[SJ] SJ's & Dating Standards?

[d@v3]

All right, let's hear it SJ's! What are your specific standards for a potential husband/wife or boyfriend/girlfriend? These can be mental,physical,educational, etc... What about age? Working salary?

I guess this is kind of like building your perfect mate. What characteristics would you prefer? Do you think you will ever meet anyone with these exact qualities?

 

[Matthew_Z]

I try to not place standards. Rather, I let relationships develop as they will and address potential problems as they come up.

 

[Saslou]

Lmao. Firstly, my standards are so incredibly high, i can only be disappointed. I am working on that one.
My ideal bloke is not out there. If he is however, he would be knowledgable, witty, good sense of humour, able to have a good time on occasion. Not a hopeless romantic, but knows how to make me feel *sigh*.
He doesn't need to have a great job, but he does have to pay his share of the bills. He must have a drive to better himself and not be morally corrupt.
Looks are not important but all arms and legs are a bonus. Lol. Ideally stocky but not fat. Nice hands, body hair does not bother me, infact there is nothing better than lying in bed with my head on his chest playing with his chest hair. Good hygiene.

Think that is about it. I don't ask for alot.

 

[swordpath]

Sense of humor, sweet and compassionate, stable and dependable, imaginative and expressive, cute, compatible.

Where are you woman?!

 

[d@v3]

I try to not place standards. Rather, I let relationships develop as they will and address potential problems as they come up.

How noble of you, Matthew. (I realize this is probably the "normal/right" thing to do.) But it is difficult, for me at least.


Yeah, my standards are quite high. I know it probably isn't fair, sometimes I wish they weren't so high. Because between them and the fact that I am much too quiet/shy, I will probably never get what I want. In fact, that is almost a concern at this point, I don't want to be stuck with some bitch girl who feels the need to control everything that moves- or even worse, find a girl who doesn't "feel" at all!

But! As I have been on this site for a surprisingly long time now, there have definitely been more than a few girls on here (or ARE on here) that I have met whom I wouldn't mind taking on a date at least once, I mean, that actually fit all (or close to all) of the standards I have set.

I'll post my standards soon...

 

[jazzyidahovandal]

I usually give people a chance. For instance, I hate smoking. My current bf is a smoker and is in the process of quitting again. I gave him a chance, despite this and some other crappy things he did in the past. All that mattered was how he treated me and how he treats other people. He has treated me better than any of the other guys I've been with.

 

[Saslou]

How noble of you, Matthew. (I realize this is probably the "normal/right" thing to do.) But it is difficult, for me at least.


Yeah, my standards are quite high. I know it probably isn't fair, sometimes I wish they weren't so high. Because between them and the fact that I am much too quiet/shy, I will probably never get what I want. In fact, that is almost a concern at this point, I don't want to be stuck with some bitch girl who feels the need to control everything that moves- or even worse, find a girl who doesn't "feel" at all!

But! As I have been on this site for a surprisingly long time now, there have definitely been more than a few girls on here (or ARE on here) that I have met whom I wouldn't mind taking on a date at least once, I mean, that actually fit all (or close to all) of the standards I have set.

I'll post my standards soon...

You are quite right d@v3, Matthews views sounds ideal. I thinks its OK to have your standards, but if you bump into that someone and that voice is screaming in your head to make a move, you don't think about your standards then, you just go for it.
From what i have just said, i think i will lower mine considerably.

 

[Recoleta]

I really don't have a list of standards that I hold people to...that just leads to disappointment. Generally, a guy has to be within my sphere of daily life for me to even notice him. Usually I just begin by observing him while I get to know him...if he passes the observation stage and I like what I see, things may move further along as time passes.

As for, "What do I like to see?," I guess what I look for is kindness, a sense of humor, confidence, decisiveness, and other qualities that match my own general outlook on life.

 

[Eiddy]

I really don't have a list of standards that I hold people to...that just leads to disappointment. Generally, a guy has to be within my sphere of daily life for me to even notice him. Usually I just begin by observing him while I get to know him...if he passes the observation stage and I like what I see, things may move further along as time passes.

As for, "What do I like to see?," I guess what I look for is kindness, a sense of humor, confidence, decisiveness, and other qualities that match my own general outlook on life.

+10

 

[raz]

So many standards you read are such...external standards. Bleh, I guess it's necessary as an SJ, but I tend to look at my more intimate relationships with the introverted judgment rather than extraverted judgment.

 

[wrldisquiethere]

All right, let's hear it SJ's! What are your specific standards for a potential husband/wife or boyfriend/girlfriend? These can be mental,physical,educational, etc... What about age? Working salary?

I guess this is kind of like building your perfect mate. What characteristics would you prefer? Do you think you will ever meet anyone with these exact qualities?

My standards are pretty high. Compatibility in many areas is important to me.

• Like faith and similar values
• Physically attractive (to me)
• Interesting personality
• Similar or compatible goals
• Similar ideas in things such as child rearing, managing finances, and others
• Mutual interests
• Close friendship and companionship
• Chemistry, compatability in physical affection
• Not showy/gushy/extravagant with romantic gestures, but still knows how to make me feel special

I haven't dated much because I didn't see the point in wasting time and emotion on someone I knew I wouldn't be happy with. For a long, long time I didn't think I would find anyone, but I found him! And who it was ended up being quite a surprise to me, because we were casual friends and it just kind of snuck up on me until I realized that he had everything I was looking for.

 

[spirilis]

Along the same topic-

Question: What are your standards regarding the dating process, and various progress points along the way? E.g. sex before marriage, moving in before marriage (wait until you're engaged or forget about it until you're married?), even simple matters like letting him/her stay over for the night, who pays for the dates, etc?

 

[d@v3]

Along the same topic-

Question: What are your standards regarding the dating process, and various progress points along the way? E.g. sex before marriage, moving in before marriage (wait until you're engaged or forget about it until you're married?), even simple matters like letting him/her stay over for the night, who pays for the dates, etc?

Well, I'm not for the whole sex before marriage thing. It just seems like it would complicate things, besides, it is an extra "motivation" to actually tying the knot.

I would pay for the dates, or AT LEAST half, if she wouldn't let me pay for all of it. (This helps show her that I am financially stable and able to support her.)

Staying over night? I don't have a problem with that- as long as it is just "staying over night" and nothing more. I mean, what's wrong with that? Chances are neither of us would sleep anyway, we would just lay on the couch and watch tv or something, right?

As for my *shamefully* high standards :rolli: (and yes, most of these are flexible):
1) Compatibility- Same Religion, Similar Moral Values, Preferrably same political views and similar views on how to raise a family.

2) Preferrably shorter than me, doesn't matter by how much.

3) +/- ~2 to 3 yrs. my age, (preferrably -~2 to 3)

4) Must be physically attractive (to me): Which would probably mean she would be average weight or less, (not too large, not too small).

5) She must be kind (not a bitch), hard working (when/if necessary), loyal, compassionate to others, ehh... you know, all the chracteristics any guy would want out of his lady. Ah yes, she MUST like the outdoors and be somewhat of a conservationist, as I am an outdoorsman. Liking old cars is a plus too.

I think that's everything. So yeah, I'm pretty much never going to find a girl. What a dissapointment!

 

[wrldisquiethere]

Along the same topic-

Question: What are your standards regarding the dating process, and various progress points along the way? E.g. sex before marriage, moving in before marriage (wait until you're engaged or forget about it until you're married?), even simple matters like letting him/her stay over for the night, who pays for the dates, etc?

I am not afraid to initiate, but in my experience it works better for me when the guy initiates in the steps of emotional intimacy in a relationship. I prefer for him to ask out, him to define the relationship, him to propose with no pressure from me, etc.

I have made the choice to save sex for marriage and have held out for 26 years. I have many reasons for doing so.

Moving in and MOST instances of staying over for the night (there are some exceptions) are going to make it harder to be faithful to my values of saving sex for marriages. So in most cases, I don't believe it's the best choice.

I prefer for the guy to pay for more than I do, but to also let me treat him sometimes. I dislike being showered with gifts (although traditional gifts like flowers make me ) or taken on extravagant expensive dates. I feel bad having a lot of money spent on me so I prefer to keep things simple and don't mind dates that consist of an inexpensive sit-down dinner followed by a long walk in the park.

 

[raz]

OMG, it's an ESFJ!

 

[Matthew_Z]

OMG, it's an ESFJ!

So they DO exist.

 

[d@v3]

So they DO exist.

I always thought they were a myth, like the ENFP's and their imaginary unicorns!

 

[Saslou]

Along the same topic-

What are your standards regarding the dating process, and various progress points along the way?

I don't mind making the first move, if i get that feeling. Dating, well i don't mind trying anything once. I just take it as it comes.

sex before marriage,

Oh my gosh. Yes, being married to someone you are not sexually compatible is not a good thing, better to test the water first.

moving in before marriage (wait until you're engaged or forget about it until you're married?),

Again, most definitely, he may have awful habits in the house that may drive me insane.

even simple matters like letting him/her stay over for the night,

Yes please.

who pays for the dates, etc?

50/50 all the way. I used to pay for everything, but that's going to change as people just take the piss.

 

[Take Five]

My ideal girl would be:
1) attractive- a little shorter than me, preferably bunette, good hygiene

2) same religion and moral values

3) more extroverted than me, i feel better and more confident when I know a girl is interested

4) be able to lighten me up and inspire me, some one to check my cynicism

5) sweet, compassionate, caring

6) somewhat orderly, I can't stand a messy house

7) likes to cook is a plus

8) motivation

9) not arrogant

10) likes outdoors

11) not afraid to take initiative

I'd prefer marriage before sex. No moving in until marriage, but staying the night is fine. I pay for the first few dates, then after that we split the cost.

 

[Giggly]

Lists, Yay!

• Likes me a lot and is nice to me
• Faithful/loyal
• Manly
• Intelligent
• Respectful of people
• Quiet and a bit anti-social