[SJ] SJ's as complainers.

[professor goodstain]

There is probably some truth to this. My SJ never stops complaining. Ever. I am immune. I really don't even notice it anymore and has led to me developing such formidable patience, it's like a secret weapon.

Actually, I can usually get a good barometer of our relationship by analyzing what she is complaining about. Like the other day, she complained for a solid 30 minutes about how far away I live [it's 15 minutes, MAX]. She put on a show. It isn't fair, think of the miles on my car, gas expense, I'm not doing this all summer, why can't you live closer, etc. However I offered to pick her up instead, I don't mind, it's not really that big of a deal. Nope, wouldn't have it.

Though I guess if the only thing she is complaining about is the 15 minute drive to my house I must be doing a pretty good job so I don't really worry about it.

Hit it dead on. In retrospect, did you notice that your immunity appeared right from the getgo? The one i got close to only really complained about my style of dress, and that's about it. She never tried to manipulate that complaining to justify other angles of new kinds of complaints. Rather, i never found any connection to her complaining as taking advantage of my patience.

 

[JocktheMotie]

Hit it dead on. In retrospect, did you notice that your immunity appeared right from the getgo? The one i got close to only really complained about my style of dress, and that's about it. She never tried to manipulate that complaining to justify other angles of new kinds of complaints. Rather, i never found any connection to her complaining as taking advantage of my patience.

Hmm, difficult to remember if I was always immune. She didn't complain as much early on, but now I kinda like it and think it's funny. Didn't shave the hair on the back of my neck, my room is dusty, my car is dusty, haven't done laundry, blah blah blah. It makes her happy and makes me chuckle. And you're right, there doesn't really seem to be any kind of goal in complaining, other than to complain.

 

[defragmybrain]

Hmmm. I guess SJ's can get away with it - when i complain i get bitched at that i am complaining and that i have no reason to complain, and because i know my solution and there isn't any point in complaining... i'm wasting my time and making everybody anxious because i complain!

ugh. i'm just bored. lol

 

[Saslou]

Like the other day, she complained for a solid 30 minutes about how far away I live [it's 15 minutes, MAX]. She put on a show. It isn't fair, think of the miles on my car, gas expense, I'm not doing this all summer, why can't you live closer, etc. However I offered to pick her up instead, I don't mind, it's not really that big of a deal. Nope, wouldn't have it.

Oh my word. You have a great attitude towards her whining, good for you. I would of just turned round and said 'well what if i lived an hours drive away', no, i take that back as that would equate more complaining. lol

She just wants to complain because she had a bad week or is bored.

I do moan when i am bored. I just go into wind up mode and want to have some fun. I shouldn't ask for anyone else to entertain me. I think its at those times that my inner child comes out to wreck havoc.

Son: "I'm not going to wash dishes."
Me: "Ok, and I don't have to feed you either."

Sorry those probably were a bit cruel, but so is life. We all have jobs to do, like it or not.

That isn't cruel just fact. I am going to use that one sometimes so cheers .

 

[Snow Turtle]

Worried and depressed are the only two games I really play. I view them as the same thing.

I guess I do complain but it's only to myself in a wallowing style. Find it difficult to complain in front of others because I don't like burdening and all that.

 

[Lookin4theBestNU]

There has been a thread on these games before and as for me grasshopper seemed to be very fitting. I had games from some of the other temperaments too. I've actually seen more SJs play martyr vs. NFs in real life. I've also witnessed them stay in very bad relationships and despite endless complaining never actually intended to leave. As for the SJ games although I have many SJs as friends/family my patience with it isn't endless. I know for certain I am not immune. Negative energy in large consistent doses is very bad for me. It has an impact even though at the time I don't always recognize it until afterwards. I mostly keep SJs at arms length now until I get to know them a bit better. I've lied about why I ended friendships with some of them honestly. I've pointed out some of these traits in those closest to me long before I knew about the games. I have to say that ISTJs are/were the most responsive to the feedback. Two have actually said that they wished I hadn't been so nice about it .

 

[raz]

I complain about the complaining at work. People vocalize their problems at work so fucking much. Just...tell management instead of complaining amongst yourselves. It's just irrelevant banter.

I'd say I do the nag and invalid thing the most. I nag just to mock people that bother me, and do the invalid thing just to get a rise out of people. The others seem like problems for feelers. I do have those problems, but they're pretty consistent and I just think of it as part of me.

 

[Saslou]

There has been a thread on these games before and as for me grasshopper seemed to be very fitting. I had games from some of the other temperaments too. I've actually seen more SJs play martyr vs. NFs in real life. I've also witnessed them stay in very bad relationships and despite endless complaining never actually intended to leave. As for the SJ games although I have many SJs as friends/family my patience with it isn't endless. I know for certain I am not immune. Negative energy in large consistent doses is very bad for me. It has an impact even though at the time I don't always recognize it until afterwards. I mostly keep SJs at arms length now until I get to know them a bit better. I've lied about why I ended friendships with some of them honestly. I've pointed out some of these traits in those closest to me long before I knew about the games. I have to say that ISTJs are/were the most responsive to the feedback. Two have actually said that they wished I hadn't been so nice about it .

lol, i have twice been called a martyr. Pfft. :steam:. A work colleague and husband. They both pissed me right off. Just because i get into work, get it done and get out, well that doesn't make me a martyr (This woman sucked up to the boss soooo bad). The other one well i will leave it as INTJ, (take, take, take).
Being round negative people brings me down and i dont feel the SJ's on here giving off that vibe. So.
I don't mind constructive criticism but i will not stand by and let someone poke and rip my character to shreads.

 

[iwakar]

So i am currenly reading a very interesting book which was recommended by someone from this site.

'Survival games personalities play'.

Its about the games we play in life in order to survive.

We SJ's play the Complain game apparantly.
The six variants are invalid, worried, doormat, poor me, depressed and nag.

Invalid - Complaining of real aches and pains.

Worried - plagued with terrible worries and fears of bad things that may happen.

Doormat - Allowing themselves to be stepped on by others while behaving as lowly servants.

Poor me - complain loudly and often about put upon they are.

Depressed - filled with sadness, everythings dark and dreary with no hope.

Nag - Harps on others what they should and should not be feeling, thinking and/or doing.

This book also looks at the other 3 types, NT, SP and NF's so they have their own problems as well.

I was just curious though, Can you relate to the above?

That sounds like my mother alright. And boy would she hate that list... There's also no way I can show that to my ENTP brother. It's just the sort of thing he'd hurl in her face every time she annoyed him.

I'm curious about the book as well. I'd actually read the entire thing as opposed to cherry-picking for ammo.

 

[Cimarron]

I complain about the complaining at work. People vocalize their problems at work so fucking much. Just...tell management instead of complaining amongst yourselves. It's just irrelevant banter.

Yup, I'm agreeing strongly with that.

 

[Lookin4theBestNU]

I don't mind constructive criticism but i will not stand by and let someone poke and rip my character to shreads.

So you felt that someone pointing out martyr behavior to you was ripping your character to shreds? Or that my response to your thread was? Sorry, not exactly sure what you mean by this statement.

 

[Saslou]

I'm curious about the book as well. I'd actually read the entire thing as opposed to cherry-picking for ammo.

Very good read, it is by Eve Delunas. It is from 1992 so you will pay a pretty price for it. Well worth it though (i got mine from amazon and its a signed copy, great, lol)

So you felt that someone pointing out martyr behavior to you was ripping your character to shreds? Or that my response to your thread was? Sorry, not exactly sure what you mean by this statement.

No, got me wrong there. You spoke about 'martyr' which got me thinking.
Then you mentioned how some people didn't mind you 'talking about possible faults in their character' or whatever. Then i replied about the not minding constructive criticism but dislike having my character ripped to pieces.

Phew. Hope that cleared that one up.

I was giving an opinion on what you said is all.

 

[wrldisquiethere]

Worried - plagued with terrible worries and fears of bad things that may happen.

Doormat - Allowing themselves to be stepped on by others while behaving as lowly servants.

Depressed - filled with sadness, everythings dark and dreary with no hope.

These are the ones I can relate to during my low times.

 

[Saslou]

Thats whats really good though about this book.

Now we are able to recognise some of our behaviours, the next time it happens, we can try and have better control over it. Like the book states sometimes in situations we need to play the game. That's OK, its the extremes and the consequences it can have not only on our lives but also on the lives of those around us that can make things difficult and ourselves unhealthy.

 

[EJCC]

Worrying = yes. (Before big deadlines, you'll often hear me say things like "I'm concerned. I don't know if I'm PREPARED!")
Depressed = occasionally.
Nagging = OH yeah.
The rest = not so much.

I would REALLY like to think that I don't complain (genuinely). Whenever I do, it's in a self-deprecating way that's only half sincere, to make people laugh.