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[MBTI General] xSTJ --details, questions and wanting to know EVERYTHING! (FBI agent personality)

OregonENFP

New member
Joined
Mar 19, 2009
Messages
78
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
4
My bf is an ISTJ and he wants to know every single detail of every single thing. He asks me every question under the sun what did I do in detail at the gym to how much did I spend on my groceries. I'm starting to think this is a personality trait of the STJ. Wanting to know everything. As an ENFP, I'm pretty vague generally and don't really find reliving every single boring detail of every single thing very fun for me, especially when it has to do with money and how much in detail that I spent on something. Sometimes I just say "I don't know" because I can't be bothered because it annoys me or sometimes I really cannot remember. This bothers him endlessly. Just wondering if you do this, too? Is there a way to get him to lay off the endless questions??

I would also like to add that we're having a long distance relationship and I think this could be part of it, too.
 

Saslou

New member
Joined
Feb 1, 2009
Messages
4,910
MBTI Type
ESFJ
My bf is an ISTJ and he wants to know every single detail of every single thing. He asks me every question under the sun what did I do in detail at the gym to how much did I spend on my groceries. I'm starting to think this is a personality trait of the STJ. Wanting to know everything. As an ENFP, I'm pretty vague generally and don't really find reliving every single boring detail of every single thing very fun for me, especially when it has to do with money and how much in detail that I spent on something. Sometimes I just say "I don't know" because I can't be bothered because it annoys me or sometimes I really cannot remember. This bothers him endlessly. Just wondering if you do this, too? Is there a way to get him to lay off the endless questions??

I read this thread earlier and honestly my first thought was "good luck love" .. seeing that no one has replied yet, you can have my 2 cents .. Have people walked all over him in life or had a girlfriend who has cheated on him? .. i ask because him questioning every detail seems a bit WOOOO .. Don't get me wrong, i do ask questions .. but its more a mental tick list for me .. your BF seems a little obsessive with it all .. Does he have OCD??? Don't take what i am saying as a poke at him, i am not .. I am just saying it how it is .. You'll get used to me after a while ..

Sit him down and ask him if he trusts you .. its that simple, explain that you ain't going to squander all the money and leave him bankrupt because you ARE with him and love him and that's all that matters .. Tell him the minor details should not be a worry .. but instead concentrate on the happy times we share .. failing that .. make him a drink when you come back from anywhere and lace it with some sleeping tablets .. you'll get a few hours peace and quiet ;) .. :p
 

ajblaise

Minister of Propagandhi
Joined
Aug 3, 2008
Messages
7,914
MBTI Type
INTP
Give really ambiguous answers, and keep getting more vague the further the questioning goes, until you're questioning the meaning of life.
 

Saslou

New member
Joined
Feb 1, 2009
Messages
4,910
MBTI Type
ESFJ
Give really ambiguous answers, and keep getting more vague the further the questioning goes, until you're questioning the meaning of life.

That is evil .. that's right, mess with the mind .. i liked the sleeping tablets idea better .. lol ..;)
 

ajblaise

Minister of Propagandhi
Joined
Aug 3, 2008
Messages
7,914
MBTI Type
INTP
That is evil .. that's right, mess with the mind .. i liked the sleeping tablets idea better .. lol ..;)

It's the only thing INTPs are exceptionally good at, it's all we got!
 

Saslou

New member
Joined
Feb 1, 2009
Messages
4,910
MBTI Type
ESFJ
It's the only thing INTPs are exceptionally good at, it's all we got!

I hope you see that as a weakness that you are trying to improve on .. As someone who has been totally head fucked by men .. well you wouldn't know what i am feeling now ..
 

ajblaise

Minister of Propagandhi
Joined
Aug 3, 2008
Messages
7,914
MBTI Type
INTP
I hope you see that as a weakness that you are trying to improve on .. As someone who has been totally head fucked by men .. well you wouldn't know what i am feeling now ..

Usually it's not on purpose, when I would rather it not happen.
 

d@v3

Perfect Gentleman! =D
Joined
Nov 20, 2008
Messages
2,830
MBTI Type
ISTJ
I love asking questions! :D It is how I learn... you see, if we get a fact we will remember it for a very long time. :yes: BUT I know when to stop asking questions as it annoys some people. :) I have more than once gotten the "WHAT IS THIS AN INTERROGATION" or similar reponse. ;)
 

raz

Let's make this showy!
Joined
Nov 11, 2008
Messages
2,523
MBTI Type
LoLz
There are other ways to socialize than interrogating?
 

d@v3

Perfect Gentleman! =D
Joined
Nov 20, 2008
Messages
2,830
MBTI Type
ISTJ
I don't think people mind some of the questions, it's just that we tend to question them in such a blunt way that it FEELS like an interrogation. :D
 

Eiddy

Pronounced eye-ee-dee
Joined
Apr 20, 2009
Messages
757
MBTI Type
DEAD
Enneagram
1w2
Well what usually helps me is: I come home, plop down on the couch. Turn to him and say "I am so glad to be back home, it was horrible going over there, really there is no place like home. Where I can kick off my shoes, sit back and relax on my own couch. I don't have to worry about making small talk and being the perfect guest. Even the way back home was a disaster, this happened then that happened etc. I am so glad to be back home with you. Really it would have been much nicer to have been here next to you. I am glad I won't have to go through that again for quite a while. How has your day been honey? Did you miss me?"

Use it in any situation just change the place and discomforts of being away from home or him around.

Oh and say it in all sincerity. Next time he won't mind letting you go as much.

About the money well since I earn it, I think I deserve to spend part of it on myself as needed or as wanted (within limits of course.) Something you might have to work out with him. If there is a spending limit; both of you state that if you spend more than $100 for instance, then you will contact each other by mobile if need be.

Hope that helps.
 

BlackCat

Shaman
Joined
Nov 19, 2008
Messages
7,038
MBTI Type
ESFP
Enneagram
9w8
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
ISJs thrive on details, they are how ISJs form an understanding of things, and it annoys you to give it to your BF. Sounds like an issue. If they ask you those questions then they just want to know more, to assimilate more into their minds. It's also showing that they care. It's how they function.
 

jenocyde

half mystic, half skeksis
Joined
Jan 2, 2009
Messages
6,387
MBTI Type
ENTP
Enneagram
7w8
I can identify with the OP, I have SJs in my life that always make me feel like a criminal. And being an ENTP means that I don't pay attention to the details anyway, so I get pounced on if I mix something up that's minuscule, like where I went first that day. Who the hell can remember that anyway? I just meander around...

It feels like controlling behavior, even if it's not meant to be. It's one thing to ask general questions, but it's quite another to grill someone. I used to have this roommate who would always ask me what I bought every time I went to the drugstore across the street. One time, just to shut him up, I lied and blurted out something embarrassing and private - well, he turned bright red and never asked me that question again. Which is good. I could never imagine asking someone a question like that.
 

OregonENFP

New member
Joined
Mar 19, 2009
Messages
78
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
4
I can identify with the OP, I have SJs in my life that always make me feel like a criminal. And being an ENTP means that I don't pay attention to the details anyway, so I get pounced on if I mix something up that's minuscule, like where I went first that day. Who the hell can remember that anyway? I just meander around...

It feels like controlling behavior, even if it's not meant to be. It's one thing to ask general questions, but it's quite another to grill someone. I used to have this roommate who would always ask me what I bought every time I went to the drugstore across the street. One time, just to shut him up, I lied and blurted out something embarrassing and private - well, he turned bright red and never asked me that question again. Which is good. I could never imagine asking someone a question like that.

OMG, this made me laugh out loud. I love the 'feel like a criminal' part. haha.... I totally relate to what you said about paying attention to details. I have 'messed up' some of the things I told him about details and boy does he remember that stuff.

I don't think the embarrassing answer thing would work for me but I'm glad it worked for you!!!
 

Cimarron

IRL is not real
Joined
Aug 21, 2008
Messages
3,417
MBTI Type
ISTJ
Enneagram
5w6
Instinctual Variant
sp/so
This doesn't solve the whole thing, but you could save the receipts from when you shop.
 

jenocyde

half mystic, half skeksis
Joined
Jan 2, 2009
Messages
6,387
MBTI Type
ENTP
Enneagram
7w8
^^ That was hilarious!!

Seriously, though - what do you get out of knowing every thing I bought or every place I went? I could see if there was some use to the knowledge, but I'm at a loss here...
 

maliafee

Active member
Joined
Feb 10, 2009
Messages
1,127
I think part of it is that he (as an ISTJ) is trying to gather all the info about you he can, including those mundane details, as he really misses you given the long-distance factor.

Why not share personality types with him? Show him your profile and his, and let him delve into the details of those between times you talk so he can eat up more info on you while not talking to you and at the same time learning about your temperament/personality a bit better. ISTJ's, in my experience, do enjoy finding out about type. They like explanations and systems and keys to information and systems. Try it?! =)
 
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