[SJ] Q for SJs: do you put up a facade?

[MacGuffin]

More. I don't think this is a trait found inall SJs, probably just ISTJs.

I see ISFJs do it. And ESFJs.

 

[Memphis]

I see ISFJs do it. And ESFJs.

My mother, clearly an ESFJ, does it every day. With people she know, and with strangers. She just straight up lies. I'm annoyed by it, because I can't ever get a straight answer from her when I ask how she is. She'll say everything is fine, perfect. Even in situations when everything clearly isn't fine. I've called her on it several times, but she'll deny everything being anything but fine. I think for her, it's the polite/appropriate answer. Something she obviously cares about.

 

[Gerbah]

Do you think you do this more or less than other kinds of people?

I couldn't say for sure. From personal experience of the people I know well, I'm the only with this particular kind of style, and none of them are ISTJs. E.g. I know one INFJ who's also rather careful about getting to know people but she is quite adaptable and can make the other person feel comfortable even though she's not very invested in that person or being that open with them. And she can do that with lots of different kinds of personalities. I'm not able to adapt like that so easily or naturally. It's hard for me not to be myself. So I will rather withdraw more or less of myself depending on the situation/person than change behaviour very much to fit.

 

[NewEra]

My mother, clearly an ESFJ, does it every day. With people she know, and with strangers. She just straight up lies. I'm annoyed by it, because I can't ever get a straight answer from her when I ask how she is. She'll say everything is fine, perfect. Even in situations when everything clearly isn't fine. I've called her on it several times, but she'll deny everything being anything but fine. I think for her, it's the polite/appropriate answer. Something she obviously cares about.

But see that's different - your mother probably knows you better than most other people in her life. But the trait that Gerbah mentioned was a person not saying/revealing much in the company of people he/she doesn't know well.

 

[Memphis]

But see that's different - your mother probably knows you better than most other people in her life. But the trait that Gerbah mentioned was a person not saying/revealing much in the company of people he/she doesn't know well.

I was answering the OP. And I thought it was about SJs and putting up a facade and keeping up appearances. I didn't read Gerbah's posts.

EDIT: I know where it all went wrong. I quoted the wrong post.

 

[EJCC]

My mother, clearly an ESFJ, does it every day. With people she know, and with strangers. She just straight up lies. I'm annoyed by it, because I can't ever get a straight answer from her when I ask how she is. She'll say everything is fine, perfect. Even in situations when everything clearly isn't fine. I've called her on it several times, but she'll deny everything being anything but fine. I think for her, it's the polite/appropriate answer. Something she obviously cares about.

OMG IT DRIVES ME NUTS WHEN PEOPLE DO THIS

WHY DO YOU NOT JUST TELL THE FREAKING TRUTH

:steam:

But on to the OP!

I have trouble with this sort of question, because I try to be a genuine, honest person, and I would HATE to be someone who lies constantly. There aren't many types of people that I just can't take, but compulsive liars are one of those types. I can't stand them!

But I suppose I do that if it's necessary. In response to the idea of "constant awareness" of how one wants to be perceived, if I do have that, it's subconscious. I'm not really thinking about it, but like most SJs, I've got self-created internal guidelines that I follow (like a subconscious code), so it's probably mixed in there. And there's also that I need to be liked (not sure how many other STJs feel like that...), so I suppose I'm a friendly and polite person in part because of that.

But I don't consider it to be a facade, since it's who I am personally. Everyone does that. Maybe it just seems like SJs do it more?

 

[KLessard]

Not being fake, but putting the best appearance forward.

We all do this to some extent, but I wonder if SJs take this to an extreme.

I see it myself.

My mother is ESTJ. I have never seen her put on a façade with close ones or people she knows well, put I have seen her being "nice" to acquaintances when she wants something or wants the person to agree with her, and I see it's not her natural self. She also makes a big nice effort when she wants a relationship to run smoothly, even if she doesn't feel nice, and it looks awfully fake to me. But I know she's doing it not to get mad and mean, and I honour her effort, because she can have a VERY bad temper.

I have never ever seen my pessimistic ISTJ brother doing anything of that sort.

I have though, seen SFJs putting on a "I love you so much" façade when they barely knew me and couldn't possibly feel that for me. Their true feelings were then revealed in their actions. So much hurt for me.
SFJs, what is your definition of integrity?

 

[Saslou]

OMG IT DRIVES ME NUTS WHEN PEOPLE DO THIS

WHY DO YOU NOT JUST TELL THE FREAKING TRUTH

Thank god, we are not all like this *Sigh*

I have though, seen SFJs putting on a "I love you so much" façade when they barely knew me and couldn't possibly feel that for me. Their true feelings were then revealed in their actions. So much hurt for me.

Sure they were SFJ's??? .. With me, you get no bullshit .. If i don't love you, you won't hear me say it .. same goes with hugs etc too .. I am a genuine person who enjoys genuine interactions with people .. To bullshit it is only insincere and that doesn't interest me.

 

[swordpath]

I'm anti-facade. I try not to do this in my life and I'm irritated when I see it in others. It's usually easy to see through anyways.