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[MBTI General] how do you bring out your E?

warm8

New member
Joined
Mar 15, 2009
Messages
98
MBTI Type
ESFP
hello! I'm an ISFJ male and have been dating an ENFP for almost 6 months now. we get along really well and have a ton of things in common, except that I'm really introverted and she's really extroverted. that extroverted side sometimes gets to me though, and I know our relationship would be much better if I could just open up and stop being as introverted as I am.

can anyone help with this? how can I become more of an extrovert?
 

Warm

Member
Joined
Dec 28, 2008
Messages
727
MBTI Type
ISFJ
I don't have a solution to your problem, but I HAD to drop by because you stole my name!!!! Just kidding.

You said that the relationship would be better if you were more extroverted. Well, are you having any problems right now? I mean if we know what the specifics are, we might be able to help. Sometimes it's the differences that make a relationship work. *shrugs*
 

Costrin

rawr
Joined
Nov 1, 2008
Messages
2,320
MBTI Type
ENTP
Enneagram
5w4
You may be at a loss. There's no way to become more extroverted. You're gonna always and eternally be an introvert. Furthermore, it could theoretically work the other way around, right? Where the ENFP becomes more introverted?

If there's any way to do it, it's just by practicing. A lot. And getting older. As you get older people tend to balance out. But don't push yourself. If you become stressed, then you should probably stop.
 

Amargith

Hotel California
Joined
Nov 5, 2008
Messages
14,717
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
4dw
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
What you do is when she goes silly, especially when its just the two of you...go with it. Enjoy her performance, and join in, ever so gently, and a little bit at a time. Don't worry, she'll gladly guide you through it :)
 

Habba

New member
Joined
Jul 22, 2008
Messages
988
MBTI Type
ISTJ
Enneagram
1w9
What if she could be more introverted? The ISFJs I know constantly blame themselves for just about anything that happens.

So, let's get back to the basics... why do you think that you are too introverted? How does it affect your life?

Anyways, I have managed to extrovert myself just a little bit.

Loving yourself for what you are is the key. Some people are introverted because they think that they are not important or interesting. So, if you can smile to the mirror each day and say "Wow, what a great guy I am!" then you are one step closer becoming more extroverted.

The price of being extrovert is selling your privacy. That means sharing and participating. Tell others more often how you feel and what you are thinking of. Even when not asked to. Extroverts don't ask for permissions, they expect everyone else (read: introverts) to follow them. Of course, this requires self-confidence, which comes from loving yourself for what you are.

Now, before you attempt to become more extroverted, ask yourself if it's the right path anyways... maybe she likes you because you are introverted. It makes you different from her, in an interesting way.
 

Giggly

No moss growing on me
Joined
Jun 12, 2008
Messages
9,661
MBTI Type
iSFj
Enneagram
2
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
If your girlfriend happy with you and your introvertedness?
 

warm8

New member
Joined
Mar 15, 2009
Messages
98
MBTI Type
ESFP
I don't have a solution to your problem, but I HAD to drop by because you stole my name!!!! Just kidding.

You said that the relationship would be better if you were more extroverted. Well, are you having any problems right now? I mean if we know what the specifics are, we might be able to help. Sometimes it's the differences that make a relationship work. *shrugs*

we actually are having problems because I've been really anxious/insecure/depressed lately and she's getting fed up with trying to make me feel better all the time. I was more extroverted when we started dating and we got along easier at that time.

I guess just learning to love myself is the best I can do! :rock:

If your girlfriend happy with you and your introvertedness?

yeah she's totally fine with it, but I guess it's gotten to a point where she thinks something's wrong or that there's something I'm not telling her.
 

Warm

Member
Joined
Dec 28, 2008
Messages
727
MBTI Type
ISFJ
we actually are having problems because I've been really anxious/insecure/depressed lately and she's getting fed up with trying to make me feel better all the time.

It sounds like being introverted is not your problem.

...what Habba said +1
 

prplchknz

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 11, 2007
Messages
34,397
MBTI Type
yupp
ok I have no real constructive thing to say but I didn't see the 8 on warm8 so i thought warm was having a conversation with herself. I'm like :shock:
 

warm8

New member
Joined
Mar 15, 2009
Messages
98
MBTI Type
ESFP
It sounds like being introverted is not your problem.

...what Habba said +1

that's what I thought too, but usually the more introverted I am, the more I bottle things in, and in turn get more paranoid or self conscious. when I can express myself I can trust what others are saying (reassurance that everything's okay, etc) and I feel more confident. it's probably the other way around though :yes:

so I guess it's more of a matter of confidence! isn't that a problem that most ISFJs have to deal with? can anyone speak from experience?
 

warm8

New member
Joined
Mar 15, 2009
Messages
98
MBTI Type
ESFP
Ask her for help. :)

I do, and she does make me feel better but she usually just tells me to build my confidence or love myself, but I don't really know how to do that! and it sucks big time for me and her. :doh:
 

Ardea

o edward cullen!
Joined
Dec 3, 2008
Messages
729
MBTI Type
enfp
Enneagram
7
I do, and she does make me feel better but she usually just tells me to build my confidence or love myself, but I don't really know how to do that! and it sucks big time for me and her. :doh:

:doh:

Hmm... middle ground. Hang around people you're comfortable with. That way, you can be a safe E. Family, close friends, etc. And in areas that you're familiar with. She can do her E thing, and you can feel safe. :D

It's sweet that you want to improve yourself, but temporarily altering yourself for a desired outcome seems... unnatural. Extroversion is something usually just happens - it can be cultivated, but usually you have to find your own niche. It's a lot of fearlessness and almost mindlessness. Just start talking to people.

Observe others. Some people just start talking about random things. Others are formal. Find your niche, where you are comfortable. The type of people you are comfortable talking to, etc.

Good luck! You seem like a wonderful person! :)
 

prplchknz

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 11, 2007
Messages
34,397
MBTI Type
yupp
I find in social situations if I have one person I'm really comfortable around I can act extroverted easier then if I know no one then I get bad anxiety
 

warm8

New member
Joined
Mar 15, 2009
Messages
98
MBTI Type
ESFP
:doh:

Hmm... middle ground. Hang around people you're comfortable with. That way, you can be a safe E. Family, close friends, etc. And in areas that you're familiar with. She can do her E thing, and you can feel safe. :D

It's sweet that you want to improve yourself, but temporarily altering yourself for a desired outcome seems... unnatural. Extroversion is something usually just happens - it can be cultivated, but usually you have to find your own niche. It's a lot of fearlessness and almost mindlessness. Just start talking to people.

Observe others. Some people just start talking about random things. Others are formal. Find your niche, where you are comfortable. The type of people you are comfortable talking to, etc.

Good luck! You seem like a wonderful person! :)

haha, thank you! I'll try my best
 

Jeffster

veteran attention whore
Joined
Jun 7, 2008
Messages
6,743
MBTI Type
ESFP
Enneagram
7w6
Instinctual Variant
sx
warm8, I don't have any particular advice for your question, but I want to encourage you to stick around the forum even after this topic fizzles. I don't think there's a single ISFJ male who regularly posts here, so your perspective on many topics would be really worthwhile. :)
 

warm8

New member
Joined
Mar 15, 2009
Messages
98
MBTI Type
ESFP
warm8, I don't have any particular advice for your question, but I want to encourage you to stick around the forum even after this topic fizzles. I don't think there's a single ISFJ male who regularly posts here, so your perspective on many topics would be really worthwhile. :)

sure. I've actually been lurking here for a while, just never got the courage to join.

in any case, I think I'm a 100% textbook representation of an ISFJ male :whistling:
 

Lightning_Rider

New member
Joined
Nov 2, 2008
Messages
94
MBTI Type
ISFJ
I'm sort of the same way, as in I'm more extroverted with people I know only. So, if you hang out with the same people regularly together then over time you should naturally just become better at being yourself and opening up. That's the way it works for me and most I's in general I believe. They don't open up to just anybody.

If however you have other problems regarding self confidence, then that might come from other problems. ISFJ's often feel like they need to do everything, and be better in order to feel worthy, but if you realise that there are plenty of people out there that do not expect the world of you and you CAN just be normal with them then that will go a long way to help your self confidence as well I would imagine. If you have more self confidence, then it will definitely be easier to bring out your extroverted side as well. As others said, it's an essential part of extroversion.
 

Habba

New member
Joined
Jul 22, 2008
Messages
988
MBTI Type
ISTJ
Enneagram
1w9
She usually just tells me to build my confidence or love myself, but I don't really know how to do that!

Like I said, ISFJs I know tend to blame themselves for just about anything. It's hard to love oneself, if you constantly think you are to be blamed when something goes wrong. However, this characteristics can be turned into something very positive. Healthy ISFJs are very considering towards other people, and it's great. I've never been insulted by an ISFJ (well, except for one unhealthy person, who kept doing it between the lines). Their actions are always meant to bring balance and harmony. Wherever ISFJ reigns, peace is not unknown. :)

I'm currently seeing an ISFJ girl, and the best thing about her is that I can really relax when she's around. She's never angry or stressing. She rarely demands anything and is always happy to help with cooking, cleaning, shopping, etc.

So, it's time for you to start thinking positive things about you! Write a list about your good sides. Why are you such a great person? If you can't think any, she might be able to help you. :newwink: This may sound stupid, but I know what I'm talking about. I've been through depression (had medication, took a year off from school, etc.), and listing my good sides really made me realise how wonderful person I really am. I mean, I'm smart, funny, reasonable, trustworthy, peaceful, relaxed, walking encyclopedia and stuff. Why wouldn't I like myself? :wubbie:
 
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