if you saw someone start stripping?

If it was an attractive woman, I would like her to continue. Otherwise, I would just leave the area.

 

[sciski]

Thanks for the responses so far. I've tried to define what I mean by social norms vs rules... harder than I thought it would be!

If you break a social norm, you're just a strange eccentric character or someone who marches to the beat of their own drum. But if you break something that's a social rule instead, you get punished in some way (usually because you've offended someone).

An example of an unwritten social rule is a requirement that you travel across the country to attend the wedding of a distant cousin that you don't have any particular feelings for, but your grandmother would be offended if you didn't go (and punish you by withholding cookies or something similar).

Does that give you some sort of indication?

I'm also fascinated by the random stripping discussion, so pls continue.