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[MBTI General] How can an INFJ win an ESFJ's heart?

Queen Kat

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Hi guys!

I have an INFJ-friend, and she is totally in love with an ESFJ. The problem is: she hasn't seen him for over a year and there is no one else who could ever win her heart, because that guy kinda saved her life two years ago. Now, she can't forget him, and I decided that this situation should change. And because there is no other guy who she would have a crush on, it's pretty obvious that she should do something about that ESFJ-guy. But what can she do? We know that he's pretty much into fishing, but fishing equipment is pretty expensive and she doesn't have enough money to buy it for him. But there is another problem: it wouldn't be easy for her to start seeing him, because his friends all hate her (and she hates his friends as well). So you see, she's in a lot of trouble now. What CAN she do to win his heart? How can she get back in touch with him without feeling like it's something awkard?
 

d@v3

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Hmm... it looks pretty bad. His friends hate her and she hates his friends. Obviously, that's never a good thing. Why do they hate eachother? :huh:
 

Queen Kat

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Well, this INFJ was bullied for years, it already started in elementary school, and she met these kids in high school. This ESFJ's friends were the popular kids, while the INFJ had a pretty bad image at school. Most people thought that she was weird, so she had a lot of trouble dealing with people there. But she had the most problems with the popular kids, obviously. They were the cruelest to her.
 

d@v3

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Why would she want to be date someone who is friends with people whom dislike her so much? I guess it depends on how he saved her- I mean, what he saved her from. Does she "love" him or has she just developed feelings for him because he saved her? Seems skeptical to me...

Either way, if his friends dislike her, there isn't much hope I don't think. :unsure: I'm sure the girls on here have much better advice than I do though! Let's here what they have to say! :yes:
 

invaderzim

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wow, his friends are evil people. but i don't think it can work. especially, if he loves his friends. being social is a huge part of being ESFJ.
 

Queen Kat

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Well, this INFJ tried to kill herself at prom night. She took a lot of painkillers and liquor, and this ESFJ made her puke it all out and stayed with her the whole night to make sure that she wouldn't do it again. This INFJ has told me many times how he was the only person who really understood her back then. Whenever she felt bad, he was the only one who noticed and she could just tell him anything. He didn't tell those things to other people, and he made her happy again.
 

nozflubber

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All i can think of when I see this question is: Why would the infj WANT to win it?
 

AphroditeGoneAwry

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i hate this about myself, but it usually takes me years to get over people. (i hope my crushes don't read this) there really are other fish in infj seas, although we really don't believe that whilst we pine away our lives. but, alas, we cling and cling and cling to no avail, usually. limboland is, admittedly, the worst. if she could just see firsthand how dicky his friends will be to her, and see him not stand up for her, that, would hopefully, be all it would take for her to go 'fishing' for more available fodder. that. or meeting someone new and wonderful to make her forget her savior, for a while at least, depending.

if this doesn't make sense, it's because english eesn't my first language.:azdaja:
 

Queen Kat

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I think because she loves him, nozflubber.
 

nozflubber

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friggin' emotions. Cut them off, that's the healthy thing to do!
 

Grungemouse

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Does he know about her feelings for him? Does he reciprocate them? I think those are the key points. If it's a yes and a no, then he isn't worth pursuing, in my book. I'd cut the ties with him and try to get over him ASAP. It's been a year. It took me a year to get over somebody (an ISTJ) and the only way I achieved it was coming to the conclusion that things weren't going to happen my way, so I found someone else.

Then again, I'm the opposite of his type. Plus, Pi logic is a stubborn mule.
 

Queen Kat

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The ESFJguy doesn't know about them, as far as I know. The INFJ has never told him and most people thought she was in love with someone else. I think that only her parents and her friends knew about it, but het parents think that she still has contact with that guy and most of her friends think she's already over him.
 

Snow Turtle

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That's so tragic and romantic in some ways.
Spending time with the ESFJ would be the quickest way to enhancing the relationship or crushing her idealism, which to be honest I'm sort of wary of. Your INFJ friend is in a stable mindset now hopefully? She's not going to do something rash if he's not interested at all.

The saving stuff... That sounds like something a fellow FJ person would do in any circumstances. But I suppose it's natural to fall for someone who saved you.
 

d@v3

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If the ESFJ does not stand up for her in front of his friends, then she should forget about him. That's should test her feelings for him quite well!;) (Although it could backfire if he actually DOES stand up for her! In which case, it would probably only intensify her feelings! :doh:) That might be too hard for her to do, but I'm an evil ST, what do I know about emotions?!! :devil:
 

Saslou

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If the ESFJ does not stand up for her in front of his friends, then she should forget about him. That's should test her feelings for him quite well!;) (Although it could backfire if he actually DOES stand up for her! In which case, it would probably only intensify her feelings! :doh:) That might be too hard for her to do, but I'm an evil ST, what do I know about emotions?!! :devil:

Evil ... never ;)
 

Queen Kat

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I just asked her, and she said that the ESFJ did stand up for her. Although his friends don't like her, it doesn't change his point of view on her. He still likes her. So, this might make the situation a bit easier.
 

d@v3

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But does he *like* her?

Yes, the million dollar question! I mean, if he stood up for her in front of his friends, then there is a good chance that he may, right? :huh: Otherwise, I suppose he could just be accomodating his status as a "gentleman" and being polite?
 

Snow Turtle

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Yeah. We are talking about ESFJ after all - An extraverted guardian.

Protection out of moral duty is obvious. Protection due to interest... *shrug*
 
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