User Tag List

First 172222262270271272273274 Last

Results 2,711 to 2,720 of 2757

Thread: Ask an ESTJ!

  1. #2711
    Forged In Flames Hexcoder's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2018
    Posts
    4,341

    Default

    How do you feel about being perhaps the most criticized type?

  2. #2712
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2019
    Posts
    24

    Default

    Would you date someone who likes to just talk, express emotions, you to pickup subtle hints , but doesnt want you to fix anything said/complaining about? Basically just sit while the other vents even if its their fault

  3. #2713
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Sep 2019
    Posts
    210

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by istjariesram View Post
    Would you date someone who likes to just talk, express emotions, you to pickup subtle hints , but doesnt want you to fix anything said/complaining about? Basically just sit while the other vents even if its their fault
    Whoa no fuck that

    (been typed as ESTJ)

    What I'm fine with is if they express how they feel about the issue and then they move on to trying to solve it or just try to move on if it doesn't need a solution, this may happen at their own pace though. But if they just keep coming back to the same shit and they keep disagreeing with ANY input like it's a knee-jerk reaction to disagree, then no... I have close to zero tolerance for that before I blow up if I don't exit the situation fast enough. So yeah.
    Likes Queen Parrot liked this post

  4. #2714
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Sep 2019
    Posts
    210

    Default

    To OP or any other confirmed ESTJs on here:


    Do you ever like to feel warm or just feely inside? Or do you always like to be neutral and "cold" inside? I read ESTJs have discomfort with emotion, what is that like, any more details on this? Is it easier for you to look warm outwardly or easier to feel warm inwardly? Which one do you prefer/have more tolerance about? And how about strong emotions, inwardly vs outwardly?

    I just really have very little tolerance about being filled up with feelings or emotions internally. I don't mind emotions, they can be good even, as long as they can pass fast or converted into action, and then it can be even good, enjoyable. But they must go away, removed, or be released somehow FAST. I don't have tolerance about being/staying filled with feelings/emotions internally. I want to always be neutral/"cold" inside and have emotions only for these very short times inside.
    Likes Queen Parrot liked this post

  5. #2715
    Overwhelmed Queen Parrot's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2017
    MBTI
    INFP
    Enneagram
    964 sx/so
    Posts
    84

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Meowcat View Post
    To OP or any other confirmed ESTJs on here:


    Do you ever like to feel warm or just feely inside? Or do you always like to be neutral and "cold" inside? I read ESTJs have discomfort with emotion, what is that like, any more details on this? Is it easier for you to look warm outwardly or easier to feel warm inwardly? Which one do you prefer/have more tolerance about? And how about strong emotions, inwardly vs outwardly?

    I just really have very little tolerance about being filled up with feelings or emotions internally. I don't mind emotions, they can be good even, as long as they can pass fast or converted into action, and then it can be even good, enjoyable. But they must go away, removed, or be released somehow FAST. I don't have tolerance about being/staying filled with feelings/emotions internally. I want to always be neutral/"cold" inside and have emotions only for these very short times inside.
    Hmmmm.

    I understand your point.
    But why exactly do you want to stay neutral? Is it because you like to observe things or, leave your options open when expressing an opinion or idea?

    If I'm making any sense.

    *Sighs* There are people criticizing other types but I think it's better if we try to understand where everyone is coming from first; then leave the criticism til after. If we understand how others operate, then it would be easier to cooperate.
    INFP | Phlegmatic/Melancholic | Enneagram 964 | Ravenclaw
    If I'm on here, I'm probably tired asf.
    Likes Meowcat liked this post

  6. #2716
    Overwhelmed Queen Parrot's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2017
    MBTI
    INFP
    Enneagram
    964 sx/so
    Posts
    84

    Default

    What do you think of ESTPs?
    INFP | Phlegmatic/Melancholic | Enneagram 964 | Ravenclaw
    If I'm on here, I'm probably tired asf.

  7. #2717
    Overwhelmed Queen Parrot's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2017
    MBTI
    INFP
    Enneagram
    964 sx/so
    Posts
    84

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by istjariesram View Post
    Would you date someone who likes to just talk, express emotions, you to pickup subtle hints , but doesnt want you to fix anything said/complaining about? Basically just sit while the other vents even if its their fault
    I completely understand where you're coming from. A lot of the time, when I tell my father things, (ESTP) I always get some lecture when all I really needed at the time was just some emotional support.

    Mmmm, this is hard to explain. When I get the emotional support, it will lift my mood and state of mind... It will clear my mind, then I'll listen to a lecture; or then I'll go and ruminate about the problem; for who knows how long until I think of a solution. if I try and fail then I would like the advice of somebody else.

    Uhm.. I do get "upset" when immediately confronted with a solution, which, I understand that the other party is only trying to help, because they are concerned about you; otherwise they wouldn't give you advice at all, and I do appreciate it afterwards.

    However initially, I just need that little spark of feelings before the verbal onslaught.

    Edit: I suppose the advice of somebody else would probably be a quicker or more efficient solution than what we initially think of; and they might think why go through 20 hurdles, when I gave you a 10 hurdle solution?
    However, sometimes people just have to do things for themselves, learn a lesson on their own first.
    INFP | Phlegmatic/Melancholic | Enneagram 964 | Ravenclaw
    If I'm on here, I'm probably tired asf.
    Likes Meowcat liked this post

  8. #2718
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Sep 2019
    Posts
    210

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Queen Parrot View Post
    Hmmmm.

    I understand your point.
    But why exactly do you want to stay neutral? Is it because you like to observe things or, leave your options open when expressing an opinion or idea?

    If I'm making any sense.
    Because my logic needs the cognitive space. Logical analysis, deductive reasoning, whatever.

    Did that make sense?
    Likes Queen Parrot liked this post

  9. #2719
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Sep 2019
    Posts
    210

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Queen Parrot View Post
    I completely understand where you're coming from. A lot of the time, when I tell my father things, (ESTP) I always get some lecture when all I really needed at the time was just some emotional support.

    Mmmm, this is hard to explain. When I get the emotional support, it will lift my mood and state of mind... It will clear my mind, then I'll listen to a lecture; or then I'll go and ruminate about the problem; for who knows how long until I think of a solution. if I try and fail then I would like the advice of somebody else.

    Uhm.. I do get "upset" when immediately confronted with a solution, which, I understand that the other party is only trying to help, because they are concerned about you; otherwise they wouldn't give you advice at all, and I do appreciate it afterwards.

    However initially, I just need that little spark of feelings before the verbal onslaught.

    Edit: I suppose the advice of somebody else would probably be a quicker or more efficient solution than what we initially think of; and they might think why go through 20 hurdles, when I gave you a 10 hurdle solution?
    However, sometimes people just have to do things for themselves, learn a lesson on their own first.
    Ah wow. .... If only I had known this earlier. I was already observing and figuring this out for myself but this here was put VERY CLEARLY. Thanks.

    So yes, a spark of positive emotion, that definitely helps your brain focus on constructive and positive facts getting you closer to a solution. Negative emotions slow your brain down, this can be useful too, but depending on what negative emotion it is, it can be too much. Basically negative emotions/moods are good for detailed analysis, which can be good useful really, but if you buy into negative thoughts associated with the negative feelings, it will turn into ruminating. Positive emotions though not only help you find positive facts to find a constructive direction for the solution, but they will also help your brain think faster, seeing more options and handling them more quickly etc.

    My further thoughts - if you can find positive thinking and beliefs on your own that make sense enough, your feelings/mood will turn positive too. That helps with self-regulating without needing it from others.

    And I said "if only" because an important relationship of mine died over this. (Not just this but hell...)

    Basically... we both were getting into a bad place. That meant I had lower, way lower tolerance for taking in the negative emotions expressed when this person would vent or complain to me. And they would vent and complain more often and offload negative emotions more on me. The way I work is, my only one way to really deal with serious negativity is focus on finding a solution. Then the problem is, if I care about the person, I will be receptive to their emotions and taking in the negative too, yes. This all would result in me compulsively suggesting solutions. Getting really detailed in analysis to find them for this person. They did work sometimes though yeah. But I just kept feeding the fish to them instead of teaching them to find the fish themselves or tell them to go and learn to do so. And then ... eventually their problems grew so big they were unable to even nurture the relationship even in the completely basic minimal way for me to be able to keep my own negativity at bay by trying to find solutions. My own negativity was getting too strong about the relationship itself, does she even care about me?? Besides being so concerned about her problems working out. Add the two together and boom. ... I got overemotional myself as a result and offloaded on her (I never do this by default) and she didn't respond well at all nah...... Then the relationship never recovered.

    Please note: I wasn't angry or judgmental or any of that at her. I was never judgmental at her. Never. When I say I offloaded emotions I meant negative emotions like worry, guilt, etc, nothing like being angry or raging. She was the one who did the anger, not me. And she would be cold and dismissive. Like we suddenly switched roles or something but taking on each other's negative qualities only (bad Thinking, bad Feeling). My emotional expression was too intense and raw probably, I didn't express like she would usually express her own. Not as refined. That didn't help. But that's how I am, I just don't look at the emotions by default or show them like that.

    ... Before all that, I used to just be able to tune in when she vented/complained and feel with her, express my empathy, mirroring her naturally and all that. Because the life situation for either of us wasn't as bad yet. So I could do that, and she would I guess deal with her stuff afterwards or I would suggest a solution if she asked afterwards etc etc. When the problems started, I was still able to tune in with a delay... I'd first suggest a solution but then I would emotionally mirror too with a delay. I just vividly remember one such situation, where I felt her negativity consciously enough, it pulled me down too by getting concerned, worried, and it all was just really unpleasant, and then I was really tense about her finding a solution (it was an important issue tbh), I suggested some, pushed her to go and do it, then I was able to do the mirroring / emotional communication a little. With that delay. Later I couldn't at all anymore. ... This memory is so vivid because I got conscious of the negative emotion I was taking in. Usually I would not focus on it, and just focus on the goddamn solution finding consciously. And have a guess why I do that. Because I do not have capacity to deal with my emotions/feelings directly all that much let alone sink in them for long. Same for negative emotions of others. So I'll just focus on the logical analysis because I have way better tolerance to do that cognitively. Thinker shit you see.

    One more note, apologies I'm not going to organise this post better now, got to go soon, where I mentioned her failing to nurture the relationship. These more feely types will respond to bad enough stress by becoming self-absorbed (no offense), sinking in their own negative emotions, failing to nurture the relationships they got. So that was the other side of all of it.

    So yeah thinker-feeler shit


    PS: You would have to spell it out really really clearly to your ESTP dad as to what you need, i.e. you need emotional support and how it needs done. I'm sorry, it will not work out in any other way. He's not gonna mind-read you. The good news: he should be able to learn to read your body language over time so then he won't need you to tell him always what it is you need at a given moment. But initial assertive communication is absolutely needed about this. Don't care if it feels mechanical or unnatural or awkward or any of that. That's temporary. And don't be afraid to be direct, you are not gonna offend an ESTP lol
    Likes Queen Parrot liked this post

  10. #2720
    Overwhelmed Queen Parrot's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2017
    MBTI
    INFP
    Enneagram
    964 sx/so
    Posts
    84

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Meowcat View Post
    Because my logic needs the cognitive space. Logical analysis, deductive reasoning, whatever.

    Did that make sense?
    Yes it did.

    Well, processing information and sorting through it can be mentally draining after a while, so I suppose that's the reason.

    Makes sense.
    INFP | Phlegmatic/Melancholic | Enneagram 964 | Ravenclaw
    If I'm on here, I'm probably tired asf.

Similar Threads

  1. [INTJ] Ask an INTJ
    By logan235711 in forum The NT Rationale (ENTP, INTP, ENTJ, INTJ)
    Replies: 881
    Last Post: 02-27-2019, 10:34 PM
  2. [ESTJ] Convincing an ESTJ to change their mind?
    By gulsy in forum The SJ Guardhouse (ESFJ, ISFJ, ESTJ, ISTJ)
    Replies: 2
    Last Post: 12-05-2015, 11:05 PM
  3. [ESTJ] Convincing an ESTJ to change their mind?
    By gulsy in forum The SJ Guardhouse (ESFJ, ISFJ, ESTJ, ISTJ)
    Replies: 7
    Last Post: 12-28-2010, 04:00 PM
  4. [ESTJ] living with an ESTJ
    By corey_vann in forum The SJ Guardhouse (ESFJ, ISFJ, ESTJ, ISTJ)
    Replies: 7
    Last Post: 04-28-2010, 04:18 PM
  5. [ESTJ] You know you're an ESTJ when...
    By mcmartinez84 in forum The SJ Guardhouse (ESFJ, ISFJ, ESTJ, ISTJ)
    Replies: 18
    Last Post: 12-22-2009, 10:12 AM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
Single Sign On provided by vBSSO