[ESTJ] Ask an ESTJ!

[Sil]

[MENTION=4945]EJCC[/MENTION]

Who are some of your favorite fictional characters? Between the Dean avatar and your mention Henry Standing Bear, I think our fictional tastes may have more in common than I first realized.

 

[Sil]

This romantic vulnerability, do you think it's because people may see that through an emotional vulnerability and therefore ESTJs find themselves at a bit of a disadvantage? If you weren't expected or reminded of such vulnerabilities but instead, allowed to express the ESTJ equivalent, whatever that may be, what would that look like? How would you show your partner a certain vulnerability that isn't seen around a casual friend?

Suddenly, I find myself very interested in this personality type

I am also an Acts of Service type ESTJ.

Romantic vulnerability for me is about rejection, being manipulated, and time investment. If things don't work out, it can take me a long time to emotionally center myself.

 

[LovecraftianMonstrosity]

I dunno, I think that ESTJs can be very passionate lovers, but I think because I assume it is the other individual's responsibility to take the lead emotionally we both let that aspect of the relationship falter? Perhaps with wisdom comes just learning to be kind to one another.

 

[Lord Pixel]

OK, this question is for ESTJ women, but men can chime in too, it might be weird though lol.

I am INFP male interested in an ESTJ girl, we seems to get along really well and she is very attractive. I have tried the direct approach to asking her out. At first I beat around the bush and just came out and said "I just want a date." The advice was given to me from an ESTJ guy friend. This did not work and the girl stopped texting me. Instead of a date she agreed to me just bring her a soda to her house and not going inside.

The direct approach actually made her stop talking to me, as an ESTJ woman how would you want a guy to pursue you, or what has worked on you in the past. Also can I get some tips on how to get this girl to hang out with me more than just me dropping off a soda at her house?



Some of my own thoughts on what the answer might be.

I feel like I have to ask her what she is doing and join her on her already made plans. She definitely wanted to be in control of the situation when I gave ideas of where to hang out. So maybe if I just join her on something she is doing instead she might be more comfortable with that until she trusts me enough to go somewhere I would like to go. Also perhaps I think I might have to slowly work my way to her by just being a friend at first and slowly work towards the romantic side as I know ESTJs and talking about their feelings isn't something that is their strong suit.

So I'm thinking :
-Join her and her friends instead of trying to make plans for her
-Slowly build trust with her to get her to go somewhere I want to take her
-Advance things romantically at a slower pace.

Any thoughts?

 

[EJCC]

OK, this question is for ESTJ women, but men can chime in too, it might be weird though lol.

I am INFP male interested in an ESTJ girl, we seems to get along really well and she is very attractive. I have tried the direct approach to asking her out. At first I beat around the bush and just came out and said "I just want a date." The advice was given to me from an ESTJ guy friend. This did not work and the girl stopped texting me. Instead of a date she agreed to me just bring her a soda to her house and not going inside.

The direct approach actually made her stop talking to me, as an ESTJ woman how would you want a guy to pursue you, or what has worked on you in the past. Also can I get some tips on how to get this girl to hang out with me more than just me dropping off a soda at her house?



Some of my own thoughts on what the answer might be.

I feel like I have to ask her what she is doing and join her on her already made plans. She definitely wanted to be in control of the situation when I gave ideas of where to hang out. So maybe if I just join her on something she is doing instead she might be more comfortable with that until she trusts me enough to go somewhere I would like to go. Also perhaps I think I might have to slowly work my way to her by just being a friend at first and slowly work towards the romantic side as I know ESTJs and talking about their feelings isn't something that is their strong suit.

So I'm thinking :
-Join her and her friends instead of trying to make plans for her
-Slowly build trust with her to get her to go somewhere I want to take her
-Advance things romantically at a slower pace.

Any thoughts?

I think you did the right thing initially, and she's just not that into you. :/ You could always try to be friends with her and see if she changes her mind, but I wouldn't bet on it.

 

[Agent Washington]

OK, this question is for ESTJ women, but men can chime in too, it might be weird though lol.

I am INFP male interested in an ESTJ girl, we seems to get along really well and she is very attractive. I have tried the direct approach to asking her out. At first I beat around the bush and just came out and said "I just want a date." The advice was given to me from an ESTJ guy friend. This did not work and the girl stopped texting me. Instead of a date she agreed to me just bring her a soda to her house and not going inside.

The direct approach actually made her stop talking to me, as an ESTJ woman how would you want a guy to pursue you, or what has worked on you in the past. Also can I get some tips on how to get this girl to hang out with me more than just me dropping off a soda at her house?



Some of my own thoughts on what the answer might be.

I feel like I have to ask her what she is doing and join her on her already made plans. She definitely wanted to be in control of the situation when I gave ideas of where to hang out. So maybe if I just join her on something she is doing instead she might be more comfortable with that until she trusts me enough to go somewhere I would like to go. Also perhaps I think I might have to slowly work my way to her by just being a friend at first and slowly work towards the romantic side as I know ESTJs and talking about their feelings isn't something that is their strong suit.

So I'm thinking :
-Join her and her friends instead of trying to make plans for her
-Slowly build trust with her to get her to go somewhere I want to take her
-Advance things romantically at a slower pace.

Any thoughts?

Why the assumption that she'd be into you in the first place?

 

[EJCC]

Why the assumption that she'd be into you in the first place?

^ Yes! This.

Courtship isn't a game that you're guaranteed to win if you strategize well enough from the beginning. Some factors are always going to be outside of your control.

 

[Coriolis]

Courtship isn't a game that you're guaranteed to win if you strategize well enough from the beginning. Some factors are always going to be outside of your control.

That is a problem. It would be so much easier if it were.

 

[Population: 1]

OK, this question is for ESTJ women, but men can chime in too, it might be weird though lol.

I am INFP male interested in an ESTJ girl, we seems to get along really well and she is very attractive. I have tried the direct approach to asking her out. At first I beat around the bush and just came out and said "I just want a date." The advice was given to me from an ESTJ guy friend. This did not work and the girl stopped texting me. Instead of a date she agreed to me just bring her a soda to her house and not going inside.

The direct approach actually made her stop talking to me, as an ESTJ woman how would you want a guy to pursue you, or what has worked on you in the past. Also can I get some tips on how to get this girl to hang out with me more than just me dropping off a soda at her house?



Some of my own thoughts on what the answer might be.

I feel like I have to ask her what she is doing and join her on her already made plans. She definitely wanted to be in control of the situation when I gave ideas of where to hang out. So maybe if I just join her on something she is doing instead she might be more comfortable with that until she trusts me enough to go somewhere I would like to go. Also perhaps I think I might have to slowly work my way to her by just being a friend at first and slowly work towards the romantic side as I know ESTJs and talking about their feelings isn't something that is their strong suit.

So I'm thinking :
-Join her and her friends instead of trying to make plans for her
-Slowly build trust with her to get her to go somewhere I want to take her
-Advance things romantically at a slower pace.

Any thoughts?

As one INFP male to another- why?

Seriously, she had you fetching soda for her. Are you a potential partner or a delivery boy? She doesn’t respect you and frankly trying to slink into her good graces doesn’t sound respectable. Move on. Find a girl that sees you as an equal, not a lap dog.

 

[AStrange~Nostalgia]

Hey all! I made this thread in response to a few things:

1. My experience with the rampant misconceptions about ESTJs that so many members have here (based on very limited personal experience, if any),
2. Loads of random people on TypoC asking me questions about the ESTJs in their lives, because I'm one of the only semi-actively-posting ESTJs here, and
3. All the people who want me (and the other ESTJs here) to try to make a difference on this site.

Here's the idea: if anybody has any questions that only an ESTJ can answer (and please, no spamming!), do so here. I'll do my best to help you out. Also, I reqest that other ESTJs help out on this thread here too. This doesn't have to be a one-woman battle! But you obviously shouldn't feel obligated to help out if you don't want to. I can do this on my own if necessary.

EDIT: Don't be afraid to post here! I won't bite.

So here I am. Questions, anyone?

so I haven`t read all the thread because it`s too much. so I`ll just ask.

so I have met the nice cuties ESTJs and the hypercritical possibly scary ones(stereotype insensitive ones). what do you think is the actual reason behind this difference? like , is it healthy/unhealthy matter, or male/female in general, enneagram types and wings, or just moral environmental factor.

because for my ESTJ female friends they always wonder why people always think of them as a "bad person". they are just too frank and critical, but people offended will try to take revenge, when ESTJ least expect such a response for an innocent comment.

through my experience I found that ESTJ are fun and fluffy, hard to get accustomed to at first, but addictive once they relax around you and consider you as "dear one". In fact all of them are soft hearted and scared of simple things but still don`t act weak. they are tuff on the outside but fluffy on the inside. like pudding lol

and another question is, would a nice looking ESTJ take revenge on people who showed a little less respect to them compared to others being treated? I need the answer for self assurance purposes. I don`t want to keep thinking about it, if you know for an ENFJ, in my dark thoughts when I`m alone. cause it gets really dark, and I have so many ESTJs in my life.

 

[MrWizard]

OK I have a question for ESTJ'S.
Since you guys are traditionalist, does that translate to the bedroom?

 

[Forever]

you put the thing in the thing... even I don't need to be an ESTJ to know that

 

[MrWizard]

I mean like not wanting to try new things

 

[Hellena Handbasket]

I mean like not wanting to try new things

Married to an estj.

While he may not be the most creative in the bedroom (not a bad thing because he knows what works and what works well), I am very imaginative and I've never had a problem getting him to try new things. He has a bit of a hidden wild side, sexually at least. it's all about getting that side to come out.

 

[I Tonya]

Why does there seem to be so little ESTJs on typology forums?

 

[MrWizard]

Because of their direct nature prob.
They figure it's a waste of time.

 

[EJCC]

^ basically that.

Getting an ESTJ into typology would involve making a really good case for why it's useful. I'm interested in it because I continue to find it useful, all these years after I first learned about it.

 

[kittenke]

Here's the idea: if anybody has any questions that only an ESTJ can answer (and please, no spamming!), do so here. I'll do my best to help you out. Also, I reqest that other ESTJs help out on this thread here too. This doesn't have to be a one-woman battle! But you obviously shouldn't feel obligated to help out if you don't want to. I can do this on my own if necessary.

EDIT: Don't be afraid to post here! I won't bite.

So here I am. Questions, anyone?

How do you find the less introverted ISTJs different from yourself as an ESTJ?

 

[I Tonya]

I guess that's true.

I highly value enneagram and other typology assessments, so ofc I wanna involve myself with others who do. I get along fairly with others in real life, but like church goers, my religion is here.

 

[EJCC]

How do you find the less introverted ISTJs different from yourself as an ESTJ?

Less meddlesome and action-oriented, in my experience. ISTJs can be pretty energetic in social situations, but they don’t have the infinite Te wellspring that ESTJs have, that allows them to actually GAIN energy from going out in the world and getting shit done, instead of being drained by it.