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[ISFJ] A question about other ISFJ's

Eiddy

Pronounced eye-ee-dee
Joined
Apr 20, 2009
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I will be brutally honest here.

I am/have become very self centered, how does it affect me, how does it pertain to me, how do I feel about it, why should I get involved? It could be Aries child talking here too. I don't know but, I have always cared for others and went out of my way to please and care for others, now I wish to be cared for.

I found the following at ISFJ - The Nurturer :

Midlife

At midlife ISFJs might want to develop the thinking function more fully. For example, a study of human behavior might be one avenue that ISFJs can find fascinating at this time. They also might practice being in the limelight occasionally, more aggressively claiming recognition for the many contributions they have been making so quietly for so long. They could even practice the art of accepting service from others, allowing themselves to be pampered a bit, and cutting down on the services they provide to others, no matter who those others may be.

I guess mid 30's could definitely be considered mid-life.

Crisis!!!

Back to being my new selfish self, or is this normal and why there doesn't seem to be many sensing types on the forum - ISFJ's in particular - because could it be that we are selfish with ourselves and our time?

So if I could get other ISFJ's opinion on this, is this just a phase?
 

Saslou

New member
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Feb 1, 2009
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I will be brutally honest here.

I am/have become very self centered, how does it affect me, how does it pertain to me, how do I feel about it, why should I get involved? It could be Aries child talking here too. I don't know but, I have always cared for others and went out of my way to please and care for others, now I wish to be cared for.

I found the following at ISFJ - The Nurturer :

Midlife

At midlife ISFJs might want to develop the thinking function more fully. For example, a study of human behavior might be one avenue that ISFJs can find fascinating at this time. They also might practice being in the limelight occasionally, more aggressively claiming recognition for the many contributions they have been making so quietly for so long. They could even practice the art of accepting service from others, allowing themselves to be pampered a bit, and cutting down on the services they provide to others, no matter who those others may be.

I guess mid 30's could definitely be considered mid-life.

Crisis!!!

Back to being my new selfish self, or is this normal and why there doesn't seem to be many sensing types on the forum - ISFJ's in particular - because could it be that we are selfish with ourselves and our time?

So if I could get other ISFJ's opinion on this, is this just a phase?

Everything in bold i can relate to. Being an incredibly unselfish person, putting everyone else first and i don't even come last, i just am not on the list at all .. I would love to stand in a street and scream from the top of my lungs WHAT ABOUT ME YOU INSENSITIVE BASTARDS!!!! .. i don't even know who i would be aiming the question at, maybe myself.
 

Totenkindly

@.~*virinaĉo*~.@
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I'm more interested in hearing why you consider yourself selfish, Eiddy. (I think that's the big question here.)

What are you doing that you think is wrong?
 

Eiddy

Pronounced eye-ee-dee
Joined
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Exactly!!! Maybe I am ESFJ... :D

I had that (in bold) feeling towards a student today.. I really would like to retire to some quiet retirement resort, not retirement home. That might not be a bad idea either.

I will stand in the street beside you screaming the same thing WHAT ABOUT ME YOU INSENSITIVE CRAPPY BASTARDS!!!!

Yes, bring your vegetables to throw at us.. I need a salad. lol
 

Eiddy

Pronounced eye-ee-dee
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I'm more interested in hearing why you consider yourself selfish, Eiddy. (I think that's the big question here.)

What are you doing that you think is wrong?

I am selfish in that I want to turn into a hermit, I don't want to work like a donkey anymore. I am tired of spending money on living expenses and not on myself.

I want to become invisible so that no one can want or expect anything of me. I am tired of trying to make real face to face friends that only take and can't even pick up the phone to call me or come to see how I am doing. "Do I have a sign that reads take my time, my love, and attention, all you have to do is wait for me to show up." "Oh, and I don't ask for anything in return." Do I have to ask????

BLAH! what a crappy feeling..
 

kiddykat

movin melodies
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Elddy, could it be that the student/people in your life caused much frustration, unintentionally, when things get misunderstood, miscommunicated?
 

BerberElla

12 and a half weeks
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I'm more interested in hearing why you consider yourself selfish, Eiddy. (I think that's the big question here.)

What are you doing that you think is wrong?

Got to admit that was the first thing that popped into my head too, why is anything about wanting a little back, selfish?

My best friend is an ISFJ, and she is very serving of others, I am enjoying watching her go through this mid life change point because she is becoming tougher at demanding just a little of what she gives out everyday, to be returned to her.

I say too right for her, she more than deserves it.

It's not selfishness, it's finally caring for the self, something that we all have to do, and indeed need to do. :)
 

Eiddy

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My problem is that I am too darned nice. No one notices the nice one, unless I stop doing what everyone (students/boss/family, friends if there are any) takes for granted.

Most of the students love me, but a few of them think "Oh, she is a funny, helpful and nice teacher. We don't really have to behave in her class." Like if it means they don't have to show respect. :(

Thanks for letting me vent a bit.. :blush:

I know this will pass.. :yes:
 

kiddykat

movin melodies
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Elddy, I understand. Maybe those people had a bad day? They weren't on their best behavior?

I think people who come to disappoint, do appreciate/love what you do for them.. and perhaps those people have a hard time communicating it when their situation makes it tough for them? Like the students.. There is a misunderstanding on both sides? Some of them may have issues plaging them- home life, relationships.. all these situations that make it tough for them to stay focused? In a way, that is selfish too, and I'm sure they don't mean it.. I can be a total jerk like that, when I don't mean to, when I'm in a head space for things..

That is the one gift you have- to be able to stay focused and care for others.. That is a strength I admire about ISFJs. I would focus on that, and continue on being you, bc that is what makes you most happy?
 

Saslou

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I relate to wanting to be invisible .. I find it sometimes really hard to function (maybe that's the SFJ and to much thinking), its like i am juggling so many balls and people can see that i am, but no one is offering to help. Granted it is my fault, i want to help people and i offer but sometimes it would be nice if someone helped me if just for a moment.

It was my step dad's sisters funeral today. I wanted to go to support my step dad (he is my dad) but i didn't as i don't want to be around people who are emotionally all over the place. So i didn't go. How stupid. Maybe that's just me trying to hold everything together and act like nothing is wrong, when really i am a tad emotional. (there isn't a smiley where the head explodes)

I think it is easier to build friendships online on sites like these as i know no one will want something physical from me. I choose when i can turn off the laptop so there is no pressure. I also find maybe because i am an ESFJ that people zap my energy (energy vampires) 'Here's Sarah, she'll help out'.

Wow, i am on a bit of a rant now. lol ..

Reading that over, i found it insightful. :huh:

Eiddy .. Have you always wanted to be a teacher????
 

Eiddy

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Funny Sarah you should ask that! No, I have never wanted to be a teacher. eeek!!!!!.... (thinks of past teachers and their plaid brown/green polyester pants) I became one after coming to Egypt because I couldn't work in an office. Since at that time I couldn't speak Arabic (phones), couldn't read Arabic (mail), write Arabic (typing). I became basically useless in my - at that time - previous field.

Went to a recruitment company that placed me in a nursery, for a few measly Egyptian pounds a month (about $100). :shock: This was about 10 years ago. Don't worry I make quite a lot more than that now or I would just shoot myself to end my misery. hahaha

Well I traveled far since those days. I thought I could never work in a school without a teaching degree. Well outside the states and a few other advance countries, I know I wouldn't be able to. But in Egypt as long as you have a degree even technical degree, it's ok to work as a teacher. (Parents pay the school a whole lot more for foreigners.)

I really do like the students, but there are times when I wish to withdrawl from others. I like how you said, Sarah, about having online friends being much easier. If you ever get tired you can shut it off and you don't have to give an explanation. One of the main reasons I haven't closed my e-mail account. I have closed so many other social accounts when it got to be too demanding of my time. Although here I don't feel any pressure to have to sit and watch my posts hatch. LOL
 

Snow Turtle

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Disappearing from society would be wonderful as it'd destroy all those expectations that we place on ourselves to please other individuals. I don't think it's selfish to want time to withdraw at all, in fact consider it an important thing to do so to function effectively around other people. But I get the feeling you already know that since you mentioned that this feeling phase will eventually pass.

I consider myself extremely selfish as an individual as I'm constantly concerned about what I want out of life, how I can go about acheiving it and needing time to myself to figure out these things. While I'm only 20. I consider this to be a result of a combination of psychology and becoming interested in personal development (might have fueled my interest in psychology.)

Interested in optimising my abilities and all that. How can I best serve others? By becoming the best I can be, and that requires me to focus on myself as well. Curious, as you seem to be into personal development as well. When did you get into it?

I've always found it odd that ISFJs would like to serve, but not want to ask for help because of reasons like "Oh I don't want to burden them or I'll manage it by myself" but at the same time would so appreciate and perhaps even subconsciously desire help. It's like a contradiction... @_@
So I figure it's best to ask, although here I don't practice what I believe. =/
 

Giggly

No moss growing on me
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I will be brutally honest here.

I am/have become very self centered, how does it affect me, how does it pertain to me, how do I feel about it, why should I get involved? It could be Aries child talking here too. I don't know but, I have always cared for others and went out of my way to please and care for others, now I wish to be cared for.

I found the following at ISFJ - The Nurturer :

Midlife

At midlife ISFJs might want to develop the thinking function more fully. For example, a study of human behavior might be one avenue that ISFJs can find fascinating at this time. They also might practice being in the limelight occasionally, more aggressively claiming recognition for the many contributions they have been making so quietly for so long. They could even practice the art of accepting service from others, allowing themselves to be pampered a bit, and cutting down on the services they provide to others, no matter who those others may be.

I guess mid 30's could definitely be considered mid-life.

Crisis!!!

Back to being my new selfish self, or is this normal and why there doesn't seem to be many sensing types on the forum - ISFJ's in particular - because could it be that we are selfish with ourselves and our time?

So if I could get other ISFJ's opinion on this, is this just a phase?

Perhaps your Fe is turning into Fi, making you ISFP instead of ISFJ?
 

Eiddy

Pronounced eye-ee-dee
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I was wondering if one aspect could turn into another. About the Perceiving Characteristics

* Comfortable moving into action without a plan; plan on-the-go.
* Like to multitask, have variety, mix work and play.
* Naturally tolerant of time pressure; work best close to the deadlines.
* Instinctively avoid commitments which interfere with flexibility, freedom and variety

For the first one I can't work with out a plan. I have tried that with work and even though I may have completed the task I don't find fulfillment or like I have done my job.

Second one, multitask??? That and my name never go together. This is a major mistake if I try to multitask. One of two things happen, nothing gets accomplished and I can't remember what was done or needs to get done or two I get so stressed that just to maintain a normal composure is like trying to smother flames using a fan.

Third close to deadlines; no way not this kitty. I have to show up at least 1/2 hour to 15 minutes early just to adjust myself to the change in my surroundings. If reports have to be done in 3 weeks I will usually have them done by the 3rd or 4th day. Then they just sit waiting until the deadline. I get nervous if I have a speaking engagement or social situation coming close, the closer it gets the more anxious I become.

The fourth one, avoid commitments that interfere with freedom and variety. I don't think so. I told a student that failed to show up yesterday after school. That a man faces his responsibilities and problems head on. He doesn't run from them like a cockroach when the light is turned on. I think my J character is the most developed of the types.

It might be horrible if I was working on a busy front desk or as a waitress. I could never be overwhelmed with too many requests unless you want to find me utterly useless. LOL

Introverted 67
Sensing 62
Feeling 38
Judging 78

Just took this test looks like my J is the most pronounced characteristic. Could a characteristic be changed???
 

Grungemouse

Widdles in your cream.
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Feb 5, 2008
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Well, it is possible to be an ISFJ and be selfish. I'm probably wrong, but Si is about what makes yourself comfortable; be it through taste, aesthetics, texture. With this as an ISFJ's dominant function, I wouldn't put it past an ISFJ to have the tendency to prioritize their personal comforts before other people. The ISFJ I know is considerate of other peoples comforts, in a quiet and straightforward way, but if something makes her feel uncomfortable then she'll dig her heels in.
 

Eiddy

Pronounced eye-ee-dee
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hahaha so very true. I do want others to feel comfortable, but if it gets in my way (agenda) I point my finger and say in a weird Italian type accent "I kill you. I tell you. I kill you" then I laugh it off. That tends to break the ice with the students anyhow. Strangers in the street, however, I don't even notice if they exist.

Emm speaking of aesthetics and textures.. How did you know this?? I sucked my thumb for many years while touching anything satin. lol
 

FDG

pathwise dependent
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hahaha so very true. I do want others to feel comfortable, but if it gets in my way (agenda) I point my finger and say in a weird Italian type accent "I kill you. I tell you. I kill you" then I laugh it off. That tends to break the ice with the students anyhow. Strangers in the street, however, I don't even notice if they exist.

Io ti uccido, minchia
 

Athenian200

Protocol Droid
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I am selfish in that I want to turn into a hermit, I don't want to work like a donkey anymore. I am tired of spending money on living expenses and not on myself.

I want to become invisible so that no one can want or expect anything of me. I am tired of trying to make real face to face friends that only take and can't even pick up the phone to call me or come to see how I am doing. "Do I have a sign that reads take my time, my love, and attention, all you have to do is wait for me to show up." "Oh, and I don't ask for anything in return." Do I have to ask????

BLAH! what a crappy feeling..

I'm not an ISFJ, but...

I did this for similar reasons, and I'm still doing it. At first it was great, but over time it just began to feel like I had given up. Only now, I don't know how to go back. I'm too used to avoiding people and obsessing over the Internet at this point. I've basically become another of the countless ranks of Internet zombies that have lost most of their humanity.

If you have any will to keep going, do so, because it will be really tough to press yourself back into service once you've started to rust. If you feel like you're completely out of energy, you might want to consider becoming a hermit for a while. It might help you, and at least you'd likely be comfortable.
 

Snow Turtle

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May 28, 2007
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1,335
I'm not an ISFJ, but...

I did this for similar reasons, and I'm still doing it. At first it was great, but over time it just began to feel like I had given up. Only now, I don't know how to go back. I'm too used to avoiding people and obsessing over the Internet at this point. I've basically become another of the countless ranks of Internet zombies that have lost most of their humanity.

If you have any will to keep going, do so, because it will be really tough to press yourself back into service once you've started to rust. If you feel like you're completely out of energy, you might want to consider becoming a hermit for a while. It might help you, and at least you'd likely be comfortable.

Looks like the only method is forcing ourselves, despite all the uhhh feeling and there's got to be a smarter way around this problem. You rememeber the avoidance of pain discussion we had? Is it possibly linked to that as I've learnt over time that I've lost most of my will power to stick with things because of the rusting.

The only way possible seems to be getting into a constant motion.
 

Athenian200

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Looks like the only method is forcing ourselves, despite all the uhhh feeling and there's got to be a smarter way around this problem. You rememeber the avoidance of pain discussion we had? Is it possibly linked to that as I've learnt over time that I've lost most of my will power to stick with things because of the rusting.

The only way possible seems to be getting into a constant motion.

Yeah, that's what I was thinking. But that's the thing, isn't it? It's very hard to stick to something and get into a constant motion when you're not already doing so.

So if I'm right about the problem, I guess the solution is to start small. Try to commit yourself to do one thing you know you're capable of at a particular time every day for a given interval. Get used to it, and this will give you a little energy. Then, maybe you can channel that into getting into a routine with another activity (this time a more relevent one), and so on... until finally you've got enough energy and discipline back to make and stick to plans. This is just me guessing, though. I have no idea if it would actually work.

Did that make sense?
 
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