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[ISTJ] ISTJ- How do you know you are in love?

IZthe411

Carerra Lu
Joined
Jul 19, 2009
Messages
2,585
MBTI Type
INTJ
I don't know if this is something that I can logically define and understand like I do everything else;

I've been dating this girl (ISFP) and I think I'm in love, but I don't know. Most people, when they define love it's feelings based (the sun shines, the birds sing, that uncontrollable smile, etc etc etc). I'm not and have never reacted that way to anything. I do care about her, and despite some of the mental battles I go through when making time to be with her (sometimes I just don't feel like it), we end up having a good time together. She doesn't require too much touchy feeling interaction (although I feel she's holding back and would like more than I give- she says she's fine).

I go from really digging her, to being annoyed, to feeling comfort, to wondering if she's 'the one'. From what I read here, I'm not alone in my quest to analyze everything to death, but with love it seems like you can't analyze it all, because another person's involved and you don't know and won't know it all about that person in a reasonable amount of time, before they'll be fed up and leave you LOL.

A good friend of mine - don't know his MBTI, but he said he wasn't one of those guys who is head over heels in love, but rationalized that if it's worth more to be with her than without her, then he had his answer. They've been married for about 5 years, and 2 kids, and he's happy.

So my fellow ISTJs, and the Ns that will come in even though you aren't 'officially' invited (Ns run amuck in these forums), how do you know you are in love?
 

Saslou

New member
Joined
Feb 1, 2009
Messages
4,910
MBTI Type
ESFJ
I go from really digging her, to being annoyed, to feeling comfort, to wondering if she's 'the one'.


Well i am not an ISTJ or an N, but i'll still give you my 2 cents ;).
I can love someone but not feel all lovey dovey all the time. I do have moments where i take a step back as it hits me like a ton of bricks sometimes. Usually though i am in neutral, you know i love you as i'm still around and doing things for you.
I know i love the other person but like yourself, i have those moments as explained above apart from the last one.
I rationalised it to myself a long time ago 'Thats why i like that my partner is also my friend so on days when i look at him and think Arrrgghhhh, your still my friend so i'll show you respect then on the even better days, your my partner and i love you to bits'.
 

IZthe411

Carerra Lu
Joined
Jul 19, 2009
Messages
2,585
MBTI Type
INTJ
Well i am not an ISTJ or an N, but i'll still give you my 2 cents ;).
I can love someone but not feel all lovey dovey all the time. I do have moments where i take a step back as it hits me like a ton of bricks sometimes. Usually though i am in neutral, you know i love you as i'm still around and doing things for you.
I know i love the other person but like yourself, i have those moments as explained above apart from the last one.
I rationalised it to myself a long time ago 'Thats why i like that my partner is also my friend so on days when i look at him and think Arrrgghhhh, your still my friend so i'll show you respect then on the even better days, your my partner and i love you to bits'.

Are you a Male or Female?
 

IZthe411

Carerra Lu
Joined
Jul 19, 2009
Messages
2,585
MBTI Type
INTJ
Take a look at my profile and see my picture. Possibly saslou is short for Sarah Louise ;)

What you like????

LOL Nice picture, btw.....I thought the avatar pic was your profile pic as well. I was like, I can't distinguish a male from a female truck LOL.

Not sure what you mean by 'What you like?'
 

Saslou

New member
Joined
Feb 1, 2009
Messages
4,910
MBTI Type
ESFJ
LOL Nice picture, btw.....I thought the avatar pic was your profile pic as well. I was like, I can't distinguish a male from a female truck LOL.

Not sure what you mean by 'What you like?'

Thank you very much. The truck is symbolic with regards to appearances etc. Maybe a female truck would be pink *cringes*.

'What you like' is an English thing, its just a polite way of saying 'Your crazy'.
:D
 

IZthe411

Carerra Lu
Joined
Jul 19, 2009
Messages
2,585
MBTI Type
INTJ
Thank you very much. The truck is symbolic with regards to appearances etc. Maybe a female truck would be pink *cringes*.

'What you like' is an English thing, its just a polite way of saying 'Your crazy'.
:D



LOL I guess pink isn't your thing?

Thanks for the 'compliment' :huh:
:cheese:
 

Saslou

New member
Joined
Feb 1, 2009
Messages
4,910
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ESFJ
LOL I guess pink isn't your thing?

Thanks for the 'compliment' :huh:
:cheese:

Pink .. :yim_rolling_on_the_ .. No. I have the manners of a lady whilst in certain company, but i enjoy being one of the lads. Hence the short hair, no make-up and the truck for an avatar.

Lets talk about you .. Likes/dislikes. How long you been with the Mrs. That sort of stuf. Goooooo. :)
 

d@v3

Perfect Gentleman! =D
Joined
Nov 20, 2008
Messages
2,830
MBTI Type
ISTJ
I'm not sure if this "love" thing is real, let alone knowing whether you're "in" it or not! I'll have to get back to you [in a few hundred years]. ;)

Though I guess if you are both truly happy, that might be a clue? :huh:
 

IZthe411

Carerra Lu
Joined
Jul 19, 2009
Messages
2,585
MBTI Type
INTJ
Pink .. :yim_rolling_on_the_ .. No. I have the manners of a lady whilst in certain company, but i enjoy being one of the lads. Hence the short hair, no make-up and the truck for an avatar.

Lets talk about you .. Likes/dislikes. How long you been with the Mrs. That sort of stuf. Goooooo. :)

LOL

Wow- that's a wide open question.....don't you know ISTJs like, no love, no- strive on- STRUCTURE?

I like things to make sense, more or less. Don't put blue in front of me and say it's somehow red. NOOOOOOSIRREEEEEBOB. I'm probably the typical ISTJ, except I don't mindbeing around people. Only when I know I need some me time is when I want and need to be alone.

Me and the mrs have known each other since 2001. We have always 'liked' each other, but for various reasons, we've never really come together over the years. We were always the 2 that everybody thought would be good together, but it never happened. Then in November 2007 I asked her to be my girlfriend- and she told me 'I don't think it would work'. I asked "Why"- she said "I just don't think it's going to work". Fast forward to June 2008. She asks me to lunch and eventually I ask her if she's seeing anyone (I pretty much put her in the 'associate' zone after she told me no, so we haven't talked much at this point). After a few more questions I see she invited me to lunch so that I could ask her out, and I fell for it!!!! :steam:

Long story short- she saw how much I loved my job, and she didn't want to be second to a job - I was a cpa at a big 4 acct firm. She couldn't tell me that was why she didn't see us working out. Well I didn't believe her, so between June 2008 and now we've went from me feeling her out to make sure that was the truth and not some BS, to her realizing that she wasn't going to smile or bat her eyes out of a situation (her former bfs were suckers for that stuff- I wasn't.), to me understanding that as an ISTJ, I had a lot of quirks, and her FP brought them all to the forefront, to now us really spending time together and figuring stuff out.
 

IZthe411

Carerra Lu
Joined
Jul 19, 2009
Messages
2,585
MBTI Type
INTJ
I'm not sure if this "love" thing is real, let alone knowing whether you're "in" it or not! I'll have to get back to you [in a few hundred years]. ;)

Though I guess if you are both truly happy, that might be a clue? :huh:

How do you define happy? LOL.
I'm not sure what to expect, man. I'm hoping to get some feedback from ISTJs. I mean, there's nothing wrong with her. She works my nerves, but it's nothing she's doing intentionally. It's just that I've never been in a serious relatonship before, so she's putting me through things most guys have worked through over years of time.
 

Saslou

New member
Joined
Feb 1, 2009
Messages
4,910
MBTI Type
ESFJ
LOL

Wow- that's a wide open question.....don't you know ISTJs like, no love, no- strive on- STRUCTURE?

I like things to make sense, more or less. Don't put blue in front of me and say it's somehow red. NOOOOOOSIRREEEEEBOB. I'm probably the typical ISTJ, except I don't mindbeing around people. Only when I know I need some me time is when I want and need to be alone.

Me and the mrs have known each other since 2001. We have always 'liked' each other, but for various reasons, we've never really come together over the years. We were always the 2 that everybody thought would be good together, but it never happened. Then in November 2007 I asked her to be my girlfriend- and she told me 'I don't think it would work'. I asked "Why"- she said "I just don't think it's going to work". Fast forward to June 2008. She asks me to lunch and eventually I ask her if she's seeing anyone (I pretty much put her in the 'associate' zone after she told me no, so we haven't talked much at this point). After a few more questions I see she invited me to lunch so that I could ask her out, and I fell for it!!!! :steam:

Long story short- she saw how much I loved my job, and she didn't want to be second to a job - I was a cpa at a big 4 acct firm. She couldn't tell me that was why she didn't see us working out. Well I didn't believe her, so between June 2008 and now we've went from me feeling her out to make sure that was the truth and not some BS, to her realizing that she wasn't going to smile or bat her eyes out of a situation (her former bfs were suckers for that stuff- I wasn't.), to me understanding that as an ISTJ, I had a lot of quirks, and her FP brought them all to the forefront, to now us really spending time together and figuring stuff out.

That is sooo cool. I do hope everything continues to work out for you both.
Wide open question, gives you options. As you can see i like people, so i ask question, some people get uncomfortable with it, some don't. I just take that risk and hope for the best.
What is a CPA??? Fancy word for an accountant.
Where in the world are you? How old?

This would be so much easier if you added these details to your profile. I feel like i am over probing you now. Lol.
 

Bubbles

See Right Through Me
Joined
Mar 13, 2009
Messages
1,037
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
4w3
In my experience with ISTJs, you feel love differently than most types. Er, I might be wrong, but here's my observation:

For most people in this world, commitment is difficult, but love is easy. It is so, so easy to fall in love with someone...but for some reason, you SJs are the crazy bunch that finds it easier to commit first, love later. And that's fine, y'know? But it makes you worry too much about silly things in relationships, overthinking if you're commiting to the right person. One SJ friend of mine in particular did this for a month before realizing she loved her bf. *sigh*

Anyway. A useless N's opinion. :)
 

IZthe411

Carerra Lu
Joined
Jul 19, 2009
Messages
2,585
MBTI Type
INTJ
That is sooo cool. I do hope everything continues to work out for you both.
Wide open question, gives you options. As you can see i like people, so i ask question, some people get uncomfortable with it, some don't. I just take that risk and hope for the best.
What is a CPA??? Fancy word for an accountant.
Where in the world are you? How old?

This would be so much easier if you added these details to your profile. I feel like i am over probing you now. Lol.

Sorry I didn't set up my profile yet.
CPA is a certified public accountant- I have a licence to practice accouting in the State of Pennsylvania in the USA.

I'm 31 and live in Pennsylvania.

I'll set my profile up to help you out! LOL
 

IZthe411

Carerra Lu
Joined
Jul 19, 2009
Messages
2,585
MBTI Type
INTJ
In my experience with ISTJs, you feel love differently than most types. Er, I might be wrong, but here's my observation:

For most people in this world, commitment is difficult, but love is easy. It is so, so easy to fall in love with someone...but for some reason, you SJs are the crazy bunch that finds it easier to commit first, love later. And that's fine, y'know? But it makes you worry too much about silly things in relationships, overthinking if you're commiting to the right person. One SJ friend of mine in particular did this for a month before realizing she loved her bf. *sigh*

Anyway. A useless N's opinion. :)


Thank you Bubbles!
Most Ns come in with some inexplicable rationalization that I cannot relate to, but that was very concrete.

You are right, I'm about the commitment first, then grow into love, but since everyone is love first, work it out later, all the feedback and advice is based on that. I feel that love grows, so it's not something that is anywhere near mature at the point you say 'I do' or even put a ring on her finger.
 

Rachelinpa

New member
Joined
Aug 4, 2008
Messages
878
MBTI Type
ENFP
Most Ns come in with some inexplicable rationalization that I cannot relate to, but that was very concrete.

Wheee! Yes! ISTJs in Philly. You guys are everywhere. My roommate is a CPA too!
 

IZthe411

Carerra Lu
Joined
Jul 19, 2009
Messages
2,585
MBTI Type
INTJ
Wheee! Yes! ISTJs in Philly. You guys are everywhere. My roommate is a CPA too!

PA Represent!!!

What's up?

Where are you at in PA?

My sister's who's about 16 months younger than I am, is an ENFP. She drove me NUTS when we were younger! now we're older, I see that we are complete opposites, and it all makes sense!! LOL
 

Giggly

No moss growing on me
Joined
Jun 12, 2008
Messages
9,661
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iSFj
Enneagram
2
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
I suppose you want us to tell you that ISTJs just don't fall in love?
 

IZthe411

Carerra Lu
Joined
Jul 19, 2009
Messages
2,585
MBTI Type
INTJ
I suppose you want us to tell you that ISTJs just don't fall in love?

Nah, not at all. As with everything, I'm trying to understand. The more informed I am the better I am with approaching a situation.

I am not running from it.
 

Giggly

No moss growing on me
Joined
Jun 12, 2008
Messages
9,661
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iSFj
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2
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
Nah, not at all. As with everything, I'm trying to understand. The more informed I am the better I am with approaching a situation.

I am not running from it.

Do you want to know if you can fall in love over time? Yes, yes, you can. It helps a lot if you turn what you perceive to be negative traits about her into positive traits. You do this within yourself, or within your own mind.
 
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