[MBTI General] xSTJ --details, questions and wanting to know EVERYTHING! (FBI agent personality)

[alexx]

My bf is an ISTJ and he wants to know every single detail of every single thing. He asks me every question under the sun what did I do in detail at the gym to how much did I spend on my groceries. I'm starting to think this is a personality trait of the STJ. Wanting to know everything. As an ENFP, I'm pretty vague generally and don't really find reliving every single boring detail of every single thing very fun for me, especially when it has to do with money and how much in detail that I spent on something. Sometimes I just say "I don't know" because I can't be bothered because it annoys me or sometimes I really cannot remember. This bothers him endlessly. Just wondering if you do this, too? Is there a way to get him to lay off the endless questions??

I would also like to add that we're having a long distance relationship and I think this could be part of it, too.

O sweetie. I just got out of a 5 year relationship with an ISTJ. We met in a video game about 6 years ago. I moved across states to be with him after 2 years. He would always ask me questions about every little thing - even down to who I talked to that day.

I kind of shrugged it off thinking he was just a very inquisitive person. Then it got worse.

I started getting spied on. I had chat logs restored from a formated hard drive - that out of months of logs etc he found one item that could even be considered questionable - and I heard about it for years even after proving my innocence. It got really bad.

The thing is in his mind me not divulging every single iota of information meant I was lying or hiding something. In our minds it really isnt a big deal - but to some S.O.'s its a HUGE DEAL.

There is no way to get him to stop. You need to just answer them the best you can. Offer the information if need be because the next step is the accusations and then the snooping. Hell, you may even take notes if you have to so that you can remember!!!!

I don't know if its a type thing or what but I could have written that post up there a few years ago.

Nightmare.

 

[OregonENFP]

I think part of it is that he (as an ISTJ) is trying to gather all the info about you he can, including those mundane details, as he really misses you given the long-distance factor.

Why not share personality types with him? Show him your profile and his, and let him delve into the details of those between times you talk so he can eat up more info on you while not talking to you and at the same time learning about your temperament/personality a bit better. ISTJ's, in my experience, do enjoy finding out about type. They like explanations and systems and keys to information and systems. Try it?! =)

He hates this type of thing!! HATES IT. Hates that I want to know about personality types and thinks it's a waste of time.

 

[Cimarron]

In this thread, we have people telling stories spanning from the ISTJ having the best of intentions to almost lacking sense altogether. I think they've all fit, and all show well ISTJ behavior, with some ISTJs handling it well, and others not handling it well. (And, related to the thread title, that these would fit ESTJs rather well, too.)

 

[Rachelinpa]

He hates this type of thing!! HATES IT. Hates that I want to know about personality types and thinks it's a waste of time.

Hahaha. Yeah, so does my roommate. It overwhelms him. He would much rather sit down with his excel spreadsheet and crunch numbers than hear me talk about MBTI.

 

[Udog]

He hates this type of thing!! HATES IT. Hates that I want to know about personality types and thinks it's a waste of time.

I'm posting to play around with an idea. So I can't promise 100% accuracy.

MBTI is all about potentials, what decisions we MIGHT make, how we MIGHT think, where we MIGHT go next, all assuming we fit the mold of a profile. Too many maybes and ifs. He might find MBTI useful in understanding why something played out the way it did in retrospect, though. Perhaps try approaching it in that context, where you apply it to something concrete instead of using it to theorize. It could make a good transition to him opening up to the value of theoretical use.

Shopping receipts tell him decisions you have made. They give him an idea of what kind of money you spend, what you like, where you go shopping, etc. Exercises at the gym? Same idea. He gathers information and data (Te) to so he can experience, understand, and recall what your day was like. That's how he likes to get into your head and relate to you. To him, it's very possibly not about being nosy, but an attempt to bond.

To make it easier for you to deal with, I'd try seeing what level of detail he needs to satisfy that need. (It may not be as detailed as you think.) Try substituting greater detail with bigger picture motivation. You went to the gym and worked out such and such muscle groups. Tell him the exercises you did to use that. Instead of sharing weights or specific times, though, say that you increased your exercise load, but only slightly, because you were tired and didn't want to push yourself.

See the substitution of motivation for detail at the end?

Slowly continue doing that until he starts to get upset. That will tell you what level of detail he needs to feel like he is bonding and relating to you properly.

If he actually needs receipts, and reps and weight, you might need to figure out if you are okay with his need to keep tabs on every little thing in your life...

 

[jenocyde]

Tell him the exercises you did to use that. Instead of sharing weights or specific times, though, say that you increased your exercise load, but only slightly, because you were tired and didn't want to push yourself.

See the substitution of motivation for detail at the end?

I guess I can see why someone would think this is bonding, but I could never do that. The more someone asks me details about my life, the more elusive I get. I babble and share details constantly as a common practice, esp. as an E, but when someone expects it or needs it, it feels off and weird to me. Feels very nosy and controlling. For me, that would not be a love connection! Oh well, I guess there's someone for everyone, right? Glad I found this forum - I'm not so quick to right someone off as being an asshole anymore...

 

[Udog]

I guess I can see why someone would think this is bonding, but I could never do that. The more someone asks me details about my life, the more elusive I get. I babble and share details constantly as a common practice, esp. as an E, but when someone expects it or needs it, it feels off and weird to me. Feels very nosy and controlling. For me, that would not be a love connection! Oh well, I guess there's someone for everyone, right? Glad I found this forum - I'm not so quick to right someone off as being an asshole anymore...

Quite possibly the best use of MBTI! That and figuring out what motivates certain breed of assholes so you can use that information against them.

I tend to agree with you, though. Giving me space and privacy shows you trust me, and I value that greatly. I couldn't deal with an overbearing relationship for very long.

 

[alexx]

He hates this type of thing!! HATES IT. Hates that I want to know about personality types and thinks it's a waste of time.

Mine did too. I *just* managed to get him to take the test, but anything past that he would call it a bunch of BS or just not care at all. I mean - beyond the normal amount of dislike for anything.

 

[Ozz]

He hates this type of thing!! HATES IT. Hates that I want to know about personality types and thinks it's a waste of time.

I am an ISTJ and I like personality types. It is a good framework to organize my friends

 

[Ozz]

BUT I know when to stop asking questions as it annoys some people.

I think we all learn to do this at some point. But if I drink some alcohol, I'll start asking tons of detail oriented questions..

 

[lifeintechnicolor]

Ugh. I agree with a jenocyde, sometime I really don't appreciate it when an xSTJ grills me. My parents are both xstj's. My dad is an ISTJ, so he isn't as outgoing in conversations with me. I usually end up blabbing my head off about whatever frustrates me in the world anyway. As for my mom, the ESTJ, everyday is like a freaking interrogation. She constantly looks over my shoulder to check my brother's facebook. She makes me read his statuses and his friends' comments to her. She asks me who I'm talking to. She asks me what they said. I CAN'T SUM UP A WHOLE CONVERSATION LIKE THAT! What did I do today? What did I have for lunch? Who did I talk to? What did people say specifically in my conversations? What did I say after that? What about them? Then what? Urrgh, no offense to xSTJ's, but you guys really grind my gears sometimes. ENTP's aren't wired to tolerate this kind of thing in heavy doses.

 

[Eiddy]

So what exactly did you do today lifeintechnicolor?

 

[lifeintechnicolor]

So what exactly did you do today lifeintechnicolor?

 

[Eiddy]

Your cute!

 

[lifeintechnicolor]

Your cute!

Thanks.

Ugh. The ESTJ is at it again...

 

[violaine]

My bf is an ISTJ and he wants to know every single detail of every single thing. He asks me every question under the sun what did I do in detail at the gym to how much did I spend on my groceries. I'm starting to think this is a personality trait of the STJ. Wanting to know everything. As an ENFP, I'm pretty vague generally and don't really find reliving every single boring detail of every single thing very fun for me, especially when it has to do with money and how much in detail that I spent on something. Sometimes I just say "I don't know" because I can't be bothered because it annoys me or sometimes I really cannot remember. This bothers him endlessly. Just wondering if you do this, too? Is there a way to get him to lay off the endless questions??

I would also like to add that we're having a long distance relationship and I think this could be part of it, too.

I had a similar experience with the ISTJ I was with. It was unbearable. I tried to get him to understand how aggravating and painful it was to account for seemingly every minute of every day. Especially as I am responsible, it felt like someone watching my every move. It got to the point where I would refuse to answer him about those things.

It wasn't a long distance relationship.

 

[Ozz]

That would explain why possible career path for ISTJ and ESTJ include Police and Detectives work.

 

[FDG]

Ahah yeah, my ISTJ father does that sometimes. When it gets annoying, I'll start telling him something like "yeah, and then I went to the park, had some heroine with my druggie friends, we robbed a shop and I accidentally killed two people". Then he stops, lol.

 

[Virtual ghost]

Ahah yeah, my ISTJ father does that sometimes. When it gets annoying, I'll start telling him something like "yeah, and then I went to the park, had some heroine with my druggie friends, we robbed a shop and I accidentally killed two people". Then he stops, lol.

I use the same approach against SJs that are like this.

 

[Cimarron]

I use the same approach against SJs that are like this.

You know that it doesn't scare them; they know when you're being ridiculous and unrealistic. They just get annoyed, and stop listening to you. Or they might try to force the conversation back to their (the SJs') topic of discussion, or force it back within realistic boundaries. (depends upon a lot of situational variables)