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[ESTJ] Ask an ESTJ!

EJCC

The Devil of TypoC
Joined
Aug 29, 2008
Messages
19,129
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sp/so
^ I think, if it were me, the first instinct would be to wait in the hopes that he would say something first, not because of the tradition you mentioned, but because of the other thing you mentioned; i.e. I wouldn't want to ruin our beautiful friendship, and/or make things painful and awkward and sad. But after a certain amount of time, I would make that tough decision, and think to myself: "If I don't say it, then it won't ever be said, so I'd better do it." And then, even if I was scared as all hell to do it, I'd force myself to go up to him and profess my feelings.

I wouldn't give hints - that's not really my style. I'd rather just lay it out, and not make it difficult for him.
 

Tamske

Writing...
Joined
Oct 22, 2009
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ENTP
Thanks! I've written a nice chunk now. It wasn't too easy, I prefer to describe action rather than feelings.

Related question: ESTJs, how do you know you're in love?
 

BlueSprout

/X\(:: :: )/X\
Joined
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571
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pfni
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ESTJs: hello from the shadow side. :hi:

- What kinds of books/periodicals do you like to read? What about them appeals to you?
- What kinds of gifts do you like receiving and why? Is there such thing as a gift that is too cliche or too impersonal?
 

EJCC

The Devil of TypoC
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ESTJs: hello from the shadow side. :hi:

- What kinds of books/periodicals do you like to read? What about them appeals to you?
- What kinds of gifts do you like receiving and why? Is there such thing as a gift that is too cliche or too impersonal?
:hi: Hello back!

- I like to read entertaining books - ones that spend more time on action. Don't take that to mean that I can't read dense books, or that I'm shallow, reading-wise - I just like it when stuff happens in books. I can still appreciate the nuances and such. Three of my favorite books at the moment are "America: The Book" by Jon Stewart et. al, "The Pirates! in an Adventure with Communists" by Gideon Defoe, and "Darkly Dreaming Dexter" by Jeff Lindsay. I like the first two because they're hilarious in a surprisingly smart way (with inside jokes for their more nerdy readers), and I like the third because I find the lead character to be fascinating, and his narration is so much fun to read.

Oh! You mentioned periodicals too. Well, the magazines I most enjoy reading are fashion magazines (b/c a friend of mine and I have a traditions of writing silly comments in the margins and then exchanging them, reading them and laughing a lot), as well as fluff like Entertainment Weekly. I subscribe to The Economist, but sometimes it feels like a chore to read, even if it is interesting. I like The Atlantic a lot, too, and from the times I've read GQ, I've thought that if I were a man, I'd subscribe. If only there were an equally smart female version...

I also read the New York Times online every day, and sometimes The Guardian, when people send me articles.

- I like gifts that I need, and/or gifts I could use, and that could save me trouble/money. I, unlike many, actually really like getting gift cards, as long as they're to stores that I go to. Even if it's a cop-out, it's a useful cop-out. This also includes clothes, etc. But I dislike getting gifts where it seems like someone thought "Hey! She's a girl, so of COURSE she'll like THIS!", e.g. Bath and Body Works lotion. I like it when you can tell that thought has actually been put into the gift, or that the person went "Hey, she likes this sort of thing, so I'll buy it for her".

Hope that helps :)
 

BlueSprout

/X\(:: :: )/X\
Joined
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:hi: Hello back!

- I like to read entertaining books - ones that spend more time on action. Don't take that to mean that I can't read dense books, or that I'm shallow, reading-wise - I just like it when stuff happens in books. I can still appreciate the nuances and such. Three of my favorite books at the moment are "America: The Book" by Jon Stewart et. al, "The Pirates! in an Adventure with Communists" by Gideon Defoe, and "Darkly Dreaming Dexter" by Jeff Lindsay. I like the first two because they're hilarious in a surprisingly smart way (with inside jokes for their more nerdy readers), and I like the third because I find the lead character to be fascinating, and his narration is so much fun to read.

Oh! You mentioned periodicals too. Well, the magazines I most enjoy reading are fashion magazines (b/c a friend of mine and I have a traditions of writing silly comments in the margins and then exchanging them, reading them and laughing a lot), as well as fluff like Entertainment Weekly. I subscribe to The Economist, but sometimes it feels like a chore to read, even if it is interesting. I like The Atlantic a lot, too, and from the times I've read GQ, I've thought that if I were a man, I'd subscribe. If only there were an equally smart female version...

I also read the New York Times online every day, and sometimes The Guardian, when people send me articles.

- I like gifts that I need, and/or gifts I could use, and that could save me trouble/money. I, unlike many, actually really like getting gift cards, as long as they're to stores that I go to. Even if it's a cop-out, it's a useful cop-out. This also includes clothes, etc. But I dislike getting gifts where it seems like someone thought "Hey! She's a girl, so of COURSE she'll like THIS!", e.g. Bath and Body Works lotion. I like it when you can tell that thought has actually been put into the gift, or that the person went "Hey, she likes this sort of thing, so I'll buy it for her".

Hope that helps :)

It does. Thanks for the thorough response. :)

So, to recap, books should be witty, entertaining and fast-paced; periodicals can be informative and entertaining, but in any case should be easy to pick up and put down at your leisure; ideal gifts are often practical ones but they should always be clearly picked with their intended recipient in mind and show thoughtfulness?

I hope this is right. The reason I ask is that I don't know any ESTJs at the moment, so I am curious about their likes/dislikes and interests. Hopefully knowing what ESTJs might like to read will help me build a connection the next time I get a chance to talk to one. The gift thing was out of curiosity, because I thought STJs might appreciate utility, but didn't want to make assumptions.

Thanks once again. :)
 

EJCC

The Devil of TypoC
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It does. Thanks for the thorough response. :)

So, to recap, books should be witty, entertaining and fast-paced; periodicals can be informative and entertaining, but in any case should be easy to pick up and put down at your leisure; ideal gifts are often practical ones but they should always be clearly picked with their intended recipient in mind and show thoughtfulness?

I hope this is right. The reason I ask is that I don't know any ESTJs at the moment, so I am curious about their likes/dislikes and interests. Hopefully knowing what ESTJs might like to read will help me build a connection the next time I get a chance to talk to one. The gift thing was out of curiosity, because I thought STJs might appreciate utility, but didn't want to make assumptions.

Thanks once again. :)
Your recap is exactly right. I'm glad you asked about the gifts - even though practical gifts are nice, it's only to a certain extent. I can just imagine, as an example, an ignorant but well-meaning non-ESTJ getting an ESTJ a really, really boring - though useful - gift, and the ESTJ being sad and disappointed about it. So there IS a bit more to it.

No problem! I'm always glad to help :)
 

Little Linguist

Striving for balance
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Just curious, EJCC, what is your enneagram - do you know?
 

EJCC

The Devil of TypoC
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^ I don't like the Enneagram very much. None of the descriptions seem 100% right to me, and a lot of them seem very, very extreme and one-dimensional - i.e. I'll read a description and go "Yeah, I'm like that, but I sure as heck don't go THAT far!!!". Some people on TypeC think I'm a 6, but I'm pretty sure, on reflection, that I'm a 1.

Here's a link to a relevant post.
 

Little Linguist

Striving for balance
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^ I don't like the Enneagram very much. None of the descriptions seem 100% right to me, and a lot of them seem very, very extreme and one-dimensional - i.e. I'll read a description and go "Yeah, I'm like that, but I sure as heck don't go THAT far!!!". Some people on TypeC think I'm a 6, but I'm pretty sure, on reflection, that I'm a 1.

Here's a link to a relevant post.

Just read your link. WOW, I relate to you so much - it's crazy! :D That's one of the reasons why I wanted to ask you because you're the first person I thought of who might be able to shed some light. :) Thanks for helping - I do appreciate it.
 

Timeless

Playnerd
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How do you think you'll act/behave in your absolute worst day?
 

EJCC

The Devil of TypoC
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^ That's a really hard question... I'm not sure if this is right, but here goes:

I think on my very worst day, I'll be mean and unfeeling towards other people, and at the same time, I'll be moody and angry and wallowing in some variety of angst. I won't want to be around anyone, and if they talk to me, I'll be cold and cruel to them in response.

It probably REALLY depends on the ESTJ, though.
 

Fidelia

Iron Maiden
Staff member
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Do you ever get stuck in that mode? If so why? What can other people around you best do to help get you out of it (or maneuvre around you?)
 

EJCC

The Devil of TypoC
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^ I've never been in that mode. On many occasions throughout my life, I've been in a mode almost identical to that, but it quickly turns into a self-pity mode after I start feeling embarrassed by my behavior.

I pretty much never get stuck in the mode. Whenever I get upset (and I mean the broadest definition of "upset"), I get out of it pretty quickly, unless it's a special case. If it's a special case, it'll go from the "mode" defined above straight to feeling really, really sad.

But to make this simpler: To help with the "mode", I would recommend just leaving me alone, and letting me be in my own world for a while, so I can calm down. But to help with the extreme that VERY RARELY comes after the "mode", I'd recommend offering me something fun to do that will cheer me up (or, if you're a friend, offering to go see a movie or go to a party or something later on in the day), and, most importantly, to help me forget about whatever just happened. Don't talk to me about it - I'd rather just forget about it and move on to something else.
 

Fidelia

Iron Maiden
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ESTJs don't strike me as being likely to cheat or lie about what they were doing. If they were to do so, what circumstances would be most likely to bring that about?
 

EJCC

The Devil of TypoC
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ESTJs don't strike me as being likely to cheat or lie about what they were doing. If they were to do so, what circumstances would be most likely to bring that about?
We might lie if we 1. Really really really REALLY don't want to talk about a particular thing (e.g. if an ESTJ's boyfriend loses their job, and someone asks the ESTJ how he's doing, the ESTJ might say "Oh, he's fine," because they don't want to go into all that nonsense)*, or 2. it would prevent public embarrassment/making themselves look bad (e.g. "Truth or truth - are you a virgin?" "Erm, uh, of course not! Eheheh."), or 3. some other reason that doesn't come to mind at present.

We might cheat if... well, say an ESTJ is in school, and taking a very very very easy Literature class that they think is stupid and a waste of their time. They might cheat in that class because 1. they have no respect for the class, and 2. they're 100% certain that they can get away with it. I've known many ESTJs who have used SparkNotes (despite it being disallowed) and refused to read the readings in this exact situation, and, ironically, they do so out of principle.

*Although, in situations similar to (but not as direct as) those, I think we'd be more likely to say nothing than to lie.
 

Fidelia

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What about cheating in a relationship or lying about what they were doing?
 

EJCC

The Devil of TypoC
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Oh, I'm sure they'd lie in that sort of situation. That might actually fall under the category of "Not wanting to have to deal with the other person's reaction to it", like in my previous post. Although I have a very hard time relating to that particular example, because people who cheat in relationships make me very very angry and I have a hard time relating to them.
 

BlueSprout

/X\(:: :: )/X\
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Okay, this is a multi-parter:

If an xNxP says something characteristically off-the-wall/off topic :whistling: and an xSTJ just gives the xNxP that sort of perplexed and unamused look, what should xNxP do to return to the normal conversation? Should they crack a joke to ease the tension? Should they acknowledge their gaffe, or is that an even greater blunder? :shock: Or am I possibly reading more awkwardness into the situation than might actually exist? What do ESTJs really think when xNxPs start going on an odd Ne tangent in the middle of a pleasant conversation? :D
 
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