Are ISFJs very affectionate?

[Udog]

I'm really surprised by everyone's responses. The ISFJ I am thinking of is very affectionate with me but it might be that he is doing that out of a sense of duty because I told him it's my favorite thing in the world. Not duty in the sense that it's a chore he hates doing but duty in the sense that he gets enjoyment out of taking care of me. I just hope it doesn't go away...

Sense of duty might be part of it, but I think you need to acknowledge the role that infatuation and lust play in a situation like this. I am not saying he is being disingenuous, but if he's infatuated or lustful expect his display of affections to be exaggerated.

maliafee's post seemed pretty good in that regard as to what to potentially expect.

 

[KarenParker]

Sure person #1 is ISFJ?

For sure, sister!

ISFJ Relationships
"They're great for providing for everyday basic needs, and have a depth of caring which is very unusual, and not found in most types. They highly invested in the health of their relationships, and will work very hard to make things run smoothly. They are dependable and affectionate lovers."

That is why I am surprised to hear the responses here! I looked at that website and it says that they are affectionate but reading this forum would suggest otherwise. I wonder why that is?

 

[KarenParker]

Sense of duty might be part of it, but I think you need to acknowledge the role that infatuation and lust play in a situation like this. I am not saying he is being disingenuous, but if he's infatuated or lustful expect his display of affections to be exaggerated.

maliafee's post seemed pretty good in that regard as to what to potentially expect.

I have thought about lust and infatuation playing a role. I don't think we are very lusty people. So I'm not sure about that one. Maybe infatuation. But I always thought infatuation was when you're really passionate about someone but you don't trust them and you're not really loyal to them and that's not the case at all with us. Only time will tell. I appreciate the response.

 

[maliafee]

ISFJs are rather affectionate AT FIRST! After a time, the affectionate is doled out at the appropriate times. I will say that if I am affectionate first, it is ALWAYS reciprocated.

 

[KarenParker]

ISFJs are rather affectionate AT FIRST! After a time, the affectionate is doled out at the appropriate times. I will say that if I am affectionate first, it is ALWAYS reciprocated.

Oh for sure. I'm sure it's like that for every relationship.

 

[Udog]

Maybe infatuation. But I always thought infatuation was when you're really passionate about someone but you don't trust them and you're not really loyal to them and that's not the case at all with us. Only time will tell. I appreciate the response.

Naw, trust nor loyalty are part of infatuation one way or the other, outside of neither really being a requirement for it.

1 : to cause to be foolish : deprive of sound judgment
2 : to inspire with a foolish or extravagant love or admiration

Please understand I don't mean this in a bad way. It's actually very common, healthy, and to me important part of the early part of the relationship. Eventually the infatuation wears off, and can either be replaced with love or with nothing (which usually leads to a breakup).

But it exaggerates and intensifies. That intensity is probably causing him to show his affections in an "extravagant" manner.

Again, this isn't a bad thing! I'm just stating that this is probably in part why you are experiencing a disconnect between your experiences and the replies of this forum.

 

[Snow Turtle]

Meh... The way I see it.
ISFJs are somewhat frigid folk, who like to express themselves mostly in privacy. There are plenty who are somewhat shy about large displays of affection, although the more secure and mature ones might be able to overcome that.

Why the shyness about PDA?
Well... it's the same reason that some ISFJs are known to flirt by acting all coy like.

 

[maliafee]

Oh for sure. I'm sure it's like that for every relationship.

Not necessarily. Just ask my first boyfriend!!!

Naw, trust nor loyalty are part of infatuation one way or the other, outside of neither really being a requirement for it.

Please understand I don't mean this in a bad way. It's actually very common, healthy, and to me important part of the early part of the relationship. Eventually the infatuation wears off, and can either be replaced with love or with nothing (which usually leads to a breakup).

But it exaggerates and intensifies. That intensity is probably causing him to show his affections in an "extravagant" manner.

Again, this isn't a bad thing! I'm just stating that this is probably in part why you are experiencing a disconnect between your experiences and the replies of this forum.

I've read that infatuation never "wears off" in couples that remain together and still care (even if it seems to have worn off). In fact, scientists have found that the same amounts of dopamine are being released in the brain years later, but the body has gotten used to it and are not releasing so much adrenaline so it feels as though the "spark" or "infatuation" has worn off.

 

[Venom]

Not necessarily. Just ask my first boyfriend!!!




I've read that infatuation never "wears off" in couples that remain together and still care (even if it seems to have worn off). In fact, scientists have found that the same amounts of dopamine are being released in the brain years later, but the body has gotten used to it and are not releasing so much adrenaline so it feels as though the "spark" or "infatuation" has worn off.

i think you're are reffering to Limerence - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia ...i dont think scientists would say that "infatuation never wears off". They would say that rather than dopamine being released for reasons of excitement, its released for reasons of assurance (security in the relationship). im not sure id call it infatuation.

 

[maliafee]

i think you're are reffering to Limerence - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia ...i dont think scientists would say that "infatuation never wears off". They would say that rather than dopamine being released for reasons of excitement, its released for reasons of assurance (security in the relationship). im not sure id call it infatuation.

Touché!

 

[countrygirl]

I am not affectionate in public. I don't do hugs and will stop other people from hugging me. The most my husband and I will do is give a peck on the mouth and hold hands in public. I actually don't like hugs from people I don't know. I find it an invasion of my personal space. This tends to be more of an introvert trait. In private, I get my 'touching' needs met through my children and husband and I am extremely affectionate.

Once I have my baby, I will probably be all 'touched out' and will not need or want any touching from anyone. However, the one exception to this will be my children.

 

[Eiddy]

I think I am very loving. If I like you, than you will know about it. If I don't then you probably won't see me around very much or I might just keep my distance. I hate conflicts, life is too short for those games.

I consider my love for my husband as deeper than openingly passionate. It's more like an old elderly couple that have loved each other since they where high school sweet hearts. I rarely demand anything from anyone other than good behavior from my kids and hopefully students, adults well it's not my business.

If my husband is busy doing something I often will come up and give him a peck on the cheek. A bear hug every once in awhile. As for my kids I will give them a kiss on the cheek in public, a hug or walk with my arm around them. However it embarrasses my 15 year old, my 11 year old and 10 year old don't mind. My 3 year old is a bit rebellious it all depends on her mood. Mostly she would rather I carry her; depending on my energy level I usually don't mind.

We may not be the artistic romantic type however we guard, stand up and protect those under our care. Ultimately known as reliable and not given into pleasure seeking behaviors.

So it really depends on the type of affection you are asking about.

 

[Grungemouse]

Why the shyness about PDA?
Well... it's the same reason that some ISFJs are known to flirt by acting all coy like.

I had a feeling ISFJs weren't overly keen on PDA. I'm not keen on it myself. Just as well.

I'm still confused about ISFJs "acting coy". Can you elaborate on that, or distinguish it from being genuinely disinterested? I was talking to my ISFJ over IM and I was getting round to asking for a date/meet up/however you would call it. This is basically how it went (this was sometime last week):

ISFJ: [...] Yeah, I'm the same. I'm so disorganized too!
Me: Well, if you're so disorganized, I'm guessing you haven't organized any plans for the weekend?
ISFJ: Besides [insert friend's name] having a birthday party, nope. No plans. =]
Me: I don't have any plans either, besides a day out in London.
ISFJ: Coolio.
Me: (*sweatdrop*) Yeah.
[conversation dies for a couple of minutes]
ISFJ: I think Easter's pointless !

I never got round to asking her until this Tuesday. I decided not to bottle it and be direct about my intentions. It went something like this:

Me: Doing anything interesting next Saturday, then?
ISFJ: Nope! I haven't got any plans. You?
Me: Same, hence why I asked. Wanna meet up?
ISFJ: Sure, why not.

Besides me suggesting the meet up, she's arranged everything. xD What we're doing, what film we're seeing, what time and place we're meeting, etc. Is that a good sign?

 

[Eiddy]

Its fantastic!

 

[spirilis]

Hmm well, I can say with my new g/f she's very easily embarrassed by PDA, especially around our friends who tease the living hell out of us I seem to take that teasing much better than she does, as for me it feels like I'm on stage, in a way. But in private she's reciprocated anything I've done and really SQUEEEEEES over it.

 

[substitute]

I actually don't like hugs from people I don't know. I find it an invasion of my personal space. This tends to be more of an introvert trait.

True... though I don't think you'll find many ExTx's are particularly touchy-feely either, though I think ESTP's can be sometimes if they're in that exuberant mood they sometimes get. But I totally relate about strangers invading personal space. Even though I know they mean well usually, I still don't like it :/

 

[Lightning_Rider]

Here's my thoughts.

Well I don't believe in extreme PDA's but holding hands, hugging, little touches etc, stuff like that is completely fine by me. When in private, I think affection is very appropriate and is important for a healthy relationship.

Basically I think PDAs should be done within reason but I do welcome them.

 

[Snow Turtle]

I had a feeling ISFJs weren't overly keen on PDA. I'm not keen on it myself. Just as well.

I'm still confused about ISFJs "acting coy". Can you elaborate on that, or distinguish it from being genuinely disinterested? I was talking to my ISFJ over IM and I was getting round to asking for a date/meet up/however you would call it. This is basically how it went (this was sometime last week):


Besides me suggesting the meet up, she's arranged everything. xD What we're doing, what film we're seeing, what time and place we're meeting, etc. Is that a good sign?

Haha. Yeah it's a good sign.

Guess the whole coy attitude will vary in intensity depending on how shy the actual ISFJ is. It's a case of very small pokes to gauge their reaction - and those that I'm closest to usually get teased a fair bit.

Funny though~ I never initiate contact with others or assume that they're intersted unless it's really obvious even if I'd love to hang about with others, which reminds me. There's an ISFJ I'd like to hang around more often.

Guess someone needs to be the initiator of the original meet up.

 

[lbloom]

From a data set of one, ISFJs can be quite affectionate in private. While physical touch is appreciated, they can really like verbal affirmation, and will provide this till you get the hint about returning it. They definitely thrive on it.

In public, I'd say that a little overt display can be appreciated, especially for the signals that it sends to others that she's taken, and that you're in charge. Beyond that may induce embarrassment.

Since they are likely to value traditional gender roles at least somewhat, ISFJ behavior may seem to be quite different for males.

 

[FDG]

My ISFJ girlfriends have all been quite affectionate. I mean, not in screaming positive emotions and "I LOVE YOU" kind of thing (which I'd abhor), more like hugs and kisses and stuff. Of course, I'm Italian, so part of it may just be cultural.