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  1. #61
    half mystic, half skeksis jenocyde's Avatar
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    Jan 2009


    Quote Originally Posted by AutumnReverie View Post
    Haha true! In that case I would ask "I thought x was your favorite?" and you would say "Well, I've changed my mind. I now love z". Then I would have two new "facts" about you: 1) you have a new favorite food and 2) you change your mind quite often and sometimes without reason.

  2. #62
    Senior Member AutumnReverie's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2009


    I'm glad you're enjoying my SJ!
    After all,
    you're my wonderwall...

    {listen: }

  3. #63
    Senior Member Eagle's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2009
    1w9 sx/so


    Quote Originally Posted by AutumnReverie View Post
    Why do we sometimes ask questions about seemingly "mundane" things?

    To quote Dave...

    I ask because it's how I learn. It's true that your answers to some (or all) of these questions won't "affect my life"...but it helps me learn more about you. Some questions help me learn about bigger things like your values/beliefs/etc. and other questions help me learn the details of your personality -- the little things, that may seem meaningless to you, but that I find interesting.

    Also if I learn a particular "fact" about you, I won't ever forget it.

    So for example, if I asked "what kind of cereal did you eat this morning?" and you replied "Cheerios" and I asked "oh, do you always eat that type?" and you replied "yes, it's always been my favorite. I hate xxxx kind of cereal," that's something I'll always remember and you'll never have to tell me again. It could be three years down the line on your birthday and you wake up to find a cabinet full of cheerios that say "happy birthday" on the box (or...something less lame than that )

    I usually show that I care about someone, not through my words or touchy-feely displays, but through subtle actions. And I choose these actions using information that I've received from you or learned about you.

    For example, I had a conversation once where I asked a friend of mine questions about languages. In one of his answers, he told me that he though Italian was a very interesting language and he'd think someone who spoke it would be interesting. After that, we never once talked about the Italian language again. At least 8 months later, he kept bugging me to sign his yearbook for sentimental value. I took the yearbook, wrote what I had prepared to write to Italian. When he saw it, he flipped out and was extremely happy that I actually remembered that detail about him.

    I meant that they still want to talk to me "in general" but they just don't want to talk about that particular topic...which is why I then wait for them to redirect the conversation to something else or I go ahead and redirect the conversation to something else.

    If someone doesn't want to talk about a certain subject and expresses that or says that, then I won't ask them about it anymore. I've actually never had that happen to me before though, since I don't usually ask particularly intrusive questions. Anything I ask could be asked in a classroom setting (a psych class, a ethics class, a political science class, etc.)

    I'm sorry if my use of the "give in" phrase had a more serious tone then I intended, I meant it more as a joke which is why I put quotes around the word (in response to the controlling aspect that was talked about earlier). I can tell you honestly that I don't ask questions as a means to "control" the person or get control. Like I said before, I do it to learn about the person and possibly spark an interesting conversation (which will also help me learn about the person). That's it.
    Quote Originally Posted by AutumnReverie View Post
    Yeah, I understand where you are coming from. I wouldn't want anyone to feel suffocated or controlled, since I would never do that intentionally.

    I like the "share my life" example that you gave as well. I'll definitely try that form of bonding/learning in the future, when I try to gather information about an individual. Oh...wait...that probably sounds kind of bad, yes? Correction: when I try to bond and learn about an individual.

    I guess questions/answers are just more concrete for me. I could observe that a person consistently orders a particular meal every time we go out to eat. From that, yes, I could possibly infer that the meal is that person's favorite and use that detail in the future to do something nice for that person. However, I don't know for sure. There could be various reasons why the person consistently orders that meal (health reasons, financial reasons, "it's just the best thing out of a variety of crappy things on the menu" reasons, etc.). But if I ask "is that your all-time favorite meal?" then I would know for sure. That detail of their personality would be "fact" in my mind, and I would feel confident about it. By the way, that's not to say that I take everything someone says about themselves as "fact". In my mind it wouldn't be "her favorite meal is this", it'd be "she strongly believes that her favorite meal is -this-, yet perhaps I've seen her eat -that- more often"

    Haha, I think I just need to tell myself that I don't need to know all the details/facts to learn about someone. It's easier for me, but maybe not for them. Maybe, like with you, they'd rather not talk and answer questions...maybe they'd rather do something with me and learn that way.'s hard for me though, I love questions so much (and it really does make me feel like I'm bonding with the person)!

    Eh, I never do that. Thank goodness! I'm a fairly private person, so I don't tell people things about my life unless they directly ask.

    I do both -- conversation about our own lives or converstation about external topics (the news, an article, etc.)

    Yes, politics and psych can be very personal and get heated depending on who you're talking to. Which is why it's best to know your audience. Every time I've debated/discussed with people about those types of issues, the discussion has always been a nice mix of interesting/thought-provoking and hilarious/fun. Mostly because I know where I stand on issues and am firm in my beliefs, but I would never judge anyone else for thinking differently. I wouldn't ask a question and refuse to hear or respect the answer. I ask because I'm interested in a different point of view, and I can listen to that, input my own thoughts, and have also have fun with it. If I sense someone else can do the same, then I know it's probably okay to go there with them.
    Quote Originally Posted by AutumnReverie View Post
    Haha true! In that case I would ask "I thought x was your favorite?" and you would say "Well, I've changed my mind. I now love z". Then I would have two new "facts" about you: 1) you have a new favorite food and 2) you change your mind quite often and sometimes without reason.

    Yes an NP and SJ combination could possibly be a disaster if there's miscommunication.

    You're welcome! I'm glad that I've talked to you as well. I'll definitely try to keep in mind what you've said in the future. I'd hate to accidentally drive someone away when all I was actually trying to do was getting to know them.
    All good. I'm posting this because I agree and so that I can find these posts later.
    - Caleb

    "I am what I need to be..."

    "Nemo me impune lacessit - No one provokes me with impunity."

  4. #64
    just a vessel EJCC's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    173 so/sx


    Quote Originally Posted by Qre:us View Post
    It's an interrogation when one, proportionally, is the questioner and the other the questioned. If, like a normal conversation, the other person breaks up questions with insights, commentary, a know, to flesh out the conversation, give a direction to why the questions, a GIVE AND TAKE (note the 'give' part)...then, it's cool, and I'll go on for hours. And, I did with her, ISTJ. Very fun conversations. But, if you are firing questions, without any feel to justify the questions somehow with statements of context, insight, etc....then, yeah, I'm left feeling merely questioned. And, I'm gonna come back at you, hard.
    Wow. Interesting. Thank you for the insight. I'm quite the opposite - being questioned actually makes me feel appreciated, because it means that, by answering the questions, I'm useful. And being useful is nice. I get annoyed when people DON'T ask me questions in conversation (for the same reason as you: give and take).

    Quote Originally Posted by OregonENFP View Post
    He hates this type of thing!! HATES IT. Hates that I want to know about personality types and thinks it's a waste of time.
    Is it possible that SJs are generally more resistant to typological categorization? I mean, in terms of whether they actually like it/accept it or not?

    I have an ISFJ friend who got really annoyed at the test after she took it because she thought it was trying to put her in a tiny little box (and she obsessed over how one particular site told her that she would be a good secretary, when she would HATE being a secretary*). I tried to explain to her that it doesn't explain YOU, it just explains how you THINK... but she didn't listen to me.

    EDIT: To respond to the OP, I do that too. I think it's meant to be affectionate - i.e. "I want to be involved in your life, because I love you! I'm able to remember all these details to ask you about because I care THAT much (even though I'm not good at showing it most of the time)!". That's how it is with ME, anyway - but I'm not of the type in question.
    On a related note, I've never questioned people to the point that they've gotten annoyed at me before (except for teachers, when I was in school - I always wanted to know every last detail of every assignment so that I could do it RIGHT).

    *Similarly, I obsessed for a while after I first took the test about how I would supposedly be an excellent soldier. Then I realized that, in another life, I really would be. Just not in this one
    EJCC: "The Big Questions in my life right now: 1) What am I willing to live with? 2) What do I have to live with? 3) What can I change for the better?"
    Coriolis: "Is that the ESTJ Serenity Prayer?"

    ESTJ - LSE - ESTj (mbti/socionics)
    1w2/7w8/3w4 so/sx (enneagram)
    member of the month (May 2018)
    want to ask me something? go for it!

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